


band-aids

by bleedshoney



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, it’s a bit ooc bc how soft they are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedshoney/pseuds/bleedshoney
Summary: Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak: they were always something, or nothing, or even everything. They weren't really sure. It's difficult to have to decide which one hurts the most. So, they just didn't really think about it. Or story in which a soft boy named Eddie Kaspbrak believes a band-aid can fix anything, including heartbreak.“It was supposed to be me and you. It’s still supposed to be me and you. Always. Remember that for me, Eds.”





	1. Treehouse Promises

Thursday's evening air felt dewy, even before the rain. The sky was overcast and littered with thick deep gray clouds. August normally brought over-heated days to Derry, Maine which resulted in the kids swimming around the quarry. However towards the end of the second week into the scorching month, angry clouds would swarm in to bring buckets of rain for days. The kids of Derry dreaded the weather like this because it prevented their outdoor adventures. Eddie in particular refused to ride his bike through the rain due to not only the dangers of accidents, but the many possibilities of becoming sick from the wet and cold weather. Mike insisted that it couldn't hurt. Stan couldn't help but back him, Eddie, up that it wasn't the safest of bets. Despite the hinder of outdoor activities, this meant movie marathons at the Denbrough's house! That is until Bill's parents were tired of how loud Richie was and Beverly not so sneakily smoking cigarettes in their backyard.

Thursday's evening air was dewy, even before the rain. The group of seven kids, six boys and one girl, sat in a close circle. Knees brushing against one another and perhaps a couple hands ghosting by which caused flushed cheeks. It was a chilly night for them to bond in the last few weeks of summer they had left.

Together they sat in their fairly large treehouse. It was well hidden in the woods close by to Stan's house. Stan had convinced his father to take up the project and claimed it was strictly for bird watching. His father knew it was for the friend group, but he wanted to see a smile on his son's face considering he didn't see it too often. So Mr. Uris began the project to build the Losers Club Treehouse. Mike and his family helped pitched in, along with the rest of the Losers, but majority of the credits go to the Hanlons.

Ben was able to bring in a mini fridge and futon. The mini fridge had no way of being plugged in and actually working, but they would hoard cans of soda and water bottles inside it anyways. And man, did they fight over that futon. Richie supplied the soda, which was definitely not stolen from a local convenient store. Stan kept everyone hydrated with water bottles and the healthier snacks like granola bars. Eddie would sneak (junkier) snacks from his pantry at home every week. Eventually the Losers had a good supply of food or at least enough to last all seven of them two weeks if they were ever to be stranded there (which is highly unlikely). Beverly would bring in pillows and blankets; her aunt was generous in giving to the group. Bill's dad went as far as even building for the treehouse. He made chairs and even tables. Together they added their own touches such as: a calendar, posters, art work (shitty drawings by Richie to water color paintings of birds from Stan), board games that sat on a shelf built by Mike and Bill, books from Ben, and pictures Beverly took with the Polaroid her aunt got her for her 15th birthday. Every member of the Losers' club could admit that their favorite part of the treehouse was the string of fairy lights that boarded the cabin-like tree home. Beverly brought those as well. They ran on batteries that Richie provided.

Together they had made a home. This was _theirs_. It was a safety spot for them, a comfort zone for sure.

"Hey, are we all at-attending Mary's party on Sah-saturday?" Bill spoke up. His stutter was obviously still evident, but much better than it was a year ago.

"Hell yeah we are, Big Bill! End of the summer party with tons of high school chicks. And access to all the goodies if you know what I mean." Richie sent a wink towards Mike, but Mike laughed it off. In the corner of his eyes he could see Stan roll his eyes. Meanwhile Eddie sat uncomfortably at the comment.

"Calm down, Richie, we'd all be surprised to see you get even close to lucky." Beverly said with a grin as she ripped open a bag of potato chips. Bill immediately leaned over to reach in and grab a couple. "Hey!" She jokingly slapped his hand. "Ask first."

"I don't know how my mom will feel about me going to a party." Eddie spoke up. His eyes trained on the red patterned rug they all sat on. He didn't want to look up and face the others. In all actuality, he could easily lie and get away with going to the party. He went out with the Losers all the time! There was just a big part of him that didn't want to go.

"Come on, Eds!" Richie gently pushed Eddie's shoulder. "Of course you can come. Do you need me to give Mrs. K a good old convincing?" He pushed his coke bottle glasses up his nose.

"Stop being gross, Richie!" Eddie groaned and covered his face with his hands. His elbows rested on his knees as he sat criss-cross. "And stop calling me Eds!" He secretly adored it, but he wasn't allowed to admit it. He wasn't allowed to admit that he had been crushing on his best friend since seventh grade.

"Quit your whining, Eddie Spaghetti. I'll get you to that party." Richie spoke in an awful, loud British accent. This time Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie's waist and pulled the petite boy flush into his side. Eddie tried not to enjoy it so much. There was no point in Eddie fighting it. The Losers were all going to that party whether he liked it or not, including himself.

Stan glanced down at his watch then lightly elbowed Bill. "It's nearly seven o'clock. We should start heading home."

Mike and Ben were the first to leave. They lived the furthest from the treehouse so it was a longer ride for the two. Really, Ben lived closer to Beverly, but he wasn't the fastest at riding bikes so he left earlier than the others would have to.

Beverly handed her half eaten bag of chips to Richie before leaving after the other two.

"Are we meeting to-tomorrow?" Bill asked, glancing at the remaining three.

"I promised my dad I'd go down to Hampden Park and bird watch with him." Stan shrugged. "Ben is helping Mike work at the farm and I think Beverly is too. Either that or she's helping Mary set up for the party." That's another thing, Beverly made friends with the new girl, Mary. So that's how they're all connected to the party in the first place.

"I-I guess I could j-join the boys. What about you t-two?"

"I've got a hot date with Eddie's mom. You guys know how selfish she is-" Richie threw his head back in laughter. "I'm sure it'll take up most my time tomorrow." This resulted in Eddie smacking Richie's chest.

"Knock it off, Trashmouth. Anyways, I don't have plans, but I highly doubt my mom would want me working up at the farm with you guys. The animal fur messes with my allergies. Not to mention that pollen and ragweed is really high this time of year. My sinuses will be awful after the rain tonight too-" Eddie's ramble was cut off.

"We get it, nerds." Stan sighed and got up to walk over to the where the hatch in the floor of the treehouse was. He flipped it open and positioned himself to crawl down the ladder. "You coming, Bill?"

"Ye-yeah. I-I'm right behind you!" Bill turned to Richie and Eddie with a weak smile. "I guh-guess I'll see you Saturday if n-not tomorrow."

"Bye, Bill." Eddie said softly. He watched the two boys disappear and close the hatch behind them.

Eddie glanced to Richie. Richie raised a brow. Eddie grinned. They both had the same thought.

They both quickly scrambled up and rushed to the futon. Eddie attempted to pull Richie back by his shirt, but Eddie's a lot smaller than him. Richie could've easily pushed the boy down, but there's no fun in seeing his best friend hurt.

Richie beat Eddie to the futon. He always does.

Richie plopped onto the futon dramatically and laid out his entire, lanky body to stretch over it. The futon wasn't pulled out at that moment, so it's purpose was a sofa.

"Don't make me sit on you. Get up! Heyyy! You don't need to lay on the whole thing when there's space for at least three people!" Eddie whined and tried to pull Richie off and even push him to sit up properly.

"Do you think I'd mind if you sat on me?" Richie smirked. Eddie bit down onto his lip and looked away from the raven haired boy to hide his blush. Richie sat up anyways then wrapped his arms around his best friend to pull him in close. Eddie blushed even more. They sat there for a moment. Eventually they shifted so the both of them could lay down together.

They didn't bother pulling the futon out. Richie knew that doing so only provided more room, and with less room meant he could be closer to Eddie. Richie liked being close. Eddie was on the inside of the futon, Richie on the outside. They faced each other.

"Hey... Rich?"

"Yeah, Eds?"

"You're my best friend. No matter how much you tease me. I hate it and sometimes I hate you, but you're still my best friend." Eddie's voice was soft as he confessed. While he spoke he didn't feel confident enough to look at Richie. He was afraid his heart would beat out of his chest so he glanced up to the roof of the treehouse instead.

"You're my best friend too, Eds. Always will be." Richie smiled down at the smaller boy. His hand wrapped tight around his waist to hug him into his chest in reassurance. They were flush together now. Eddie was scared Richie could feel his pounding heart.

"Do you- do you really mean that? Even over Stan?" Eddie looked up this time. His eyes held hope. "Do you promise you'll always be my best friend and there for me?" Eddie wasn't sure what had gotten into him these last few minutes. His heart was just _aching_ to admit feelings and seek validation for and from his best friend.

"I promise, Eddie Spaghetti."

Eddie wanted to kiss him despite hating that nickname. Their faces were so close. Their chest pressed together. Their eyes staring into one another's, and brown never looked so beautiful. Eddie's chest felt tight and he cursed in his head. This wasn't the best moment for his asthma to act up. He couldn't help but breathe out a shaky breath. Richie basked in the others warmth that hit his face. Richie pulled him closer, his nose now in Eddie's hair. Richie closed his eyes for a minute and held his best friend close.

It only took a minute for the sound of pitter-patter to overflow their ears. Being in the treehouse during the rain wasn't the best idea. It got cold quick.

Eddie absentmindedly cuddled further, if possible, into Richie's side for warmth. Richie wouldn't admit how much he enjoyed it. The smaller boy's head on his shoulder while his hands fisted his jean jacket to keep him closer. Neither of them had to say anything. They found comfort in each other. Richie had to break away for a second though. He reached under the futon to pull out a thick, fuzzy green blanket for the both of them to wrap up in.

Eddie smiled at this. He couldn't help but admire the beautiful boy next to him, and basically cuddling him. Richie's hair was much longer than it was a year ago. It was thicker now and much curlier. Eddie wanted to comb his fingers through it and tug on the ends. Richie's eyes looked much darker without the sun to supply them warmth; they were still pretty, nonetheless. Richie's scattered freckles contrasted his pale skin. Eddie would've mistaken them for constellations if he continued to stare. And Richie's lips, well they were round and so pink-

"Hey, Eds." Richie broke Eddie from his thoughts. "As much as I love being here with you." Richie wasn't lying, nor being sarcastic in any way. "Don't you think your mom is going to start freaking out? You know... because it's getting late and the rain is getting hard." Richie was genuinely concerned. He didn't want Eddie to be in any trouble. He knew how Mrs. Kaspbrak would react to the situation.

Eddie blushed. He's been doing that a lot lately. His cheeks were constantly on fire when he's with Richie. "Well, you weren't in any rush to leave so I..." He trailed off and Richie smiled. The older boy gave him a squeeze.

"I'll be safe and home in no time." He didn't want to concede that he was already home, in the treehouse and next to his best friend. "You should get going. Your walk is a little further than mine, Eds." This wasn't true. Richie lived on the outskirts of Derry. If anything, his distance was as long as Mike's.

Richie Tozier, the Trashmouth himself, spent most of his time there, in the tree house that is. He wouldn't admit that to the group though. He had his own internal conflicts and didn't want to bring the group down by admitting his home life or situation. He knew what was best for himself and stayed where he found comfort and safety. His own house was not a home. His home was the one he created with his friends who _care_.

"Do you promise?" Eddie looked up at him. His lips parted. He glanced all over Richie's face but his eyes couldn't help but linger on the pale boy's lips. _Richie is really pretty_ , he thought. _I should just go in for it. I should just kiss him now_.

"Promise what? I already promised you were my very best friend. That is, aside from your mom-" Eddie's face leaned up to Richie's. Richie stopped and took in a breath. _Eddie's really close_. Richie couldn't help but steal glances of Eddie's lips. _They're soft. Eddie's soft_.

"Promise me you'll get home safe." Eddie's eyes were so big, brown, and doe like. Although, Richie took note of that a while ago. Richie smiled before he spoke. _He really cares, cute_.

"I promise I'll get home safe, Eds." Richie, although he didn't want to, sat up. He reached his hand out to Eddie's. He curled his fingers into his palm with his pinky finger risen.

They linked pinky fingers and there was a gentle squeeze.

Although their digits held one another, their smiles to each other was enough of a promise in itself.

Eddie left a minute later, while Richie spent the night.


	2. Party At Mary's

Saturday evening couldn't have come sooner for Eddie. Unlike Thursday, this nights air was light and held a slight breeze. The cool wind was perfect for walking around with friends, laughing and talking until the sun returned in its wake. These were nights anybody could appreciate, but most of all the Losers. Night adventures were always most memorable. And tonight, tonight was going to be one of the most memorable adventures.

Saturday evening couldn't have come sooner for Eddie. He dreaded being in an unfamiliar place with strange people he never spoke to. All of them crowded together, sweat from warm and grinding bodies... He wasn't even there yet and could feel the sexual tension of everyone around him suffocating his senses. He despised his peers. Him and Stan both, so at least if all goes bad he'll find comfort in his friend. He secretly wished Richie hated them too, so he could cling to the tall boy's side. However this is Richie Tozier and he loved attention, so when there's a party there is unfortunately a _party_.

Around 7:30 pm, the Losers were all gathered at Bill's to get ready for the party.

Beverly and Ben were already at Mary's to help add finishing touches. Although, putting so much preparation into this end of the summer party was a waste considering the fact that everybody would trash it in the end.

Meanwhile, Richie changed his shirt four times and ended up wearing what he wore to Bill's house in the first place. A plain white t-shirt and a white and blue Hawaiian button up over that. Stan teased him for looking like a divorced dad who is depressed and working as a cheap laundromat owner.

"Oh please, Stanley, go back to jacking off to birds with your Jew dad!"

"Beep-beep, Richie!" Bill, Stan, and Mike all spoke at once. This happened often and like every time, everyone ended up laughing.

"You're still cute, Rich." Eddie mumbled to the floor.

Eddie was sat in the corner on Bill's neatly made bed. It was obvious he felt out of place. He wasn't comfortable with tonight. It was all of the Losers' first real high school party. Most people there were going to be Juniors and Seniors of the high school anyways. Why go and not know anybody? Or perhaps that was the point... Either way, in Eddie's perspective a lot could go wrong. A lot! They're given access to alcohol, drugs, sex, and worst of all those shitty party games that never end in innocence! In the end, they're just kids. They should be doing naive summer kid stuff, like going to camp or roasting marshmallows with their aunts and uncles, not attending high school parties.

Undoubtably, Stan and Eddie were going to be the youngest at the party. Stan was a rising freshman in high school while Eddie had a late birthday compared to the rest of the Losers' who were all fifteen, or almost sixteen. Well, Stan too had a late birthday, but he started school late. Aside from details, Stan and Eddie are both budding fourteen, soon to be fifteen, year olds. 

"You okay, Eddie?" A voice broke Eddie from his thoughts and he nearly jumped from his position on the bed. He was in shock from seeing Stan sitting next to him. How did he not even notice?

"Y-yeah. I'm just a little nervous that's all." He admitted quietly. His fingers twirled around the ends of Bill's pillow case. He needed to fidget with something or his heart would collapse from his nerves. He didn't want Richie or Bill to know he was anxious. Richie would tease him and Bill was like an older brother or even father figure to him. He didn't want Bill to be babysitting him all night; he wanted Bill to have a good time. Bill deserved it more than anyone.

"I'll be right by your side. No worries." Stan gave Eddie a small smile and awkwardly patted his knee. "You don't have to worry about me drinking or doing anything stupid tonight." Stand glanced over to the Richie who was talking to himself in mirror and adjusting his hair. "Unlike some people..."

"Richie wouldn't do that!" Eddie said in a hushed voice, elbowing Stan. "He's smarter than that. A lot smarter than most people know, actually." He mumbled the last part more so to himself. "Richie promised he wouldn't leave me, so don't worry about comforting me too much."

Stan shook his head slowly and breathed out a low laugh. His ramen-like hair bouncing in the process. "You're whipped for Tozier, Kaspbrak."

"I am not!" Eddie huffed in protest. Stan snatched the pillow from Eddie's lap and straightened out the ends that Eddie had twisted up. It was bothering him.

"Then why are you blushing?" Stan smirked and reached a hand up to pinch at Eddie's bright red cheeks. Stan laughed a little then stopped. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."

"How long have you-!?"

"Are we all ready to go?" Mike said aloud, clasping his hands together with a grin.

Eddie glanced at the group before looking back to Stan. They both rolled their eyes.

◦

Mike's hands grasped the steering wheel casually. His eyes were trained on the road before him. He held a bright smile that displayed his neat, white teeth. He was currently laughing at Bill's recollection of his first kiss. Not the one from the play they performed in third grade, but the one where Beverly got blood all over his face and when he got home his parents were freaking out because they believed their son was mauled or nearly taken. Like Georgie had been, but that memory was suppressed.

Mike, being the oldest of the group. He had turned sixteen in early August, so he had his license already. He was able to drive everyone around, and they were all grateful for that. They still ride their bikes every now and then, but whenever long distances where in the equation Mike's old pickup truck was by far the best option.

Bill sat in the passengers seat, telling stories. Stan, Eddie, and Richie took up the back seat. Eddie was stuck in the middle, which he hated, but he was the smallest of the five, so he didn't have much of a choice.

"Richie, can you stop bouncing your leg so much?" Eddie groaned and placed his hand on the older boy's knee to attempt in holding it still.

"You know your boyfriend has ADHD, Eddie." Stan said quietly with a smirk. Eddie only responded by elbowing him.

"Shut it, Stanley." Eddie whispered in an angry, but more so annoyed tone.

"Sorry, Eds." Richie placed his hand over top of Eddie's and forced his nerves to come to a stop. Eddie felt a wave of butterflies come crashing through his stomach and suddenly his hand caught a flame then pins and needles overrode his senses, but only in his hand. His entire body was rushed with heat before coming to his face. His cheeks filled with a blush. He then slipped his hand away quickly. _How could I feel all that in a matter of seconds?_

Eddie cleared his throat and placed his hands into his own lap. He gave Richie and awkward smile.

Stan shifted in his seat, feeling like a third wheel just from the tension in the back seat.

"The h-house is up on t-t-the left. It's the s-second house." Bill stuttered out, pointing in the direction Mike should take.

"This house is massive! Are you sure we're at the right place?" Mike's face held confusion and shock. He turned left down the road and slowed the truck. Due to the packed driveway from overflowing cars, Mike had to park on the side of the road where other cars sat.

"Mhm, this i-is the place."

The boys stared in awe of the house before them. It was bigger than any of them lived in, or have ever been inside of for that matter. Not many houses in Derry were as nice as this. It was rare. Perhaps ten in total, and they all lived on this very road or general area. Should this even be considered Derry? It close, but basically right out of the town.

Eddie slid out of Mike's truck after Stan. His eyes glanced to the street sign on the corner of the road. West Broadway, or the wealthiest part of Derry. If you were lucky enough, your parents would take your down here for Halloween so you could get multiples of the full sized candy bars. The Losers never did, but they heard stories from others.

"Are we ready, aye mates!?" Richie announced in an Australian accent, pushing up his thick glasses with the tip of his pinky.

"Let's just get this night over with..." Stan rolled his eyes as he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

They all followed Bill up the driveway and into the house.

Eddie instantly regret not begin home and sitting in the living room with his mother and watching boring reality game shows.

Eddie slowly stepped into the house, amazed by the new environment. His big brown eyes couldn't see everything at once. It was too much to take in. Almost every junior and senior from Derry high school had to be in this house. Hell, even kids from out of their school because the Losers were having a hard time recognizing everyone.

"W-we should all look for B-Bev and Ben." Bill yelled to his friends over, not only the loud music, but everyone else around them. With that, Bill walked away.

"Wait! Where should we meet back together?" Eddie spoke too late. Next Stan had disappeared off with Mike in search for his other friends. Eddie bit down onto his bottom lip and looked up. At least he had Richie, right?

"Well Eddie Spaghetti, I have some partying to do, but don't worry because I won't leave you alone." Richie snaked his arm around Eddie's waist and guided him through the large living room. They managed to squeeze past the dancing, drunk teens. While Richie lead them to wherever, Eddie smiled up at him in awe.

The two boys walked side by side with their arms hooked around each other. People who didn't know them, meaning most people there, could easily assume they were a couple. However, this wasn't the case.

They made it into the kitchen and ignored the obnoxious couple leaning against the stove who were aggressively making out.

"There's plenty of rooms in this house for that." Richie stated aloud, slowing slipping Eddie from his grip. Eddie didn't like the loss of contact from Richie, but stayed close to his side almost as if he were hiding his body in the his.

Eddie nervously glanced around and in the corner of his eye, down the hallway, he saw a girl with short red hair walking downstairs in what could be assumed as the basement.

Eddie grabbed the back of Richie's shirt and tugged on it lightly. "Hey, hey Richie I think I just saw Beverly go downstairs." When Richie didn't reply, he looked back over to him only to see him chatting it up with a blond girl. He's only seen maybe twice in his life. _I think that's Emily, the senior_ , Eddie thought.

"Yeah! We're about to go play some classic spin the bottle downstairs if you two want to join us. It'll be fun!" She smiled wide and handed Richie a red solo cup of a brown liquid that smelled awful. Richie wanted to smile at the offering, but lowered the cup to the counter. He wasn't fond of alcohol. "I'm Emily, by the way." She added in quickly. "So if you're both up for some fun-"

"We'll meet you downstairs!" Surprisingly Eddie spoke up, or at least before Richie could. Eddie secretly hoped he'd get lucky enough to kiss Richie. He wondered if Richie thought the same thing.

"Wait, Emily? So this is your party?" Richie was shocked. He didn't know Emily.

"I thought it was Mary's party?" Now Eddie was confused.

"No no, it's both of ours. Mary is my step-sister. She just moved in with me. She's from Vermont." Emily clarified. The boys both nodded.

"Good to know... and we'll see you down there." Richie glanced down to Eddie then back to the girl. He smiled. Eddie wrapped his arms back around Richie and hugged onto him, burying his face into Richie's side.

The blond girl noticed this and smiled a sweet smile at Eddie. She couldn't help but think about how cute he was.

"Okay. Don't take too long!" Emily giggled and ran off with a bottle of beer, down to the basement.

Eddie gave Richie's shirt a small tug in the direction of the hallway where the basement was. Richie gave a small smile and nodded. The two began to walk.

"I noticed you didn't drink the alcohol she offered you. Stan was sure you'd be up for new things and all that fun stuff." Eddie laughed a little. Richie shook his head and his nose scrunched up a bit.

"No, alcohol won't ever be my thing." Richie didn't want anyone to know how uncomfortable he was the substance, or how much it reminded him of his mother. "But if someone had offered me a joint..." Richie was grinning now, wanting to lighten the mood for Eddie.

"Ohhh... of course." Eddie said with a sarcastic tone and rolled his eyes, laughing with his best friend.

When the boys had gotten to the bottom of the steps, they saw all their friends sat in a circle in the middle of the room. The two let go of each other and went to take their seats. Richie sat next to Bill and a girl with short brown hair and big blue eyes. She had a little too much eye shadow on, but nobody seemed to mention it.

"Eddie! You can sit next to me!" Eddie raised his eyebrows in surprise to see Emily patting the spot next to her. Being polite, he smiled back and did just that. On the other side of him was Mike.

Eddie shifted nervously in his place. He was glancing around the circle of a good fifteen teens. He didn't want to have to share an affectionate action with a stranger. In all honesty, he wouldn't mind having to kiss anyone from the Losers' club because at least they were his friends. But most of all he wanted to kiss Richie. _Again_. What none of the Losers knew was that the two boys had already had their first kiss, and it was shared together. Eddie didn't know if Richie remembered it or not, but Eddie sure did and cherished the memory.

Eddie was taken from his thoughts when the sound of people cheering around flooded his ears. He looked up from his lap to see Mike kissing the heavily eyeshadowed girl next to Richie. Richie was cheering loudly and throwing his fist in the air, proud of his friend. Beverly threw her head back in laughter, and not be straight or anything, but Eddie would easily admit she looked beautiful.

Stan ended up kissing Bill. Ben was next and got extremely lucky to kiss Beverly. A couple other kids had their share and turns of kisses.

Eddie was beginning to get sick to his stomach. Not because the shared germs in the perimeter of their circle, but the fact that Richie hadn't been kissed yet. It was beginning to scare him. Would he get to do it in front of everyone, or somebody else?

"Yay! It's my turn." Emily giggled and grasped the green beer bottle in her perfectly manicured fingers. With a gentle twist of her wrist, she spun the bottle quickly. "Please, please, please..." she whispered.

The bottle came to a slow and Eddie noticeably gulped. He took his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. _Oh God, it could land on me_ , Eddie thought. Just as everyone thought Eddie would be the boy to kiss the senior girl, the bottle spun just a little more and landed on Richie.

Richie was going to kiss Emily.

_Eddie's_ Richie was going to kiss Emily.


	3. A Band-Aid

Richie's face went pale. He already had milky skin to begin with, but his face was an ill pale. A sickly color, as if all the food he had eaten that day was desperately trying to bubble in the pit of his stomach and come racing out of his system. Next, his throat went dry. It was a desert of nothing and not even his breath could be found there at the moment. He nearly stopped breathing. His mind considering taking Eddie's inhaler that he had in his pocket. (He would carry an extra whenever he felt it necessary, which was most days.) His lips never felt so chapped in his life. He wanted to lick over them, but his mouth was just too dry. His veins ran cold and soon the rest of his body did too. He was frozen. His dark brown eyes stuck on the boy across from him, stuck on Eddie Kaspbrak, his best friend. Eddie stared back at him. Meanwhile, Emily stared at the bottle. She didn't know if this was luck or misfortune. Everyone around the circle was anxious, or at least the Losers. Richie had _never_ shown affection in public. The most people saw was him teasing his friends, teasing Eddie.

Richie's face went pale. He glanced from Eddie, after the longest second of his life, and looked to Emily. She was looking back at him now.

"Well, kiss already!" Some random boy in the group shouted. A couple other kids in the room laughed behind him. Soon, the entire basement of people were chanting.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Is all that was heard throughout that very room. Richie felt dizzy in it all. He was supposed to be the life of the party, but in this moment he felt dead. He didn't know what to do. He had never kissed a girl before. Sure he made jokes and talked about girls all the time, but he never faced an actually situation involving one.

He had to live up to his name.

Emily stole a look from Eddie, before she went in for the kill. She sat up on her knees and crawled in toward the middle of the circle. Richie's already large eyes widen at the sight of her before him. She took her delicate hands and placed them on his cheeks. She smiled.

"Ready?"

Richie didn't reply.

Eddie closed his eyes. Not because he didn't want to see the kiss. (He didn't) But because he felt a wave of sickness rush over him. He kept his mouth shut tightly as he gagged. He was going to vomit.

Eddie regret opening his eyes because he saw Emily had her lips pressed to Richie's.

In this moment, Eddie's heart shattered and Eddie knew he should've kissed Richie Thursday night in their treehouse.

Richie's hands stayed planted on the floor at his sides. He was still frozen in place. He didn't exactly kiss back, but he didn't pull away either. Emily held his face too close, and for too long. Her lips were sticky from lipgloss, but at least she tasted like strawberries... under all the beer. She kept lapping her lips over his, trying to further the kiss, but Richie was still, unmoving. The sounds of cheers and claps slowly died down.

Once Emily finally pulled away and sat back in her place, Richie looked up and Eddie was gone. Richie's heart started to pound. He turned to the heavily eyeshadowed girl on his left, pushing the thick glasses up his nose.

"H-hey, did you see where my friend went? Cute, small, had- has a fanny pack on his uh his hip?" Richie's words fumbled; he tried to remain calm and quiet. He wanted to appear composed.

"Yeah." She smacked her gum obnoxiously loud. "He left with that curly haired boy. The Jewish one. He had to use the bathroom." She shrugged before looking back at the game.

Richie exhaled a deep sigh and nodded quickly. "Okay, Okay... he'll be back. He's fine." He whispered, reassuring himself. _He didn't see it, right?_

Meanwhile, Stan was chasing Eddie up the basement stairs.

"You don't have to babysit me, Stanley!" Eddie growled at the other, looking everywhere for a bathroom. Eddie did his best to blink away the tears from his eyes. "Go back to that stupid, stupid game!"

"Eddie-" Stan reached out to grab Eddie's shoulder.

"Go back to your fucking best friend. _Your_ best friend Richie." Eddie pushed Stan's hand away. His words came out like venom. He was so angry, but more so hurt.

Stan bit down on his lip. Stan wanted to yell back at Eddie, but despite being the youngest of the group, Stan was mature. He nodded. He knew Eddie liked Richie, and he could've sworn Richie liked him back. However, this wasn't Stan's mess to clean up.

"Will you at least come back down?" Stan asked, watching Eddie take slow steps away from him.

Before Eddie could speak, he imagined being downstairs again in that circle. In that germ infested circle. The place he saw his crush kiss Emily Kennedy. There it is, the vomit approaching again.

"Oh God." Eddie saw the nearest staircase and ran. Eddie dodged though teens left and right.

"Watch it, fairy boy!" Some asshole shouted. Eddie ignored the comment.

He tackled the staircase with a hand over his mouth. His vision blurry with tears. He heard the sound of a toilet flush and immediately knew it was a bathroom. _Thank God._

As soon as the door flew open, Eddie's feet had moved too quickly and he slammed directly into somebody.

"Oh crap! My gosh, are you okay?" The voice was soft and concerned. Eddie couldn't exactly see who it was yet.

"Holy shit..." Was all Eddie could manage out. "I'm- I'm gonna puke- I-" He choked up a bit and closed his mouth.

Before Eddie could realize what was happening, the stranger had helped Eddie into the bathroom. Eddie was soon emptying his stomach and coughing into the toilet.

"I'm sorry for running into you." Eddie apologized as he slowly stood up and flushed the toilet.

"It's fine. I was just hiding out up here from everybody else." They laughed softly.

Eddie turned around to see a boy about his size. He had brown hair in a bow cut, and soft green eyes. Eddie smiled.

"Well I've never been happier to run into somebody." Eddie laughed too. "I'm Eddie." He extended his hand.

"Awful way to meet you, but also nice." The boy grinned and shook his hand. "I'm Tyler. Tyler Williams. I'm new, if you couldn't tell."

"What's a new kid doing at a party this big?"

"I live next door. Mary invited me."

"Mary invited me too. Well, invited my friends and I." Eddie adjusted his fanny pack because it got knocked around from the run upstairs.

"Where are those friends of yours?" Tyler asked with a cheeky grin. Tyler was beginning to think the friends were made up and Eddie was just lonely, like himself.

Eddie scoffed. "Hell if I care... tonight didn't go as planned at all."

_Yep._ Tyler thought to himself. _He's got no friends._

"I know we don't know each other... but you don't want to be here and neither do I. Do you want to come back to my place?" Tyler offered. He looked so small and hopeful. Eddie couldn't possibly turn him down. "We can watch The Goonies?"

"Yes! Of course! That's my favorite movie!" Eddie was grateful to leave this night in the past, and grateful to make a new friend.

The next 20 minutes consisted of them walking to Tyler's house and Eddie ranting.

"I mean- how could he just do that do me?!" Eddie exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and flopping back onto Tyler's bed.

"Well it's not like you're dating." Tyler said, turning on the television in his room. Tyler was right, they weren't dating.

"But it still hurts! Richie is _my_ best friend. It used to be Bill, but that's irrelevant... Richie was supposed to be mine! What would she even see in him? Him and his stupid glasses are take up half his face and make his eyes three times too big! Him and his stupid messy hair that's probably never met a brush before! And those stupid, horrid shirts that make him look like a tourist! Ugh! What was a senior girl doing making moves on a sophomore anyways? She got so close to Richie, too close! I just hope Richie wasn't too close. Too close to see her hazel eyes. Too close to realize that if the light hits them just right they look green because-" Eddie's breathe hitched, "oh fuck- his favorite color is green!" Eddie's eyes desperately wanted to tear up again as his voice grew.

Eddie's heart ached.

"It sounds to me like you're jealous and in love with Richie." Tyler said with a grin, sitting down next to Eddie.

"I- I am not." Eddie crossed his arms. "I'm- I'm just jealous because he's my best friend and I don't want him making room for a girl that'll take over..." he lied, rubbing his face.

"Uh huh..." Tyler nodded slowly.

There was a long pause.

"Hey, Tyler, can I use your bathroom?"

◦

Richie was high now. Beverly had found a girl who offered her a joint. Beverly took it. Then Bill had a hit of it. Next Richie had a hit of it. He wasn't completely gone, not like Bill was, but he had a good feeling running through his veins. A good feeling like when Eddie- _Eddie._

"Oh shit, where's Eddie!?" Richie shot up from his seat on the couch, leaving Beverly and Bill confused.

Richie's heart was already faster than normal due to the drugs in his system. Now that a wave of anxiety entered the equation, he felt like collapsing.

"Stan!" Richie ran back inside from the outdoor patio and into the basement. "Stanley! Where the fuck are you at and where's Eddie!" He panicked. His head began to hurt from his own loud voice. He couldn't tell if the music made his head pound, or his heart echoing throughout his body. Maybe it was all the factors combined.

People were giving Richie weird looks. Richie didn't care. He wanted to know where Eddie was. He promised him safety and he left him, right? _Did I leave Eddie? Oh Hell, Eddie I'm so sorry._ His mind was a mess. He couldn't remember whether his head got dizzy after the weed or after the water from Emily.

Richie ran upstairs and saw Stan sitting by the stairs with Ben.

"Stan! Where the fuck is Eddie?!" He yelled, storming in the direction of the two boys.

"Are you high right now?" Ben asked, watching Richie's red and hazy eyes. Ben noticed how Richie stumbled; the lanky boy's actions were messy.

"Shut it, haystack, where's Eddie at?" He snapped.

"I don't know. He blew me off like an hour ago and basically told me to fuck off. I haven't seen him since!" Stan raised his hands in defense.

"You left him alone?! What the hell, Stanley!" Richie was fuming now. He grabbed Stan by his collared shirt and hoisted him up. "You left Eddie, a small and cute boy, alone at a party like this! He- he has asthma, Stan! Do you know how vulnerable he is?!"

"At least I went after him instead of sucking face with a drunken senior girl!" Stan spat out, shoving Richie off him. How dare Stan be to blame for this.

"It's not my fucking fault, okay!" Richie shoved Stan back into a wall. He wanted to cry, but he held it together. "You left him alone! What if he's hurt? Huh? He could easily get taken advantage of- and, and- holy shit! Someone could've taken advantage of him!" Richie's eyes filled with tears now. His hands went up to his thick, dark hair. He fisted his own curls and tugged. He was angry at himself. "I- I promised him. I promised him I wouldn't leave him and-!"

Ben got up and grabbed Richie's arms. "You need to calm down, Rich. I'm sure Eddie called his mom and went home. He's fine-"

"How the fuck are we supposed to know he's fine if he's not where he's supposed to be!" He thrashed in Ben's grip, yelling loudly. He got the attention of nearly everyone on that level of the house. Mike heard from the kitchen and came rushing in to help. "He's supposed to be here! He's not here!"

Stan recovered from Richie's slam and got up to help Ben hold him still.

"What's going on?" Mike was confused, but also scared.

"We're going to find him, Richie. Okay? Nobody is leaving this party, this house, until we find Eddie." Stan stated. Richie was freaking out but nodded slowly. He needed to calm himself down. He couldn't find Eddie in the state he's in.

"O-okay."

Richie's biggest fear was abandonment, and he couldn't help the huge guilt of knowing that's exactly what he did to Eddie. He left him.

__

_◦_

Eddie's hands gripped the bathroom sink of Tyler William's bathroom. His knuckles were nearly white from how hard he was holding the countertops. He breathed out a heavy and shaky sigh.

He couldn't help but get that image of Richie and Emily stuck in his head.

What hurt the most was how long it lasted. Richie didn't pull away. Richie must've liked it. It pained Eddie to know, or think, that Richie enjoyed something like that with somebody who wasn't him.

"I'm sorry I didn't kiss you, Rich. I-It was... it was obvious I wanted to." He mumbled with a pout.

Eddie sniffled and wiped away the rushing tears that swam down his rosy cheeks. He didn't even realize he was crying. Luckily, he had the shower running so Tyler couldn't hear him.

"Stop being such a baby, Kaspbrak." Eddie mumbled to himself. He felt pathetic. He was overreacting to it all, and only babies do that.

Eddie looked at himself in the mirror and frowned. He did look like a baby though. He had a baby face, a button nose, soft little pink lips, flushed cheeks, doe eyes, and not to mention his physical appearance. He was... _soft_. He was softer than most boys his age. Tyler was small like Eddie. But Tyler was also skinnier. He was soft, but not as soft. Eddie had a layer of baby fat to cushion him. Curse Sonia Kaspbrak for making that boy eat so much.

Another tear ran down his cheek. He was so broken over something so small. He could spend a summer facing his biggest fears, yet a girl kissing his best friend made him break.

Made his heart break.

Eddie swallowed the dry lump in the back of his throat. He looked down to his dark, navy blue fanny pack and unzipped it. He pulled out a single band-aid and laid it on the counter. Then he slipped his shirt off over his head. He looked back at himself in the mirror.

"Sometimes, you need to fix yourself up." Eddie whispered softly before he slowly began to unwrap the band-aid.

Eddie placed the band-aid over his heart. He smiled meekly. He looked back at himself in the mirror. His right hand rested over where he placed the tan, latex bandage. His thumbs padding over the edges.

"With time." He whispered. 

 

Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a pounding at the door.

"Hey are you almost done yet? There's a group of kids at my front door looking for you!" Tyler yelled from the other side of the door.

Eddie wanted to panic. He didn't though. He turned off the shower and sighed loudly.

Deciding that his heart had been through enough for one night, he responded. "Tell them I went home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is too soft, and a lil dumb


	4. Quarry Kisses

Eddie woke up before Tyler. The warm rays of Derry's Sunday morning sunshine illuminated Tyler's room through his large window. The sunlight danced onto Eddie's face, caressing his skin in a warm awakening. It was a welcome to the new day ahead of him. Eddie basked in the warmth of the rays and cuddled further into the dark blue duvet. His lips wore a small smile. The sounds of birds echoed through the trees and back to his ears. The light morning breeze caused the leaves to shake against one another, singing as they brush against the windows of the house and the rest of its large, brick exterior. He had slept better there than in his own bed. Waking up this way was too good in a town like Derry.

Eddie woke up before Tyler, so he laid there and stared up at the ceiling which was littered with scattered stars, moons, and planets that would glow in the dark. _Bill would love Tyler's room_ , Eddie thought. He frowned after the thought and shook his head. _No_ , Tyler was Eddie's now. He knew this was selfish, but he didn't want to share his new friend. He loved the Losers, he did, but for once he had something for himself outside of the Losers that wasn't his mother, asthma, or pills.

Eddie turned onto his side and looked at Tyler who was sleeping next to him.

As he thought about the night before, Eddie realized how happy he was he ran into Tyler at the party. He was able to stay the night in the most comfortable bed of Star Wars sheets and the thickest, softest comforter he could ever dream of having. Furthermore, Tyler made his first friend in Derry! Eddie felt honored.

Over night Eddie discovered that Tyler was a sophomore with a late birthday like himself. Tyler was an only child and moved to Derry from Indiana. Tyler loved science and wanted go to MIT to major in aerospace engineering. Eddie admired that Tyler had ambition and a plan for his future. Nobody else he knew had their life together like Tyler. Bill showed interest in writing, but that's it. However, what Eddie liked the most was that Tyler was kind, much kinder than anyone in the Losers Club. Tyler cares about Eddie's opinions, feelings, and interests. For example, Tyler preferred kettle corn over buttery popcorn, but for Eddie he ate buttery popcorn all night. Eddie knew deep down Tyler couldn't join him with the group, so Tyler had to be a one on one friendship. A big part of Eddie didn't mind that.

"Ty." Eddie said in a hushed voice, careful not to scare his new friend. "Tylerrr." He continued to repeat the boy's name and began to poke at his soft cheeks.

Tyler groaned in response and rolled over, practically on top of Eddie now. Eddie's cheeks burned in a bright blush and Eddie gently pushed Tyler off of him. Eddie sat up on his elbows and smiled as Tyler slowly blinked awake.

"Do you want to go to the quarry today?" Eddie asked, wanting to show Tyler around Derry and to one of his favorite spots. It was a special place for the Losers, but it wasn't fair to hide such a nice spot from Tyler.

"Yeah sure." Tyler mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Wait- what's the quarry?" He asked with a soft laugh, sitting up on his elbows to copy Eddie.

Eddie laughed and slid out of the bed. "You'll love it." He smiled and tugged the blankets off Tyler. "Hopefully..." He added quickly. "Now come on and get up!"

Within an hour, Tyler and Eddie ate blueberry pancakes, courtesy of Tyler's mom. They both brushed their teeth and showered up. Then packed bags for a day out in Derry. To save them from the walk, Tyler's mom drove them a littles way into town. Eddie knew Derry like the back of his hand so they found the quarry in no time.

"Normally the Losers just jump right on in. I'm glad you take the swimming after eating rule into consideration though." Eddie rubbed his hand over his full stomach. "I mean thirty minutes is the perfect amount of time to allow yourself to settle. The Losers just lack patience."

"The Losers?" Tyler raised a brow at the boy sitting next to him.

Eddie blushed, embarrassed that he now had to explain his group of friends. "Y-yeah... they're my friends. We're all known as the Losers Club. We're basically a group of outcasts in Derry. It started off as just Bill and I. Now there's seven of us: Myself, Bill, Stan, Richie, Beverly, Ben, and Mike."

Tyler nodded slowly, taking all of the information in. "What makes you a loser?" He sat with his legs crossed and turned to face Eddie. He was genuinely curious.

"I get bullied for my asthma, and my mom likes to stuff me with pills because she thinks I'm sick all the time. I don't blame her though... she got overprotective after my dad died of cancer, so she's just scared to lose me too I guess." Eddie got quiet, his eyes drifting to look into the large mass of water beside them.

"I'm sorry, Eddie."

"You don't have to be. I've got an entire club of people to be sorry with." Eddie laughed it off and slowly unclasped the fanny pack from his hip. "I keep all my essentials in here."

Tyler looked at Eddie as if asking for permission. Eddie nodded and then Tyler unzipped the small pouch to peek inside.

"Your inhaler, a lot of pills, chapstick, band-aids..." Tyler mumbled as he glanced inside. He pressed his lips together before shrugging his shoulders. "Like you said, you've got the essentials."

"Finally, someone agrees this is all necessary!" Eddie exclaimed and dramatically threw his hands in the air, falling onto his back. The two boys laughed for a good minute. Tyler cleared his throat before biting at his lip. Eddie noticed and gently nudged the boy's arm. "What's up?"

"Do you think I'll be a loser too?" Tyler's voice was gentle, almost scared of the answer. "Even in Indiana I didn't fit it, so what about here in Maine?"

Eddie stared at the boy's face and smiled weakly. He wrapped his arm around Tyler's small frame and hugged him into his side. Eddie wasn't the best at comforting people. Usually, he was the one to be comforted. So he did what Richie would do for him.

"You're way too cool to be a loser, Ty. Everyone will like you." Eddie smiled at him with reassurance. "And if not, you've got me."

Tyler looked away from Eddie and his small, growing smile left too. Tyler looked down into his own lap. His voice was small, smaller than it normally is.

"Even if I like boys?"

◦

Richie had been freaking out ever since the disappearance of his best friend. The rest of the Losers Club were concerned, but more so Richie.

Richie, being his hyper active and over reactive self, caused the _entire_ party to come to a stop. He practically flipped the entire house upside in search for the boy. When they couldn't find him, they checked every house in the general area. They spent the night searching for him. Their biggest and best bet was that Eddie went back home; however, they couldn't test this without Ms. Kaspbrak finding out and nobody wanted Eddie in trouble with his mother. All Sonia knew was that Eddie went to Bill's house, and that's all she'll ever know.

Come the next morning, Richie literally ran from his house to Eddie's, despite his pounding headache and fatigue. Richie climbed through Eddie's window (he kept it unlocked for Richie) and searched his house, but still there was no sign of Eddie.

Richie considering calling the cops, but first he had to gather all the Losers Club for a proper search. They knew better than their own damn town cops and that's for sure.

By 10 am, the morning after the party, Richie had gathered everyone at their treehouse. They acted like a search squad hunting down a mystery disappearance. In this situation, it all made sense to them though. They felt obligated to do so. I mean it is their best friend they're talking about!

"Beverly and Ben will search downtown Derry. I'm talking all the shops, library, diners, you name it!" Richie ordered, staring at the large map they had hung up on the wall. When Richie heard no movement he turned around to see the two still there. "Fucking move it! You're not going to find him if you're still standing here!" Richie raised his voice. Being tired and stressed, nobody got snappy with Richie about his attitude. They understood his actions, for once. Ben and Beverly quickly left after that.

"Bill and Mike will check the more popular spots. Our usual go to hang outs. The Aladdin, arcade, the field out by Mike's... you guys know! Just go! Please!" He groaned in frustration and pulled at his hair. He breathed out a deep sigh before looking to Stan. "You and I, we're going down to the barrens, through the woods, and the quarry. Eddie loves that damn quarry and-"

"You saved the quarry for yourself because you know Eddie loves going to the quarry on Sundays." Stan stated. He saw straight through Richie.

"Yeah, so what? I know my own best friend..." Richie scoffed and walked over to the hatch in the floor of the treehouse to maneuver out and climb down the ladder. Stan followed behind him.

"I'm your best friend." Stan mumbled to himself, but Richie still heard.

"What did you just say? I'm _your_ best friend?"

Stan had a hard time narrowing it down to whether Richie was just tired and annoyed or genuinely offended by the comment. "Last night when Eddie blew me off, he told me _you_ were my best friend. ' _Go back to your best friend_!'" Stan mocked Eddie, raising the pitch of his voice and adding an emphasis to the 'your'.

"What happened last night?" Richie questioned, narrowing his eyes at the curly haired before next to him. "Why did you leave him?"

"I already told you, Tozier. He just got mad and blew me off. He also wasn't feeling well and I think he had to puke or something."

"For fucks sake! He was sick too?" Richie shoved Stan's shoulder. He didn't mean to take his anger out on his friend, but Richie wanted someone to blame.

"Don't push it, Richie!"

He was filled with guilt. Richie stopped walking for a second and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry to take it all out on you, Stan. I- I just..."

"We'll find him, Richie, don't worry." Stan sighed and patted Richie's back.

The two boys walked around for a half hour. The woods was clear of people. They didn't even bother with the barrens, because why would Eddie go there alone in the first place?

As they approached the large edge of the cliff they jumped off of as kids, they both stopped. From below they both could hear the sound of splashing and giggling boys.

Richie furrowed his brows and confusion took over his features. "What the hell is Eddie doing here and who is he with?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, Tozier."

"What if he like drowns or if he loses his breath and needs his inhaler? Whoever he's with certainly can't take care of Eddie like me- I mean like the rest of us can."

"Richie, Eddie's mom made him take swimming lessons every summer until sixth grade. He's the best swimmer out of all of us." Stan rolled his eyes.

"But still..." Richie mumbled.

They both slowly walked towards the edge and peeked over.

"Who the hell is that?!" Richie said a little too loud and Stan pulled him back by his shirt. Richie landed back on the ground with a thud. "The fuck, Stan!" He groaned, rubbing his arm.

"You need to quiet down!" Stan said in a hushed voice.

"I'm here to find my best friend, not spy on him with a random ass kid." Richie grumbled, getting up to dust himself off.

Stan glanced over the ledge once again and froze. His eyes widened and he quickly went back to where Richie stood and grabbed him by the shirt.

"We should just go. I mean- We know he's safe."

"What the hell, Stan. We came here for a reason. I'm not just going to glance at him then leave! I want- I need to know what happened last night and why he just disappeared. I need to know who that bowl cut kid is." His voice ended up as a growl.

"It's best we just give him space, Richie!" Stan was raising his voice now. "He'll come to us when he's ready. Let's just go back to everyone else and tell them Eddie's safe, okay?"

"No! It's not okay, Stan. I'm going down there."

Before Richie could look over and see the two boys, Stan yanked him back once again. "I said we're leaving, Richie." Stan's voice was strict, and low. Richie realized how serious this was and gulped. "If I tell you to do something, it's for a reason." He grumbled, literally holding onto Richie and pulling him away from the quarry.

Stan couldn't let Richie see Eddie kissing another boy. Stan didn't even know what to do after seeing it himself.

◦

"Why is there a band-aid on your chest." Tyler mustered up the courage to ask Eddie. It had been on the back of his mind ever since Eddie took his shirt off and got into the cold quarry water.

Eddie blushed and at this and bit down onto his lip. "I don't know... it just hurts so I guess I tried to... I don't know." Eddie couldn't even formulate a proper response. He didn't know why he did it. Well he did, but he couldn't make sense of it.

Tyler couldn't help the small giggle that passed his lips. "That's not how band-aids work, Eddie." Tyler brought a hand up and brushed his thumb across the tan, small bandage.

"I know." Eddie said in a small voice. "I guess it's a simile for me being hurt."

"Metaphor."

"Huh?" Eddie looked up from his bandaged and to Tyler. He wore a look of genuine confusion.

"It's a metaphor, not a simile." Tyler laughed again and splashed Eddie.

Eddie stuck his tongue out at the other boy and splashed him back. Eddie admired how Tyler's smile lit up his whole face and his green eyes would glimmer from the reflected water. Eddie never really thought about finding boys or girls cute. He just thought Richie was extra cute. Although in this moment, Tyler looked awfully cute too.

"How do you know you like boys?" Eddie changed subjects completely. "How did you find out you were gay?"

Tyler stopped splashing around and sank down for a moment. He slowly began to tread the water and watched Eddie's face. Then he shrugged. "I never really liked girls."

"And?" Eddie pushed him further because Tyler didn't exactly answer his question.

"I just do, okay? I just know I like boys."

"Have you ever kissed a boy before? Ever had a boyfriend?" Eddie was floating closer to Tyler without even thinking about it.

"N-no... but I've always wanted to."

"Do you want to kiss me?" Eddie didn't mind kissing Tyler. Tyler was nice; he was cute. Tyler was his.

"But you're not gay-"

"Can you keep a secret?"

Tyler's face burned in a blush and he nodded his head slowly. "Yeah... I can. And I can kiss you." His voice was quiet and he moved closer to Eddie in the water.

Eddie copied his actions and leaned into him. "Cool." He whispered, his breath hitting Tyler's lips causing the green eyed boy to shiver. Eddie closed his eyes and Tyler did the same. Eddie's lips met Tyler's and they kissed. It was soft, sweet, and long. Neither of them moved. They just sank into the moment and held onto one another.

Tyler was the one to pull away with a small smile. "Cool." He whispered, his lips brushing over the other boy's.

When Eddie opened his eyes, he wasn't met with the boy who was on his mind.


	5. Jealousy

Anxious.

Anxious, by definition, is an adjective to describe the feeling of worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an event or something with an uncertain outcome. Richie's jealously became overbearing and now he's filled with anxiety for his actions that will take place after his fourth period bell rings through the school.

Richie was anxious. A light layer of sweat had developed over his milky skin to the sound of the ticking clock. For Richie, it was like every tick, from every second, was swelling a pore to secrete a response to his nervousness. He wasn't drenched in his uneasiness, but he well glistened in the light of his AP Biology classroom. (That's right. Richie was smart despite his lack of displaying common sense and immature humor.) It wasn't obvious, his discomfort, for Richie was skilled at keeping his composure—Despite the summer of IT and nearly losing Eddie after the party—Richie was able to internalize his anxiousness. However, his ADHD did cause his leg to bounce endlessly, but that was out of his control. His heart was beating in an irregular pattern, one he didn't feel too often. Richie also chewed at his chapped bottom lip. His teeth tearing away the dry skin and ripping it raw. He could taste the light flavor iron on the tip of his tongue, yet he ignored it. His every fiber was purely nervous. Dare Richie admit he was nervous for something, but he _had_ to. He had to come to his senses and step up because – for fucks sake – he couldn't take it anymore!

It's been three whole weeks into the new school year and all Richie could think about is that boy with the bowl cut from the quarry. Except now, that boy was something so much more. All Eddie did was hang around that kid and Mary Newman. Eddie didn't mean to do it, but he completely abandoned the Losers for the new kids. Because Stan and Mary are both freshman, Eddie asked Stan to befriend her. Luckily they, Mary and Stan, shared some classes, so she wasn't so alone in the new school. Every other day Stan would join that newly formed clique for lunch or a study session, but Richie refused. Richie was so hurt by this action, as the rest of the Losers. Richie was the most loyal to the Losers' Club. Unlike Eddie, Stan would always rejoin the Losers at the end of the day. Although, Stan never mentioned the others or Eddie, almost as if the divide wasn't even happening.

The cherry on top of it all, was the fact that the bowl cut kid was in Richie's AP Biology class. Richie became a pro at zoning out every time the boy opened his mouth or even came into his peripheral vision. Richie didn't want the boy to even exist, so he acted upon it to make him invisible. As the weeks got further into the school year, it had become impossible to not acknowledge the boy. Richie's stress levels rose. He started stealing cigarettes from Beverly to cope. And _holy shit_ could Richie use a smoke right now.

The sound of the bell ringing at 3:00 caused Richie's heart to hammer in his chest. His breathe hitched. He glanced to the front corner of the room. It burned his veins to have to acknowledge the boy who stole his best friend. He quickly packed away his thick textbook and messy binder. This meant he shoved everything into his JanSport backpack without a second thought. He was unorganized, but he honestly couldn't care less. Organized or not, he got some of the best grades.

Richie quickly followed behind the boy he grew to loathe. Richie knew his schedule. The boy would walk out the class and to the end of the science hallway to put textbooks into his locker. Eddie could come a minute or two later. They always met at the locker at the end of the day. Then they'd either walk home to Eddie's or take the bus to _his_ house. So much for ignoring the kid, right? Richie couldn't help it.

"H-hey!" Richie called out to the boy in front of him. He wanted to sound assertive, bold, and brave. His words stuttered and voice cracked. He was going to play it off and blame puberty though.

Tyler didn't turn around, so Richie mustered up even more courage. He didn't have a lot of time so he had to make this quick. _Rip it off like a band-aid, Tozier_ , he thought to himself.

Richie placed his hand onto the boy's shoulder and forcefully turned the kid around. "I said 'hey!' Don't you know when someone's talking to you?" Richie came off as very rude to Tyler, but it was his intention anyways.

Tyler froze under the eyes of the tall, raven haired boy. "I'm sorry?"

_Well shit, I didn't think this far into the conversation_. Now Richie was frozen. The two looked at each other for a good second.

"Why- what-" Richie couldn't even spit the words out. Tyler looked at him in confusion; his eyebrows drawn together and wet lips parted.

"I'm sorry, but I've got to get going." His voice was small and he stepped forward to walk around Richie. Richie stopped the smaller boy by grabbing his arm.

"Who are you? What did- how- why did Eddie leave me for you?" Richie's voice got quiet. He didn't expect it come out that way, but it did. He didn't even realize how hurt he was until the words came out of his mouth and he heard it for himself. _Eddie left him_.

"I'm Tyler. I'm Eddie's best friend. You're just Richard from AP Bio..." Tyler mumbled, awkward and confused by their current situation. He knew of Richie, but he never knew his face. Tyler knew of the Losers, but Eddie never formally introduced them. It wasn't his fault for being ignorant to this.

Richie's face dropped, so did his heart. The words ran through his head over and over again. _I'm Tyler. I'm Eddie's best friend_.

By the time Richie snapped out of his trance and blinked back into reality, Tyler had left.

"Fuck..." Richie whispered and shook his head. He sighed, beginning to walk down the hallway.

Richie slowly walked out of Derry High School. He pushed his thick glasses up his nose with a sigh. His feet dragging with every step. His hands tightly holding his backpack straps.

Now Richie had to move onto a different problem. He didn't want to have to deal with _her_. She's been so annoying lately with Richie. All she wanted to do is see what the Losers were up to. Hang out with all of the Losers. Hear stories about all the Losers. She'll come over to their lunch table sometimes too. She'll interrupt their study hall. Richie would rather see Pennywise again than her face.

At the same time, she helped Richie not think about Eddie. So when she offered to invite Richie over Friday afternoon, he thought ' _sure, why the hell not_ '.

Richie walked out to the schools parking lot and over to Emily Kennedy's car. With an exaggerated sigh, he flung open the passenger door and flopped down into the seat, ignoring his seatbelt.

Emily sent a smile over to Richie. Richie gave one back, sarcastically.

"What's up, babe?" Richie cringed at the nickname.

"Not a good day." Was all he muttered out. He noticed that Emily hadn't even started her car yet. "So, are we leaving or what?" He was getting annoyed already.

"Not until you give me a kiss!" Emily giggled and puckered her lips to the boy. Before Richie could even respond, she stopped herself with another giggled. "I'm kidding! We have to wait for my step-sister and her friends."

"Great!" Richie groaned and leaned his head back against the headrest. "Little girls giggling and snickering about whatever Freshman drama is happening this week or the junior varsity football team's quarterback."

"Actually..."

"Hiya, Em!" A happy voice rang in Richie's ears after the sound of both sides of the back car doors opening. Richie glanced back and saw Mary Newman. His eyes followed behind her and- _fucking fantastic_. It was Tyler too.

Tyler made eye contact with Richie and he noticeably gulped. Tyler then leaned into Mary's ear and he was obviously whispering something about Richie. Mary whispered something back then patted his thigh.

"Sorry we're a little late. I had to stop by the nurse's office to drop off my new inhaler. My last one ran out and gym is kicking my ass without being able to use-" The voice stopped.

Richie bit down onto his lip at the sound of Eddie's voice. His heart started to beat funny and he physically couldn't look at the small boy in the backseat. Making eye contact with him for three seconds caused his face to flush deeply.

Tyler glanced between the two boys with furrowed brows. Suddenly, he put two and two together the nodded slowly to himself, "Oh...". Eddie shot Tyler a weird look. Tyler responded by mouthing, 'I'll tell you later'.

The ride back to Mary and Emily's house was full of tension. The air was thick and everyone in the car could feel how uncomfortable it was. Emily kept stealing glances from Eddie through her mirrors. Richie had never been this silent in his life and it was killing him. He had to bite the insides of his cheeks to refrain from spitting word vomit. Tyler watched out the window, zoning out into his own world. Eddie fumbled with his fingers while staring at his lap.

Mary was the one who broke the silence. "Sooo, who's ready for movie night?!" She asked in a cheery voice, trying to break the tension.

"This is a movie night?" Richie questioned, his tone angry. Emily didn't mention a movie night. He thought they were just hanging out for a little bit.

"Emily didn't tell you?"

"No. My kind of movie nights are strictly with _my_ friends at Bill's house." Richie mumbled.

The ride fell silent once again after that.

When they arrived at the Kennedy's house, Mary led both the boys upstairs to her room. Tyler explained the situation with Richie to the two.

Richie awkwardly stood in the doorway of the large house, watching the three small teens disappear upstairs. Richie was aching in jealously.

Emily came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She placed a kiss to his cheek. Richie contained his scoff and the fact that he wanted to wipe his face.

"Wanna go upstairs to my room? Parents aren't home until nine tonight." She smiled. Richie only rolled his eyes. "What's up your butt today, Richie?" Emily sighed and grabbed Richie's arm, pulling him towards her staircase. "Let's go see everyone else in Mary's room! You're friends with Eddie, right? Don't act like he doesn't exist just because he's friends with Tyler and Mary too."

The rest of the night went painfully slow.

Eddie, not feeling comfortable enough around Richie just yet, stayed by Tyler's side. He did his best to keep his distance from Richie. It was clear, and it killed Richie that he was doing this. Richie only came to forget about Eddie, but instead he got stuck with Eddie under the same roof and he wasn't even able to talk to him!

Richie also caught on to Emily trying to flirt with him. Emily was very confusing to Richie. She was either painfully friendly, or desperately trying to make out with him.

As Friday followed, Emily ordered them pizza. They watched Gremlins and then started to watch Jaws.

Towards the middle of the film, Eddie excused himself to the restroom. Richie took this as an opportunity to follow. Tyler had his eyes glued to the screen and Mary too. Emily watched the two boys leave the home theater and crossed her arms.

Eddie didn't know exactly where the bathroom was in their house, so he had to look for it. Considering their house's layout was similar to Tyler's, he knew Mary's room would have a bathroom connected as well. Eddie slowly made his way upstairs, not wanting to cause too much noise and disturb the movie for everyone else.

Little did he know, Richie was close behind.

Eddie used Mary's bathroom and after washing his hands, he stared at himself in the mirror for a minute. Eddie couldn't believe that Richie was literally here right now in this house. He knew Emily and Richie had gotten closer since the party. She drives him home sometimes and they hangout during the school day. Hell, he even stays after some days for her cheer practice. Eddie knew they were dating now. They had to be. The stolen cheek kisses. The hand holding. The holding each other's books. Every time Eddie passed them in the hallway, Emily wore this smug little look. She was proud to have Richie. Eddie sure as hell didn't know why. (He did know why. Because sometimes he wished it was him.)

Eddie sighed and opened the door to walk out of the bathroom. The second he stepped out, he was pushed up against the bathroom door. A body flush to his own. Warm, ragged, nervous breaths beat down onto his face. A pair of pale long hands pressed on both sides of him, holding him hostage against the bathroom door. Eddie didn't need to look up because he knew who it was.

Overwhelmed with anxiety, Eddie's breathing became irregular. He didn't want to show weakness in front of Richie, but this moment was too much for him. This interaction wasn't expected. Eddie wasn't ready to face Richie. Not yet. Not now.

Eddie reached down to his fanny pack with a shaky hand to unzip the pouch. Richie's hand, more composed, beat him to it. Richie gently handed the boy his inhaler. Richie took a step back to allow the boy space to use his inhaler, but Richie still blocked Eddie's chance to escape.

Once Eddie got his breath back, Richie spoke. "Eds." He began and Eddie responded fast.

"Don't call me that."

"Eddie, _please_." Richie's voice was begging now. Richie looked down at the small boy in front of him clad in a yellow graphic t-shirt and those damn red shorts. Richie looked him up and down, his eyes only finding their way back to Eddie's lips then his big brown eyes. "You can't keep doing this. We miss you, the Losers and I; _I_ miss you."

Eddie didn't speak. He only bit down onto his lip and watched the floor of Mary's bedroom.

"Eds, I want my best friend back." Richie whispered. His voice was so vulnerable. Eddie had never heard it this way before. It was making Eddie weak because, damn, Eddie missed him too.

"I can't just leave Ty."

"Ty?" Richie's chest was struck with agony. "Y-you call him Ty?" Richie bit onto his bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. He didn't want to be emotional, but fuck it's been three weeks without his best friend and he's never felt so lonely. The weathers getting colder and the treehouse isn't warm enough at night. He missed the sleepovers with Eddie.

"Tyler, yeah, I call him Ty sometimes..."

"Just like I call you 'Eds' sometimes?"

It fell silent again.

"I just want you back in my life, Eddie, please. I don't know what I did wrong but I'll make it up to you! I promise. I swear." Richie held out his pinky. "Remember, you promised you'd always be my best friend too. You can't break that promise." Richie's eyes danced all over Eddie. He couldn't even read or recognize his own best friend. Richie leaned in closer to Eddie as if he'd get a better look at the boy through this thick lenses.

Eddie didn't move. Eddie didn't lift his pinky.

"Go back to kissing your girlfriend, Richie." Eddie mumbled, finally moving, but only to place his hands on Richie's chest and shove him back.

Determined, Richie did his best to plant his feet and not move. "She's not my girlfriend."

"That's not what she said."

"When did- that bitch..."

"You shouldn't call your girlfriend names."

"You shouldn't leave your best friend behind, and she's not my fucking girlfriend."

Neither of them seemed to realize how close they had gotten. Richie's face staring down at Eddie's, centimeters apart. Eddie's eyes glaring up into Richie's. Richie wanted to place his hands on Eddie's hips, but he kept them pressed against the door on each side of Eddie. Meanwhile Eddie had his small hands balled into fists at his sides.

"You left me the second your lips touched Emily's."

Richie couldn't help but smirk now. It all clicked in his head. He licked over his lips, "you're jealous." He stated.

Eddie glanced away, his cheeks going red. Slowly, he unclenched his fists. "Maybe, but so were you. Tyler told me what you did in the hallway."

Richie laughed a little. "I couldn't take it anymore and I had to do something. That kid stole my best friend from me!"

"He's still-"

"He's your friend, but I'm your best friend. You promised." Richie's breath fanned over Eddie's lips. Eddie glanced down from Richie's lips before returning to Richie's eyes. Eddie looked away again, blushing more. "I was worried sick, when you left the party. I-I..."

"Stan told me." Eddie's stomached erupted with butterflies again, just like when Stan told him the story the first time. "I'm not sorry I left the party though. I have Tyler now because of it and-"

"But you'll always have me, Eds." Richie's lips were dangerously close to Eddie's. Nearly brushing over his. Eddie couldn't take the tension they had built up in a matter of minutes. Eddie's cheeks burned in a blush that rose from his stomach then to his neck and so forth. His breaths short and staggered.

"Richie..."

"Eds, you'll always be mine, my best friend."

Eddie's body was on fire. He couldn't take it anymore. Richie was too close, too tempting. Eddie raised the tips of his tippy toes and his hands found Richie's thin waist. He leaned up with eyes closed and—

"What's taking your guys so long to use the bathroom?!"


	6. Rash

The cool September air shouldn't cause jealousy. The breezed brushed through Eddie's slightly curled, and longer hair. It nipped at his cheeks and nose, giving his skin a pink flush. It caressed his arms, his neck, and his face. It caused him to shiver. The wind could touch the boy, but not him, not Richie. The sky was empty of warmth; the sun was slowly leaving for the day which caused a display of watercolor reds and oranges to paint the skies. The warm tones of the upper atmosphere gave the small boy a glow, but it didn't compare to his smile. No, that could light the entire town aflame. The stars would be out in a few hours and, oh, how they reminded him of his favorite pair of brown eyes and constellations of freckles.

The cool September air shouldn't cause jealously, but it made Richie jealous. He was jealous of the wind. Something as simple as an evening breeze. He wanted to be that close. He wanted to be as intimate as the wind meeting goosebump covered skin. He was determined though.

Richie didn't know whether he should be upset or not. After the incident at Mary and Emily's house last Friday, Eddie had rejoined the Losers. Eddie would only sit and hang out with Tyler and Mary on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or at least that's what he swore he would do. Richie was glad to have Eddie back in the group, but that only made Emily hang around them even more. Eddie was still distant with Richie as well. They weren't attached at the hip like Richie thought they'd be. It hurt him to know Eddie was still pushing away from him, but a part of him knew Eddie had to be hurting too.

Richie trailed along behind the Losers. His arms were crossed over his chest. His lips pressed together in a flat line. His glasses were falling down his nose and he was too stubborn to move from his upset position to push them back up the bridge of his nose. He had made small conversation with Beverly, but that was really it. Nobody mentioned how out of character Richie was, but they all could feel it.

Stan glanced back to his friend, knowing that he was falling behind the group. Stan rolled his eyes knowing he had to be the one to fix things. Stan slowed his pace so he could meet with Richie. He sighed before he spoke. "What's wrong now, Richie?" Stan glanced to Eddie who was laughing at something Mike said. "He's back. Isn't that what you wanted?" Stan kept his voice low, wanting this conversation to be strictly between the two of them.

"He's happier with Tyler and Mary. When he's with us he's so distant." Richie mumbled.

"Maybe he's distant because you're not trying." Stan watched as Richie rolled his eyes at that response.

"That's the reason he is distant. I tried, and yeah he's back, but he can't even look me in the eyes!"

"What did you do?" Stan raised a brow, watching their distance between the group. Richie wanted to be annoyed at how quick Stan was to assume it was his fault, yet Richie had a gut feeling it was too.

"I- I just... we talked it out. Sort of." Richie shook his head then stuffed his hands into his pockets. "...I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"Emily."

"What?" Richie scrunched his nose and squinted his eyes, looking at Stan. Confusion overcame his face.

"She's the problem. Eddie distanced himself from Mary and Tyler, but Emily just got closer. It's not fair. She is pretty damn annoying, Richie, I'm surprised she isn't here right now. She's practically your girlfriend." Stan crossed his arms, a small smug look on his face. Stan knew he was right.

"What are you talking about? Emily and I won't ever be a thing! Something happened at a party and now she's just- she's like obsessed! I don't know!" Richie huffed in defeat and threw his hands in the air.

"Excuses, Richie, if you didn't want her around then you and your big trashmouth would tell her and make it apparent. Until you learn to act upon what you really want, you can sit and watch Eddie disappear."

Richie bit at his lip and thought over what Stan had told him. Part of him knew Stan was right, but there was something about Emily that Richie didn't want to let go.

Stan walked away from Richie and caught up with the rest of the group. Richie sighed loudly then began walking faster to catch up as well.

Next, Richie did what felt natural. He caught up with the Losers, and made a loud and very inappropriate joke which erupted a simultaneous shout of 'Beep beep, Richie!'. Richie smiled at this. He knew if he wanted things to be the way they were before, he had to act the way they were before. _I should listen to Stan more often_ , he thought.

Richie walked up behind Eddie and snaked his arms around the smaller boy's waist. He lifted him up and spun him around. Richie would be lying if he said Eddie's eruption of giggles didn't make his heart stop.

"Put me down, Tozier!" Eddie laughed and playing smacked at Richie's arms.

"Let me sit next to you in the theatre." Richie grinned, still keeping Eddie lifted and held tight.

"Will you put me down if I say yes?" Richie didn't know if Eddie was blushing or if he was getting chilly in the early autumn wind.

"You'll have to answer to find out."

"Yes, you can sit next to me in the theatre!" Eddie laughed softly, trying his best to glare down at Richie in faux anger.

Richie smiled and put the boy back down. He stole a glance to Stan, Stan gave a sarcastic smile. _I hope that's a sign of approval_.

"Majority rule, we're seeing _Arachnophobia_ tonight!" Mike announced with a smile, high-giving Bill in the process.

"Most people s-saw it over summer w-when it first came out." Bill grinned, wrapping an around the chubby boy. Ben smiled up at Bill, his round cheeks tinted red from the bitter chilly winds.

"Which means we should have almost the whole place to ourselves!" Ben finished for Bill.

"How do you expect to get into a movie when we don't have enough to pay for all our tickets?" Stan crossed his arms, pulling his thick jacket closer to himself.

"I've got it guys." Beverly walked up at the Aladdin's front doors. She swung it up and held it wide. "Ladies first." She winked playfully.

"You heard her, Eds! Go!" Richie spoke in a British accent then cackled as he gently pushed the smaller boy towards the entrance.

"I hate almost all you guys." Eddie rolled his eyes, allowing Richie to basically shove him into the theater. "Except you Mike. You're good." Eddie smiled at him, absentmindedly scratching at his chest.

"I'm honored." Mike smiled in return, taking the position from Beverly so he could hold the door open for everyone to get inside.

The Losers all managed to sneak into a theater to pile into. Luckily the movie they're seeing had been out for two months now so it would be towards the end of the hallway of theaters. Once passed all the employees, they made their way in. They all sat in the row before the last at the top (so they could recline their seats without hitting a wall). Richie made sure he sat next to Eddie and was the only one too. Eddie had the end of the row, next was Richie, then Stan, and Bill, Beverly, Ben, with Mike last.

During the ads and beginning movie previews, Stan and Bill left so they could go buy snacks for everyone. Stan returned with three large Cokes (they could shared and they could deal with it), while Bill got a large bucket of popcorn and a couple boxes of candies.

Due to the theatre being all to themselves, they could be as loud and obnoxious as they pleased. Richie threw popcorn down the row at Beverly. Eddie tossed candies into Mike's mouth. Stan could snap at them when they got annoying. It was fun for them. Though as the film progressed, some grew increasingly scared. I mean, it is spiders they're watching! Ben didn't want to admit that he held his eyes shut during some scenes. Bill, on the other hand, was completely drawn to the movie; his mind becoming engulfed with new ideas and concepts to write down.

Then there was Richie. He wasn't _actually_ scared, but he wanted to find every excuse he could to be noticed in Eddie's eyes. He was going to try and hold his hand... for comfort of course.

He started off small. For example, when Eddie reached over to take a sip of his and Richie's shared Coke, Richie made sure he went to grab it at the same time. Their hands would meet and fingers ghost. Their cheeks would blush. Their hands would draw back until one of them shyly went at the drink again. The same thing happened when going in for popcorn or candy. Let's just say that Eddie was happy the theatre was dark so nobody could see his reddened cheeks.

However, towards the middle of the film, their Coke was empty and the candy was either eaten or on the floor of the cinema. They handed the rest of their popcorn to Mike and Beverly. Richie couldn't make small coincidental touches with Eddie anymore. He had to take things up a notch. _Go for it, Tozier_ , He thought.

The room was silent now. All seven of the kids had been sucked into the screen, their eyes never leaving and watching in anticipation of what was going to happen next. The booming stereos around the room echoed through their ears. It was the kind of horror music where you knew something was about to happen due to the quick pace notes. They all were on edge now. Well... all but Richie. He was half watching, half eyeing Eddie in the corner of his eyes. His palms were held onto the edge of the armrest and growing clammy. _Do it, do it, do it._

Right when he was going to make a move, Eddie's right hand went up to scratch at his chest. _Come on, Eddie!_

Richie closed his eyes and licked onto his lips. He slowly un-grasped his hand from the end of the armrest he didn't even realize he was clutching so hard. His palm was open now and ready to take Eddie's in.

A loud _boom_ swallowed the theater. Stan jumped in his seat, as did Mike. Ben yelped and covered his eyes. Eddie jumped slightly in his seat, but he did something much scarier than the film could ever do to Richie.

Eddie grabbed Richie's hand, and he held it. He held it so tight. Richie was quick to lace their fingers and give him a gentle squeeze. _I'm here, Eds, I'm here_. Richie wishes he could always do this, hold Eddie's hand. Even though it's just a silly horror movie, Richie wanted to be there and always hold Eddie's hand when he's scared, even over the stupid stuff.

They held hands through the rest of the movie. Richie was so focused on Eddie's small, soft palm in his. He could feel the other's pulse against his hand; he swore it hummed through his own system. Every texture and every groove of Eddie's hand he felt with the pad of his thumb, memorized. Richie was swimming in his touch, and he didn't mind drowning there.

The movie ended and they all made their way out of the theatre. The two boys didn't want to let go of each other, but they did. They said their goodbyes and parted ways to walk home.

Eddie hugged his oversized jacket to his small frame. Ben offered to walk him home, but Eddie politely declined. Eddie purposely walked slow, hoping Richie would approach him again. Eddie got lucky.

"Hey! Eds- I mean Eddie. Can I uhm..."

"Yeah, Rich?" Eddie looked up at Richie through his thick lashes and Richie silently cursed in his head at how cute he looked.

_It's getting cold out and I can't stand staying in that treehouse another night. I need a shower and clean clothes. I know you've noticed but you won't say anything about it. I really want you to mention it though because it's killing me side that you can act like you don't care about me. I care so much about you and, and- fuck! Sure that treehouse is my home as of late, but you're my home too. I need to stay somewhere. I need to stay with you._

"Can I spend the night with you?" Richie asked, his voice soft. Eddie also noticed that Richie's voice was getting raspier; he liked it, but it also concerned him.

Eddie wanted to say no. He still felt uncomfortable with everything that's happened since the party. At the same time, he fucking missed Richie and to have a night with just him sounds amazing. "Of course." He smiled a little, "but you can't sleep with my mom." He ended with a small laugh.

Richie's face lit up with a wide smile. He threw his arms around Eddie and hugged him close to his chest. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me, Eddie Spaghetti!"

"You always spent the night." Eddie chuckled and gently pushed him back. "Why so happy now?"

"Don't mind it. I know Ms. Kaspbrak is missing me. Lets go." Richie grinned. He threw his arm around Eddie's shoulders and they began to walk to Eddie's house.

They made small jokes, had quiet laughs, and wore blushed cheeks. Their shoulders would bump, their hands would brush, and they again wore blushed cheeks. In the cold of the September night air, their comfort was warm and radiating.

Richie noticed something along the way home. Eddie kept scratching his chest. He ignore it the first few times because we all get a little itch now and then, but Eddie was really going at his chest and Richie was becoming concerned. _What if he's hurting himself?_ That was the biggest and most worrying question he held in his head.

Because Ms. Kaspbrak went to bed around 8:00, the boys could easily get into the house as long as they were quiet. She was generally a heavy sleeper anyways.

Once inside they went up to Eddie's room and tossed their backpacks onto the floor.

"You can shower. I'll wash your clothes and get you some fresh ones for bed."

Richie thanked him and he did just that. He cleaned himself in Eddie's apple scented shampoo then body wash. He felt like a new person. The last time he showered was Tuesday and that was in the school's locker room. He had to do that at five in the morning before anyone was at the school. He hated it.

When he went back to Eddie's bedroom, he was quiet. He crept behind the door and peered in through the crack. Eddie was changing. Now this sounds creepy, but it's not, he was curious and concerned. Richie bit down onto his lip and held his breath. Eddie's back was turned to him, yet he knew that Eddie was looking down at his own chest. He saw Eddie throw something into the small trash bin by his desk. That's when Richie walked into the room, only a towel wrapped around his hips.

"Eds..."

Eddie snapped around fast, a hand placed over his chest but not the scraped and rough, red patch of skin. No, that was exposed for Richie to view.

"Jesus Christ, Richie!" He yelled in a hushed tone, careful not to wake his mother. "You scared me. And you're getting my carpet wet with your hair!"

"What's wrong with your chest?" Richie ignored him, walking right up to the smaller boy. "You've got a-"

"A rash." Eddie knew what it was from. He needed to make a pharmacy run in the morning.

"Aren't you going to take care of it? There could a lot wrong, like what if-"

"I'm too tired, Rich." Eddie lied. "I'm going to shower. You change and we'll deal with it when I'm back."

Eddie left the room quickly. Richie stood there confused.

He ended changing into the pajamas Eddie left out for him. They were his own clothes. He had always kept a pair at Eddie's. This made him smile. Although his smile faltered when he passed Eddie's desk and his eyes caught a glimpse of his yellow trash bin.

An empty and slightly torn box sat underneath a pile of used band-aids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the end was a lil rushed


	7. Pharmacy Run

1 am was quiet. The winds from hours before weren't blowing. The trees outside, and all throughout the town of Derry, stood still in the black of night. There was no rustle of leaves to whistle in the air or brush against the exterior of houses. Animals had burrowed themselves away for rest. Families along the street slept soundly in the comfort of their own homes. The sky was empty of clouds and stars. The town of Derry would be lucky to even find the moon. It was empty. It was a silent night.

1 am was quiet. _Was._ Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier both sat at the end of Eddie's bed. After both got showered and ate leftovers from Sonia's dinner (spaghetti, and yes Eddie was teased for a good hour about it), they headed back to Eddie's room. It shouldn't have been awkward, but it was. They avoided the topic for most the night, but they both knew it would resurface. There was no going back. Richie saw Eddie's rash. Eddie was embarrassed.

"Has your mom seen it?" Richie spoke up through the quiet. His leg was bouncing endlessly and his fingers fumbled in his lap. His eyes never left himself. He really wanted to look at Eddie though. He really wanted to touch him again. (He always did.) Just to hold his hand would allow his concerns to die down.

"Hell no." Eddie laughed softly. He held a weak smile on his lips. "If my mom saw my chest, I would have been in the hospital for the past three days-" Eddie scratched at his chest again.

"You've had it for three days?!" Richie snapped his head up to see the boy next to him. His eyebrows rose in shock and lips parted. _How could Eddie of all people live with that for days?_ His eyes darted at the spot Eddie was scratching. He reached his hand forward and pulled Eddie's hand away from himself. "Don't. You're probably making it worse." Richie's voice was gentle. Eddie listened.

"I have to go the pharmacy tomorrow, or I guess today. In the morning. Maybe before my mom wakes up." Eddie mumbled, ignoring the urge to scratch his chest again. "Tyler already promised he'd meet me there." Eddie added quickly, knowing that Richie would try and join him. He didn't want Richie to know the stupid reason he got the rash in the first place. 

Richie's face fell and his lips frowned. It's like every time he heard the name, saw the face, or even imagined the kid his heart fell to his stomach.

"Yeah, Tyler, your best friend." Richie spoke slow and he nearly choked on his own last words.

"Richie-" Eddie felt a pain in his chest that wasn't from the rash.

"I should just go, shouldn't I?" Richie couldn't even hide the fact that he was sad now. His mind was already rationalizing whether it was better to go to the treehouse and freeze or back to his house and deal with the wrath that it is his parents.

"No, Rich. You were so excited to come over... just forget about the rash and we'll watch a movie? Or we can do those stupid Star Wars puzzles that Bill got me for my birthday two years ago. Anything you want." Eddie begged softly, his body was now turned to face Richie. He sat criss-cross.

 _Anything I want?_ There was a lot Richie wanted to do in this moment. But he couldn't.

The sound of the washer from the laundry closet started to slow. Eddie knew he would have to go turn it off or his mother would possibly wake from the ding it echoed when it was done. He didn't want to take the risk.

"I'll be right back." Eddie got up and left the room. He quietly tiptoed through the hall and turned off the washer so he could place Richie's clothes into the dryer. Due to Richie's jacket being a rather thick one, Eddie didn't want to wash it with the rest of his clothes. When Eddie lifted the coat, he checked all the pockets to make sure nothing would get ruined in the wash.

He paused; he felt a box in the large right pocket as well as an oddly shaped item that felt all too familiar to him.

Eddie's eyes swelled with tears when he pulled out an inhaler. Written on the back on the blue aspirator was " _for Eds_ " in Richie's sloppy handwriting. A large smile emerged onto his face. Suddenly his heart was full again. He choked a soft sob then quickly wiped his face from the overwhelming empathy.

When Eddie lazily placed the coat on top of the washer, a small red and white box slipped from the pocket and onto the floor. It was a pack of Marlboros that had hit the floor. Eddie didn't know if he wanted to cry from the inhaler or the cigarettes. Two polar opposite items. One that could aid in breathing, and the other that could one day take your breath away.

Without another thought, Eddie picked up the pack of cigarettes in a shaky hand. His thumb brushed over the worn out pack. It was slightly destroyed from rain; even a little dirt was on the box as if Richie had dropped it several times.

Eddie walked back into his bedroom, his eyes never leaving the package of cancer sticks in his hand.

"Richie... is this why your voice is getting all raspy? I don't think you should be..." Eddie looked up, hoping to see Richie sat on the end of his bed where he left him. But no.

Eddie's bedroom window was open and Richie was gone.

 

Eddie cried himself to sleep that night while wearing Richie's jacket. An inhaler and pack of Marlboros in hand.

◦

7 am rolled around and the two boys are walking down Derry towards a place that consumed Eddie's life. He knew the pharmacy all too well and pharmacy runs were common.

Tyler forced himself to ignore the sight of Eddie's puffy eyes; he knew it was from crying. There were too nights when Tyler stayed up sobbing into his pillows. Although his were from being ashamed of the person he was. _Gay_. It's scary being different. All-in-all, he knew that if Eddie wanted to tell him what was going on then he would whenever he was comfortable.

"That coat looks awfully familiar." Tyler said in a teasing tone, a small smile on his lips.

Eddie's cheeks blushed in a soft pink. He bit down onto his bottom lip to hold back the smile. "I think one of the Losers left it..." Eddie lied, sort of. One of the Losers did leave it, but he knew who.

They walked into the store. The smell of lemon and fresh laundry overcame their senses. Being the morning, there wasn't many people out. Just Mr. Keene at the back desk, ready to supply medications and a half asleep goth teen girl in the front.

"This way." Eddie mumbled, guiding Tyler towards the shelf of bandages and ointments.

"Do you know what you're supposed to be getting?"

"This could be my second home, Ty. I know exactly what to get." Eddie's eyes scanned over the variety of bandaids. "Help me find the sensitive band-aids. I think I'm having a bad reaction to the regular ones."

"You're allergic band-aids?" Tyler snickered, raising a brow. 

"No!" Eddie huffed, playfully smacking Tyler's arm. "I just- I don't know. Maybe it was the brand. Or I wore one for too long." He shrugged.

Tyler ran his finger along the shelf. He stopped when he found a box that looked reliable. He allowed his fingers to grasp the box, picking it up to show off to Eddie. "Here! Theses ones should be good." 

"Great. Now we need ointment for this rash and I think I know exactly what I need!" 

Eddie ended up finding an ointment and cream that should have his rash gone in three days tops. Because Eddie couldn't pay or use his account, Tyler was kind enough to purchase Eddie's necessities. Eddie was grateful for his friend.

As they left the pharmacy, they talked about their past week of school. Due to them being in different grades, and not seeing each other during the week like they had most of the year, they had some catching up to do.

Apparently Mary has a crush on Mike, but she's not sure if she'll approach her feelings. Tyler got the second highest grade in all of the AP bio classes (Richie got first, but he didn't mention it). Ben is out with chicken pox. Eddie complained about how annoying geometry was. It was the simple high school topics.

"You coming back to my place? My mom is picking me up from the library at 11. We could hang out until then?" Tyler shrugged, offering the other although it sounded like a question. He stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

"I have to head back home or my mom will have a cow." Eddie's lips were in a meek smile. His lips pressed together. "Plus I have to aid this rash." He laughed faintly before continuing, "If I didn't have to worry about her I would."

Tyler shrugged and smiled small. "It's fine, Eddie. I'm meeting Mary at the library to help go over the Odyssey."

"You wanted me to join that?" Eddie laughed, a slightly shocked expression on his features. "I nearly failed that entire unit!"

"Okay okay... so it's not for everybody."

"Anyways, I'll catch you later, Ty." Eddie stopped in his tracks and gave a one armed hug to his friend. "Thanks for coming to the pharmacy."

Tyler hugged him back, "Not a problem. See you at school, Eddie."

And with that the boys began to depart, taking separate streets to different locations.

Eddie gulped as he passed the house on Neibolt St. He kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding making eye contact with the terrifying house as if it could state back at him. He swore it watching him. Just the thought of it made shivers run down his spine. He quickened his pace. He would be lying if he didn't have his hand hovering over his fanny pack to whip out his inhaler. He did his best to maintain a steady breath and not have it get caught in his chest. He hated taking this road alone, but it was the best way to get home.

Once the dreadful house was out of his view, his thoughts simmered down and began to think. He thought of Richie. He didn't know where he went wrong or why he left. Why would Richie leave anyways? Did he get home safely? Is he with Emily?

He was beginning to make his own head hurt.

After a good ten minute walk, he was approaching his house. His pace came to a slow when he saw a figure on his front porch steps. A head of black, messy curls held in large hands. Thin, pale fingers knotted into the curls, as if trying to find warmth in the autumn air. He looked like he needed warmth, sitting in a striped long sleeve t-shirt without a coat.

Eddie's face blushed.

Richie came for him.

But Eddie was wearing his coat.

Great...

Eddie bit onto his bottom lip. His left hand holding onto the plastic bag from the pharmacy tight. He wanted to breath a shaky breath, but he kept his composure.

"H-hi, Richie." Eddie was quiet, but he knew he could be heard.

Richie's head shot up. He wasn't planning on being kind with the boy. No, not today. But when he looked up to see his best friend stood four feet in front of him while wearing his coat (too big on him), he couldn't help but display a smile.

"Hi Eds..."

"Where did you-"

"I came back for my coat." Richie hugged his arms around himself. Eddie ignored how thin he looked. Normally Richie wore many layers.

"Oh y-yeah." Eddie stuttered and quickly shed off the large coat. He stepped closer to the boy, stumbling over his own feet. A blush crept from his neck to his face. "Sorry." He whispered.

Richie smiled a little and slid his own coat back onto his figure. "You looked cute."

Eddie smiled at the ground.

"Anyways, I'm sorry I left last night, Spaghetti Man." Richie sighed and stood up from his place on the steps. "Something just came over me... I went back home." He was honest. He did go back home for the night.

Instead of replying, Eddie dropped his bag to the ground and threw his arms around the taller boy. He held him in his embrace and hugged. Richie hugged back.

"I'm going to meet up with Beverly now." Richie smiled into the smaller boy's hair. "I'll catch you later."

"Stay safe, Trashmouth." Eddie smiled, pulling away from him.

There was a lot Eddie wanted to say to Richie. He wanted to confront him. He wanted to ask him a thousand questions. He wanted to know why everything between them had fallen apart since late August. He didn't know where they were anymore, or what exactly they were. They've become so difficult. He could only hope it didn't get any worse. However, Eddie didn't do anything about it. Because there he stood by his front door, watching Richie walk away.

Meanwhile, as Richie walked away from Eddie and to Beverly, he was digging into his coat pocket for his pack of Marlboros.

He held the box in his hand now. _It feels lighter than normal. Odd_.

Richie slipped it from the pocket and flipped the red and white box open. It was empty.

A small frown took place on his chapped lips. His brows furrowed and eyes squinted as he looked inside the box. A small paper was folded on the bottom.

With his long, slender fingers he pulled out the paper and unfolded it with ease.

He read it over and smiled meekly. His eyes glazing over.

_"Please take care of yourself."_

__

_-Eds_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im still getting used to ao3 bc this story is my first time using this platform, im sorry for any issues in formatting !
> 
> BTW my fancast for the extra cast is as the following:  
> noah schnapp as tyler williams  
> millie bobby brown as mary newman  
> kiernan shipka as emily kennedy


	8. Gym Class & Bike Talks

Richie didn't know what he hated more. The gym, or losing. The atmosphere was always stale in their gymnasium. The air hot from the heavy breathes of too many students all being active in one room. The constant smell of sweat and feet. Dirty gym socks could be the name of a candle and that room is exactly how anyone in Derry High School would expect it to smell. The horrid uniforms for this specific class period were, too, annoying: navy blue shorts and a gray t-shirt with their school name and mascot plastered on the front. Although a period where Richie can let his ADHD be known and displayed in full effect, it wasn't right. At least not this year. For once, he didn't have the energy. It was draining to watch something he adored so much walk away.

Richie didn't know what he hated more: the fact that gym class this year was the worst because a certain someone wasn't by his side, or the fact that the certain someone was in his exact gym class but was far too busy hanging out with the new kid in class. _Why did they have to put him into some of the same classes? Is that even fair? Why the hell is Tyler in my AP Biology class and gym period? Why make him so goddamn special?_

"You're glaring at the new kid." A voice ripped the boy for his thoughts. In Richie's mind it was the sound of a record scratch.

Richie lifted his left hand up to the frames of his thick, brown glasses and adjusted them. His nose was slightly scrunched and his eyes remained squinted in a strong glare.

"Do you think they can see it from here?" Richie asked, glancing up to the tall figure beside him.

It was his and Eddie's gym teacher, Mr. Poleski. He was a generally nice man. He was tall, had a pink undertone to his light complexion, and blue-gray eyes. He wasn't chubby, nor was he fit. His daily tracksuits didn't do his body justice, though. He was just an averaged sized middle-aged man who started balding too early. He was kind of the lonely teacher who didn't associate himself with the other teachers, but somehow could manage decent conversations with his students. That's the relationships that matter in school anyways, the ones with good teachers.

"Well," Mr. Poleski started then laughed softly. He crossed his arms over his chest. "You certainly might be causing discomfort but I'm not sure if this is intimidating enough." The teacher ruffled Richie's hair a bit. "Common kid, how about you go play basketball with those kids. That might get new kid's attention. Hell, I'll even join you." He pointed over to the group of kids close by under the large backboard and hoop.

"It's not the new kid's attention that I want! And does it look like I play bask-"

And as if the world truly did hate Richie Tozier, it did wonders because right before the four-eyed boy could finish his sentence a large, orange and angry basketball came flying right towards his face.

"Yo, Bucky Beaver, watch out!" A loud voice yelled out, but it was too late.

The ball hit Richie in the right side of his face, knocking his glasses clean off and nearly sending him to the floor. 

Some of the class erupted into laughter while some gasped and questioned if he was going to be okay.

"Oh fuck off!" Richie yelled out, stumbling from the hit he just endured. His face went red. It could've been from the hit, or it could've been from the embarrassment. He didn't care if their response was positive or negative. He didn't want everyone to see him like that, especially not Eddie.

Luckily Mr. Poleski could at least save the kid in time before he would fall to the floor and further any injuries.

"Are you alright?" The teacher asked, reaching down to retrieve the glasses that somehow survived the hit and fall to the ground.

"Yeah yeah, I got my shit rocked but I'm fine." Richie snatched the glasses back and place them onto his face with a stubborn huff.

"Language! And you certainly got their attention now." Mr. Poleski glanced toward Tyler and Eddie who were walking laps around the gym and eyeing Richie who seemed to be recovering from the embarrassing incident.

"Great..." Richie sighed and rubbed the side of his face that was starting to turn red and flushed from the hit. "Can I just go the nurse?" He mumbled, looking back up to his teacher.

"You haven't done anything all class besides warm ups and glare at those two kids. You have to-"

"Amazing talk, Mr. Poleski. I'm making my way to the nurse now! I'll be back before class is over." Richie yelled out then rolled his eyes but instantly regret doing so when his head started to pound. He walked away from the middle of the gym where the teacher stood then pushed past the large double doors to the hallways and made his way toward the nurses office.

Richie made his way to the nurse's office and walked in. He explained the situation and she gave him over the counter pain medication as well as an ice pack in case he were to start swelling. Fortunately, the ball didn't hit him hard enough to leave any evidence.

While sitting on one of the small beds, an ice pack to his face, he pondered. Then it hit him. Why is he wasting time sitting in here when he could be smoking in the bathroom! A good cigarette before AP Biology would really ease his nerves. He's been stressed out so much lately. He even found a gray hair in his head that morning. A gray hair already! (It could've been his cat's but let he boy worry over something.)

He shot up from the bed, keeping the ice pack to his temple. "Thanks Nurse Molly, but I'm headed back now. I've got important stuff to continue!"

He ignored her call to stay and rest a little longer. But Richie was Richie and did whatever his mind told him to. With that, he was off.

Along the way back to the gym, Richie thought to himself. _Oh shit! I don't have any fags on me, but I'm positive Bev does. Beverly has geometry right now. She hates geometry. She'll join me, easy_. So he took a detour around the school to the math hallway. He was impulsive with ADHD, what did you expect?

Now, Richie stood outside of Beverly's geometry classroom. He could be seen past the rectangular window at the side of the door. To get some attention, he started to make weird faces and thrash himself around and make weird movements. He started to become an obvious distraction for some students peripheral vision. He smiled to himself when he started to catch a few students eyes. He noticed one a goth girl roll her eyes and tap Beverly's shoulder. The girl pointed towards the window so Beverly could see Richie. Richie waved at her then made a motion to represent smoking. Beverly understand quickly. She grabbed a small red, floral purse from her backpack then raised her hand. Richie couldn't hear her, but watched as she asked her teacher to leave the room. Beverly was out in seconds.

"Nice ice pack, Richie." Beverly laughed quietly, elbowing his arm. "What happened?"

"Well you see- I really wanted to make out with one of the basketballs in gym, but I didn't expect them to like it so rough."

Beverly rolled her eyes and wore a bright smile. "You're something else, Tozier. Bathroom or sneak out back to the bleachers?"

"I think the bathrooms a safer bet for right now."

She nodded and they made their way to the nearest bathroom. Beverly went inside the boy's restroom and Richie followed. The last stall of the boy's bathroom always had an 'out of order' sign. This worked in their favor because they could just take that sign and put it on the outside of the bathroom's door.

They both sat themselves under the window with their backs pressed to the wall. Beverly had lit a cigarette for the both of them.

"Didn't I just buy you a pack of Marlboros last week?" She smiled after a drag.

Richie grinned at the ground after blowing out some smoke. "Yeah..." His voice was soft, unlike his character. Beverly took a mental note of this.

"And...? You sucked those all down? I didn't take you for a chain smoker already." She giggled, bringing her camel back to her lips.

"No. I only had like three of those babies." Richie brought the cancer stick back to his mouth and took a long, deep inhale before exhaling it all slowly. "Uh, Eddie got rid of them." He placed the now room temperature ice pack to the floor and used his free hand to ruffle his hair a bit. A slight blush rose from his neck.

"What's been going on between you two?"

"W-what do you mean?" Richie glanced from the floor to Beverly, nervous.

"You guys haven't been yourselves lately. Not all over each other and beyond annoying." Her smile slowly fell. "We're not all together like we used to be. I kinda miss it."

"You're telling me..." He signed, staring down at the cigarette. "It doesn't help that Mike and Ben are busy with football either. Stan finally has friends his own age. Eddie is basically gone these days." _Eddie_ , he thought. Is it my fault I let him slip through my hands?

Please take care of yourself. Please take care of yourself. Please take care of yourself. It ran through his mind, haunting him. He felt an ache in chest then bit down onto his lip. He missed that short, firecracker of a boy so much. _He wrote 'Eds'. He called himself Eds. He's supposed to hate it_.

"Hellooo, earth to Richie!" Beverly waved her hand in his face. "You're spacing out on me."

Richie shook his head and closed his eyes momentarily. "Yeah sorry, Bev." He looked back at the half smoked stick in his hand before dropped it to the floor and crushing it under the heel of his shoe. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Life has never been this- this weird for me."

"Because Eddie's attached to a hip that isn't yours?"

"Y-yeah..."

"I'm confused too, Rich, but you're a smart kid and you'll figure it out." Beverly said softly with a small smile. She sat up and ruffled Richie's hair a bit. "I gotta get back to class. I'm always here for you Trashmouth."

"Tell your aunt I'm getting lonely and would love to show her a good time!" He called out as Beverly slipped out the bathroom. He could hear faint her giggle and mumble something along the lines of, 'in your dreams!'.

"Too bad I'm dreaming of someone else." Richie whispered to himself, slowly standing from the wall.

He brought the ice pack back to the nurse before returning to the gym for the last five minutes of class.

Everyone was already in the locker rooms to change out, so Richie took his time on the walk back.

"Did you take your bike to school today?" Tyler asked, slipping his gym shirt off of his head.

"Yep!" Eddie said, popping the 'p'. "Did you mom drop yours off here?"

"Yep!" Tyler copied Eddie. Eddie laughed and quickly slipped off his gym shorts to put on his jeans.

"So Ty, on the way back to my house-"

The locker room door swung open and the smell of cigarettes swept over the room. Some complaints were heard from the other side of the lockers and Eddie knew who it was right away.

"I didn't know he smoked." Tyler mumbled, his nose crinkled up in disgust from the strong scent.

"I didn't know either." Eddie said when Richie came into his vision. Disappointment was written all over the boy's features. His freckled nose was scrunched. His arms crossed over his chest. His soft lips pressed into a tight line. "I'm gonna change out of my shirt in the bathroom." _To hide the band-aid and recovering rash,_ he finished in his head.

Richie's locker was right next to Eddie's. So when Eddie slipped past Richie without a word, Richie had to pretend he wasn't hurt by that gesture.

Richie sat down onto the bench and glanced up to Tyler. "He's cute when he's mad, isn't he?"

Tyler didn't know what to say. He just kind of froze there. His last conversation with Richie didn't go so well, and he didn't expect to have another one with him.

"Actually, no, don't answer that." Richie leaned down and picked up his backpack to throw it around his arm and over his shoulder. "Just take care of the kid for me." Richie sighed and got up from the bench. "Clearly I can't do that... for him or myself." Richie whispered the last part to himself as he left the locker room.

Although recently overwhelmed with the feeling of defeat, Richie knew he couldn't give up so easily. 

 

Within hours Tyler and Eddie had finished another day of school and were on their bikes headed towards the Kaspbrak house.

"Didn't you mention something earlier in the locker room about on the way back to your house...?" Tyler trailed off, uncertain of whether his own memory was playing tricks on him or not.

"Oh yeah!" Eddie's face lit up in a small smile. He peddled a little harder to keep up with Tyler. "I was thinking-" Eddie's mind stopped for a second.

Tyler glanced over to his friend and raised a brow. He slowed his bike and did a half circle around Eddie, watching him. "And?"

"I-" Eddie shook his head and pressed his lips together. "I don't know. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's not a good idea."

"Are you going to tell me or continue to stall?" Tyler laughed a little, but was also egging to know what Eddie was trying to say.

"So the Losers' Club... we have this treehouse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been writing a lot of this story but completely forgot to update on here, my apologies! hope ur enjoying these dumb teen boys though!!


	9. The Traitor

September ended quickly. Too quick for the residents of Derry to realize the leaves hugging the trees had changed from a smooth green into crisp yellows, oranges, and reds. The gentle break of the leaves' stems snap off and flow swiftly to the ground of the formally haunted town. Piles would be made throughout the month and into the next for fun along side of being raked and burned for a chores pay. Although the rain had slowed down, the breeze grew even more bitter from the northern winds. The Losers all lived for autumn. It was this time of year that was their favorite, after summer. Together they'd throw themselves into piles of leaves, hold bonfires and roast marshmallows or hotdogs, have horror movie binges, but most importantly spend the best day of fall together: Halloween! However, things might be different this year. Their worlds, too, have been changing too quickly – just like the seasons.

September ended quickly. They were all settling into autumn, the people of Derry. Their autumn theme decorations had been placed out in their front yards or along their porch. The insides of homes displayed in festivities. Autumn was beautiful up north. Everyone (most) adored it.

Eddie, especially, adored it. He could whip out all over his favorite pull overs, sweaters, fuzzy socks, and beanies. It was the time of year where he didn't mind listening to his mother push him on about layering clothes. He loved layers and being bundled up against the cold. However, Eddie was mostly excited about three days within the coming month of October: homecoming, his birthday, and Halloween.

His little mind couldn't hold every busy thought that centered around the month of October. His thoughts kept racing and jumping from subject to subject. He felt like Richie, full of hyper active activity. _Richie_. Eddie crinkled his nose and shook his head.

"You okay there, Ed?" The gentle voice of his friend cooed. A small hand placed upon his layered shoulder.

"Yeah." Eddie lied. He turned his head and smiled over to Tyler who was stopped on his bike next to him. "Just got a lot on my mind is all."

"I understand." Tyler sighed softly. "Anyways, you're supposed to be leading the way. You've been talking about this treehouse for a couple days now." Tyler ended with a small laugh.

"Right right... lets get going." Eddie pushed his foot from the ground and began peddling down the roads of Derry towards Stan's house.

The winds blew past him, and his friend, as they biked down the winding roads. The trees of many colors now ran past them in their peripheral vision like a meshed painting. The sky above and behind the impressionistic trees was a baby blue with wisps of yellow to orange clouds, reflected through the lowering sun. It was a serene afternoon.

It was also Friday after school. Eddie had mentioned the Losers' Club treehouse to Tyler several afternoons ago. Now, Eddie had no intentions of actually allowing Tyler inside. He just wanted to show it to him. It was a special place to him. A very special place. Eddie had found a home there with his best friends, had his first sleepover with everyone there, had his first beer there (which he hated), and had his first kiss there (which he loved a little too much). But was it too special to show off to his new friend? Maybe, or maybe not. Considering Eddie had biked to the significant area with Tyler at his side, it must've not been too special to have a secret.

"Wow, this place is pretty nice." Tyler gaped up at the large house in the towering, colliding trees. "You guys built this thing?" Tyler didn't take his eyes off the treehouse as he dropped his bike to the forested floor. The sound of broke branches and crunching leaves could be heard from the bikes fall and Tyler's curious feet.

Eddie bit down onto his lip. He remained standing at the side of his bike; his knuckles nearly white as he gripped tightly onto his bike handles.

"Mhm." Eddie hummed out, nodding slowly. "All of us helped, but Stan and Mike's parents did majority of it."

"Stan and Mike are my favorite of your friends, no wonder they took such a big part of this." Tyler joked lightly. "This is awesome!" Tyler ran his fingers along the ladder that hung from an enormous branch. "This is only the outside too... I wonder what it's like actually up there and inside." Tyler was dropping obvious hints that he wanted to continue to explore. Eddie wanted to ease his curiosity. He wanted to shared with his friend.

"Do you wanna-" Eddie's words got caught in his throat. He knew it was wrong. He knew this was meant for the Losers. He knew there were rules.

◦

_"Okay, okay!" Mike spoke up loudly to bring the rest of the Losers' voices to a stop. "We have some things to establish." Mike smiled widely, motion towards Bill._

_"Y-yes!" Bill sat up from the floor where all the Losers were. "T-this is our home. Only ours! There will be rules: don't stay or go to the treehouse alone, no f-fighting within the treehouse, no stealing from the treehouse, no d-des-destruction of the treehouse, and no one allowed here outside the Losers' Club." Bill spoke confidently and ended his statement with a firm nod._

_"We can add more if we have to, but those seem most important now." Mike looked around at everyone._

_There was a unison of agreements and nods._

_"F-Furthermore–"_

_Richie interrupted Bill by standing up and clasping his hands together, loudly._

_"Beep beep, Richie!" Stan had said before Richie could even start._

_"Let him talk." Ben elbowed Stan's side._

_"Yeah, Stan the Man, let me talk!"_

_"Just go on already, Rich!" Eddie rolled his eyes, but wore a grin up at the boy nonetheless._

_"This is a place for losers, and only losers. Just like Bill said." Richie was serious. Serious isn't something Richie is often, so everyone kept quiet and listened to every word that came from him. "I want this place to be like no other. We can find safety here. We all- we all need that escape sometimes... We're all broken, and we know it." Richie breathed out a broken laugh. His voice was beginning to get choked up. His hands were shaking a little, and it wasn't from his ADHD. Richie was vulnerable. Soon Richie's eyes met Eddie's. Eddie gave him a small smile, an encouragement to continue on, and it was all Richie needed to feel at peace. "This will be a place where we're comfortable. A place for us to be ourselves. A place of happiness, hope, and honesty. A place we can call home."_

_There was a moment of silence. A tear down Beverly's cheek. A warm smile of Stan's face. An ache of heartfelt emotions in Ben's chest._

_Eddie stood up so fast and threw his arms around Richie to hug him tightly. Eddie didn't have to say anything because Richie knew that holding his best friend in his arms was the best promise he could ever hope for and never dream of breaking._

_The rest of the Losers did the same. They all got up, one by one, and wrapped their arms around one another. Then there they stood in the middle of their treehouse, in a fervent group hug._

◦

"Do you wanna check it out?" Eddie swallowed his words. A taste of regret on his tongue.

"Heck yes!" Tyler nodded enthusiastically. His hands already grasping the ladder and climbing up in excitement.

Eddie glanced around to make sure nobody was around before following behind Tyler.

"We have to make this quick." Eddie said in a hushed tone. "I- I have to get home soon because I have a book club meeting with my mom." He lied, cringing at his own words. _Really Eddie?_

The two clambered up inside the treehouse and Tyler took in the sight. He wore a bright smile on his face. He was purely in awe of it.

"I've always wanted a treehouse. Back in Indiana it was always a dream of mine to have one, but my parents were too busy to help make one."

Eddie didn't respond, but he shifted uneasily as he watched Tyler scope the room, walk around, and get a little too personal with the Losers' paraphernalia.

Tyler turned around from the homemade bookshelf, a comic book in hand. "You're awfully quiet, Ed." Tyler mumbled as he moved to sit down on the futon. His legs sat criss-cross, making himself look smaller.

Eddie took a glance out the window from the treehouse when he heard the snap of a branch.

"It's probably just an animal, Eddie, is that why you're nervous?"

Eddie breathed out a shaky breath and ran his hands down his face then through his hair.

"I'm stressing myself out..." He spoke quietly, a little more so to himself rather than to Tyler. He slowly walked over and sat down next to Tyler anyways. "So what comic did you pick up from the shelf." Eddie changed the subject and looked down to Tyler's hands. It was The Dark Night Returns. It was unarguably Richie's favorite comic. _Of course Tyler picks this one_ , he thought with a mental eye roll.

"Easily the best comic made in the 80s." Tyler lifted the comic up to his face with an energetic grin. "I usually collect these, but this is one I never got my hands on!"

Eddie tried to smile, but it failed.

"What's wrong Eddie?"

There was another snap from outside and another sound like something had fallen.

"I'm just super... paranoid?" Eddie questioned himself.

Tyler noticed and frowned a little. "Hey, is this about Homecoming? I mean I don't have a date either, but–"

"What? No! It's- there's a lot going on in my head and–"

"You two are like the most on and off couple I've ever witnessed." Tyler laughed slightly. "I just don't think you guys will work out if you continue to ignore then pine each other like this."

"Ty, what are you talking about?" Eddie knew exactly what Tyler was talking about. A blush had crept up his neck and to his cheeks, making him pink.

"Richie–"

A thump came from the hatch in the floor before swinging open.

Eddie jumped up from futon, an even deeper blush rose on his face. _Oh shit, oh shit!_

A mop of black unruly curls came out from the hatch, followed by an angry expression. Brows knit together in incensed. Dark eyes narrowed like daggers at the boy on the futon then towards the flushed (cute) boy next to the bookshelf. His feet came stomping in.

"Traitor." Richie's voice was low, but not quite a growl.

"Richie..." Eddie was at a loss for words and he knew, he knew, something bad would come out of this. _Karma. This is horrible karma_.

"So where do I start, Eddie? Your little friend with my name in his mouth? Or the fact that you broke a rule?" Richie was mad, but he of all people knew how to control his temper. Richie had witness it himself, someone lose themselves due to the heat of the moment, he swore to himself he wouldn't allow himself to do that too.

"Broke a rule?" Tyler was confused. He was stuck in the situation and had no idea what was happening or in the wrong.

"You." Richie directed his attention towards Tyler, pointing a finger at him. "You're the rule that's being broken. You shouldn't be here!"

"Hey!" Eddie reached out to push Richie's arm down from pointing at Tyler. "Don't go pointing at him. He didn't know. It's not his fault." Eddie's voice was weak, he knew he was in the fault.

"He didn't know, but you did!" Richie's voice grew.

"Well– well and what are you doing here by yourself?!" Now Eddie was getting heated back. Eddie was looking for a fault in Richie so he wasn't all to blame. Not the best choice, but an option.

The two had barely interacted with each other since the start of the school year. Yet when they are together it's always tense, uneasy, and nothing is direct. They had been on and off, and now Richie shows up out of no where to yell at Eddie. Eddie had to yell back, even if he was wrong. Their situation is all wrong. It should have never been Richie against Eddie. It should have been Richie and Eddie. But no.

Richie's face went beat red at Eddie's question.

You weren't supposed to be at the treehouse alone.

"I–" Richie thought quickly, "I saw your bikes outside!" Richie then looked back over to Tyler for a distraction from Eddie. Richie luckily found an easy one. Richie marched over and snatched the comic from his lap. "This," he pointed to the comic, "This is property of the Losers' Club. You're not one of us. Get out." Richie's words were venom. He was well aware that the situation was mediocre, but if Richie was anything he was loyal to his friends.

"Richie, don't be such a dick!" Eddie huffed, pulling Tyler towards him by the arm.

"You too." Eddie stopped in his tracks.

"What?" Eddie turned back, looking Richie in the eyes.

"This place is property of the Losers' Club. You're not welcome here anymore. Get out." Richie felt something inside him snap. It echoed through his body as a whole and he wanted to take his words back, but he couldn't. "I'm the most loyal person to this group, to this place. You- you've been back and forth. You're choosing some random new kid's over friends who would've died for you!" Richie's voice was getting softer, as much as he hated it. He felt his eyes glaze over from the built up frustration. He wouldn't allow a single tear to spill. No.

"Richie, you can't... no..." Eddie's eyes filled with tears and Tyler gently grabbed his arm. A soft 'let's go' could be heard from Tyler's lips.

"I can. I'll tell the others. Now just- just leave!" But that's not what made Eddie walk out of the treehouse with Tyler at his side.

Eddie fell silent and the tears swarmed his eyes. He took Tyler's hand and pulled him towards the small match in the floorboards of their–the Losers' Clubs–treehouse. Tyler didn't say a word, but held a slight glare in his eyes that aimed toward Richie's.

"You and your fag friend." Richie spat out his final words which he would instantly regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're all so problematic and dramatic


	10. Detach

He never should've went to the treehouse. Friday was the best day for him to just go to his house. His mother would be out, earlier than usual, to meet up with her friends and stay at the local bar until dawn approached. His father worked farther out of town on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday's; he wouldn't be home until the late evening. It was the right time to be himself in the walls of the place he grew up in that wasn't just behind his bedroom, locked door. He could take his time and not tiptoe. He wouldn't have to fear stepping too hard onto the wooden floorboards of his house because making a noise in there was never safe. He was always too damn _loud_. It was a curse, but an escape from the thoughts he was left with when he was too quiet. Being at his house Friday afternoon meant he could've showered in the comfort of a familiar environment. It meant he could've change his clothes. It meant he could've use his own toothbrush, and not just borrow one from Stan. It meant he could've grabbed his favorite book, _Catcher In The Rye_ , and taken that back to the treehouse to bundle up with and read. However, he felt compelled to go to the treehouse early Friday afternoon. He only met betrayal, and regret.

He never should've went to the treehouse. Richie regret going, but why did he regret it? He couldn't be mad at Eddie for breaking a rule because Richie's been breaking the rules too. Richie's been staying at the treehouse alone and the Losers were supposed to do their best to never be alone. No it a town like Derry... Richie was no hypocrite, but he wasn't too ignorant either. He wasn't mad that Eddie broke a rule. He was mad that Tyler was the one he committed the act with. Right? Or maybe it was the fact that Tyler was in Richie's spot on the futon. Perhaps because Tyler was holding Richie's favorite comic. Feasibly it was the fact that Eddie gave his hoodie to Tyler instead of to him. Actually, how about this, Richie was even more mad at himself for what he called Tyler because he knows deep down that he too is—

"God, I'm so fucking stupid." Richie mumbled and kicked his locker door shut. _Why am I like this? Why am I so upset? He- he did this. It's not my fault_. He wasn't too good at convincing himself.

A hand placed on his shoulder caused him to tense up and snap his head back. His glasses slipping down his nose in the process.

"What did the locker do to you?" Stan laughed and slid his hand off of the thin boy's shoulder.

"Nothing... it's- nothing."

"Hey, have you seen Eddie today? Mary said Tyler wasn't in first period and I need Tyler to help me finish this English project. Eddie would know-"

Richie huffed and adjudged the one strap he had slung over his right shoulder. His left hand pushed his glances back up his nose. "Why the hell would I know?" He didn't mean to sound snappy.

"Sorry for asking, damn, Tozier." Stan scoffed at Richie's attitude and stepped away from his obviously grumpy friend. "By the way, the gym is being redone, so all gym classes are moved to the teacher's health rooms." He murmured, starting to walk away towards his second period.

"Remind me I have to talk to you guys at lunch!" Richie called out as a last minute thought came back to mind.

"Will it explain the huge stick up your ass?" Stan remarked, turning his head back.

Richie smiled a little. "Yeah, but it'll explain more of how well I did your mom last night! Talk about a stick up-!"

"Mr. Tozier! Get to class before the bell rings and watch your profanity before you take another trip to detention."

The rest of the day went slow. His course work was too easy, so he managed to get his assignments done before anyone else. Classes were boring, he slept through half of them.

Lunch was even slower. He wasn't in the mood to pile as much food as possible onto his lunch tray. He wasn't in the mood to maintain chatty and outrageous conversations with his friends. He wasn't in the mood to even be there. And Richie _loved_ school, or at least the social aspect of it. But Richie just wasn't feeling it. He wasn't really feeling anything. Only guilt filled his stomach. Maybe that's why he couldn't eat. Guilt was filling him up and eating him inside out. He knew there was a reason too. He was guilty because he was the reason Eddie and Tyler weren't at school.

Even through the anger, he wouldn't mind seeing Eddie walk the halls with his stupid fanny pack at his hip, his stupid polo shirts, and his stupid big brown eyes. Despite the detach from Eddie, he could at least still look at him if he was there. But Eddie wasn't there. Neither was Tyler.

 _Tyler_ , he thought.

He perked up slightly and glanced around the table of Losers. He made eye contact with the curly haired Jew.

"Oh yeah, didn't you have something to share with us, Richie?" Stan smiled, it was a sarcastic smile, and he tilted his head.

Richie told them the story of Friday afternoon and the treehouse encounter. What the Losers don't know is that Richie may or may not have left a few parts out. _You and your fag friend_. His own words haunted him.

"So let me get this straight... you were already going to the treehouse on your own?" Mike raised a brow as he eyed Richie, a spoon in his hand as he pushed it around in the cup of apple sauce on his tray.

Richie could feel the heat of a blush rise up his neck and to his face. "Well yeah- I mean- there were bikes outside the treehouse and one of them I didn't recognize so I-" The words were getting caught in his throat. He was rambling. He was unsure and nervous. His friends were too smart. They'd catch on because they always do.

"No, but you had to have gone to the treehouse to even see bikes there." Ben chimed in, glancing at Mike and Bev before looking back at Richie.

"Ben's got a point, Rich. Why did you go by yourself if you know we have rules?" Beverly stared into Richie which only made him more uncomfortable.

Richie's nerves were full running now. The blood in his veins picked up pace. His leg was bouncing endlessly under the table and it was restless. His fingers tapping against the surface of the table, as if he needed a cigarette to calm his nerves, and maybe he did. His ADHD controlled a lot of himself.

"So you're all just gonna gang up on me right now?" Richie swallowed his anxiousness, but not his defiance. "You're all mad at _me?_ Really? You wouldn't know about Eddie's little rendezvous with Tyler if it weren't for me!" He was standing from his seat now, face red in anger.

"Y-you're not explaining y-yourself enough, Richie! Y-you broke a rule, and s-so did he."

"I kicked him out of the Losers' Club." _Fuck_ , the words of regret were coming back. The word vomit. He couldn't stop now.

"You what?!" Stan looked around at the shocked faces of everyone around the table. "You can't do that Richie! We talk everything out, together."

"It's un-unfair..." Ben said softly.

"Is that why Eddie's not here?" Stan frowned, clearly disappointed in his best friend. "What did you even do on Friday? What's the other side of the story, Richie?"

"So now I'm out too?" Richie snatched his backpack from under the table and threw it over his shoulder. "I was trying to help!"

"That's not what we're saying at all, Rich!" Mike huffed out a breath and crossed his arms.

"That's not helping anything, Richie." Beverly spoke smoothly, standing from the table as well to stop Richie. She grabbed his elbow to bring him back down to sit but he only shrugged her off.

"Well–" It was the word vomit, again. It was coming and he was going to say something he wouldn't mean. He was going to regret his mindless words. "Well fuck you guys! Emily has cooler friends anyways. They're not childish and, bullshit treehouse and– fuck you guys!"

Richie stormed off from the table and towards Emily's.

Beverly slowly sat back down to have Ben wrap his arm around her waist and hug her.

"He's being so dramatic!" Stan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over the table to rest his head.

"H-he'll come back around... he's probably j-just going th-through a lot." Bill sympathized with the situation. He knew that friendships were hard and had fallouts. Friendships are a two way street, and it takes both sides to make it work. Besides, in the end, they always meet. Even through the drama and annoying, nasty teenage waves of hormones, the Losers' had faith in each other that they'd always come back around. They had to. For each other.

Shocked, Emily looks up to the see the raven haired boy sit down beside her at the lunch table.

"Oh! Hey, Richie." She smiled awkwardly and glanced to her friends who were confused by the sudden appearance.

"Hi."

"What brings you over here?" She pushes her lunch box away and rests her elbow on the table to rest her head in her hand and watch Richie.

"My friends don't get me." _Bullshit. You're not working with them. You're difficult. You're the problem._

"I thought you said they were the only people to ever get you?" Emily raised a brow and stole another glance to her friend.

"What? Does mommy and daddy not give you enough attention at home?" One of Emily's friends said a in a baby voice, faking a pout. "Your friends can't do that either?" _Shes right and, holy shit, it hurts because she's right._

This struck a nerve in Richie. He stared down blank space on the table in front of him. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit down onto his lip.

Emily laughed along with her friend. "Yeah? You got family problems, bud? I mean- you do always come to my house as of late. You not happy at home?" She playfully nudged her elbow into Richie's ribs. "You can tell meee!"

He meekly shoved her off and mumbled, "stop."

"Common, Bucky Beaver! We're just fucking with you." One of the jocks added in and ruffled Richie's hair around a bit. _Bucky Beaver. Bucky Beaver. Bucky Beaver. Your father is a dentist and you're still made fun of for your teeth._

"Before you came we were talking about homecoming." Emily smiled widely as she changed the subject. "Do you have any plans? Eddie have plans?"

Richie pretended to not hear the last part.

"I didn't plan on going."

"Why? Mommy out fucking men for money? She too busy to help yo-" _Maybe she is. It sucks that I wouldn't know if she actually is or not, huh?_

"That's enough, Alyssa!" Emily kicked the dirty blonde girl under the table. "Why didn't you plan on going?" She reverted her attention back to the sad boy.

"I only wanted to go with one person, but I highly doubt I can fix anything in time." Richie still hadn't looked up from the table. He felt weak. _Perfect timing, Richie! Fuck your life up now!_

Emily thought it over for a moment before bringing her hand up to rub Richie's back. "Hey," She started with a soft voice, "you can come with me. It'll be fun. There's a party at Joe's afterward too."

The bell rang throughout the school, signifying that lunch was over and they had to return to their next class.

Richie hadn't taken his backpack off when he sat down with Emily, so he just stood up and began to make his way out of the cafeteria. Emily stopped him before he could get lost in the crowd.

"You could've just told me no. I'd be fine wit-"

"Sure. We can go together."

"Cool."

"Cool, I guess."

Richie remembered how Stan reminded him to head to the health room into of the gym. He took the long way to class, not caring if he were a minute or two late. He could always pull the excuse that he went to the gym on accident. Which is highly believable in this circumstance considering his teacher didn't inform them.

Richie got to the classroom which filled up, all except for two seats.

The guilt was there again. It sat heavy in his stomach and he hated it. He hated how it filled his appetite and he hadn't been eating lately. He hated that he couldn't even go to his house for a proper meal because his parents would've forgotten anyways. He hated that he knew all his friends would offer him anything he asked for, but he pushed them away. He hated that he messed everything up.

Richie stared at the empty seat next to him and wished he had Eddie at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _
> 
> not my fav chapter but oh well


	11. Replace the Band-Aid

The pounding of his heart echoed through his chest. It could never amount to the raging migraines he could, and would, receive after crying his eyes out, leaving his eyes puffy and red with a sore throat, choked out from sobs. It rattled his rib cage, the pounding, and resonated emptiness in the loud hollow sound that rang in his ears; he was deaf to the world. His ears reverberated; he could feel it but he was frozen and silent. It was quiet and loud all at the same time. This was all just the buildup. Was he ill or just anxious? Both? He had always been a child prone to illness due to a weak immune system, or so he thought. You'd think by now he'd have been capable of handling nervousness. But no. Being anxious ate him alive as if he were a corpse, covered in bugs and insects to slowly yet surely finish him off. Every fault ever committed muddled his mind and ate at his confidence. He messed up the one thing he had going for him; his friends.

The pounding of his heart echoed through his chest. Sadness. Desolation. Melancholy. Woe. Eddie was consumed; he felt everything. All of his senses were hypersensitive and sent into overdrive. His own thoughts were, again, eating him alive. Despite having Tyler at his side in this moment, he was still lonely. He knew that when he walked through his school doors he would only have Tyler. Tyler wasn't enough. _Tyler wasn't Richie; Tyler wasn't a Loser._

Eddie and Tyler walked their bikes up to the bike rack and secured them into place. Eddie adjusted the straps on his backpack for the fourth time that morning and Tyler noticed. Tyler always noticed the little things.

"I'm sure it's not that bad..." Tyler didn't believe his own words. He wasn't quite aware of the situation still, but he knew something bad happened, or still is happening. Without being close to Richie, he knew that whatever happened between him and Eddie was like nothing their relationship had seen before. Since Friday, Tyler had watched his friend fall apart and become less like himself.

◦

_Tyler sobbed into Eddie's shoulder. Tyler's small, pale hands were latched onto Eddie's hoodie. Tyler's fingers curled tightly into the soft, cotton material. He was clutching the other as if his life depended on it. He was so hurt._

_They were both sat on Eddie's couch in his somewhat messy living room (his mother was always too busy smothering him to clean up after herself)._

_"I-I I'm so-sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to ruin your friendships with them. I'm se-selfish aren't I? For taking y-you away..." Tyler choked on his sobs and hiccuped through his heart aching words._

_Eddie sniffled, his eyes brimmed red from his own tears. "It's not your fault, Ty. I chose you over them. I messed up. Not you." Eddie spoke softly, rubbing his hand up and down his back to soothe him._

_"N-nobody has called me that since In-Indiana and I thought I could leave t-that behind." Tyler shook his head against Eddie's shoulders. His tears soaking the soft shoulder of Eddie's hoodie._

_"You can't leave your sexuality behind, Ty. Derry is an awful place. Unfortunately, Derry is very scary, and brings out the worst." Bring out their fears, Eddie thought. Eddie hated that he was so honest with Tyler. However Tyler was vulnerable and he felt that not telling him the truth was just as bad as lying. "Derry is actually known for being very homophobic, but with me... you'll never have to worry about it. I'll accept you."_

_Tyler nodded slowly and pulled away. His lips still wobbled in a wet pout. "Thank you, Eddie. I just hope one day you'll be out too." Tyler's choked sobs had died down; his words didn't hiccup or stutter. "I know it's scary being out, but it's even scarier to be hidden. I'm always here to accept you too."_

_Eddie pulled the boy back in for another hug._

◦

Eddie didn't respond, but he looked at Tyler with the same sad eyes that Tyler's been looking back into all weekend.

They walked into school, but Eddie sort of lagged behind the smaller boy. His feet struggled to keep up. He didn't really want to move forward, but he had to. They went straight to their first period classes, parting ways until lunch.

The day was a slow one, and Eddie had trouble concentrating on everything. He kept spacing out. He felt so out of place.

It hurt when Ben didn't sit at his table in history class. It hurt even more when Mike showed off his painting to almost everyone in art class but him. However the pinch of salt to his new wound was when Beverly and Bill worked on the Biology project without him when the teacher specifically said they could have groups with up to three people.

He just hoped it hurt them as much as it did to him.

(It did.)

Eddie walked out of the lunch line with his tray in his hands. He didn't even dare glance at the corner table by the windows because he knew the Losers would be looking back at him.

Eddie walked towards the back of the cafeteria by the multiple trash bins. He pressed his back against the wall with a deep sigh and slid down. He stared down at the tray of food he didn't have the appetite for.

"You're kidding me right?"

Eddie looked up and his eyes met with green.

"Get up, Eddie. First of all it's Tuesday and you sit with Mary, Stan, and I anyways. Despite being Tuesday, you can sit with us as long as you need to." Tyler extended his hand out for Eddie to take.

Eddie took his hand and slowly stood up from the wall. He was yet to speak up.

"Common, drama queen, I'm sure Stan will explain some stuff for you."

The two walked through the busy and loud cafeteria. Passing tables and snippets of overheard conversations from losing virginity, volleyball practice, and algebra tests.

Along the way, Eddie felt a pair of eyes piercing into his back.

They both sat down at the table. Eddie mindlessly picked at his food as he listened to Tyler begin a conversation with Stan about their English presentation. Eddie sighed and picked up his slice of pizza only put it back onto the tray. Stan broke his conversation with Tyler for a moment to keep Eddie up to date on the situation with the Losers. It seemed as though Stan was the only mature one (sometimes). After, Eddie returned back to picking at his food.

"He's staring at you. Did you know that?" Mary spoke up. She was always a happy, cheerful girl. Without even looking up at her, he could just hear her smile.

Eddie looked up and he met soft brown eyes and a lightly dimpled smile. Mary was a gentle kind of pretty; a precious girl that everyone would want as their friend. "Who?" Eddie didn't know why he even bothered asking because he knew exactly who she was talking about.

"Oh you know..." she trailed off with her growing grin. "He's got coke bottle glasses that make his eyes real big, dark hair, tall..."

"Oh yeah. Him." Eddie tried to sound unimpressed. Even through the drama with Richie, the sheer thought of the boy watching him made his heart skip a beat before going a mile a minute. To make matters worse, Eddie tested Mary's observation. He turned his head back towards Emily's table and there he was on the corner seat, staring right back at him. However, Richie didn't look away. Instead his eyes spoke in sorrow and he was almost telling Eddie _something_.

With a face blushed red, Eddie turned back around.

"So, homecoming is in two weeks." Mary crossed her arms over the table and leaned in closer to Eddie. "You goin' with him?" She had a cheeky glint that shone in her eyes.

"Richie?!" Eddie's voice was shrill, but he kept it low and between him and her. "N-no... no way. I'll probably just go with you and Tyler."

"I'm actually going with Mike!" Mary nearly shot from her seat. Her grin bright and hands now clasped together against her left cheek. She was glowing in joy and _man_ \- Eddie wished he was too.

"My Mike? Mike Hanlon?" Eddie raised a brow, his mouth slightly agape.

"Oh don't catch flies, silly boy. Yes Mike Hanlon! He's got the best smile in the whole school!"

"Are you guys talking about Homecoming?" Stan finally cut into the conversation. "I'm going with Patricia from my carpentry class." Stan gave a shy smile. "I asked her yesterday after school."

"Looks like all my friends have a date..." Eddie voice quiet and he smiled, but his eyes didn't.

"Oh! Tyler can be your date! But like... a friendly date of course." Mary chimed in, nodding at her own suggestion.

Eddie glanced over to Tyler. Tyler shrugged. Eddie shrugged too. They shared a small smile.

"Cool?"

"Cool."

"I guess it's settled. We all have a date." Stan laughed a little before taking a bite from his sandwich.

"I'll make plans!" Mary said excitedly as she pulled out a notebook planner from her backpack and a purple glitter pen. "We can all get ready at my house, eat dinner, take pictures..."

Eddie started to zone out after that. The feeling from earlier was staring to come back. He could feel the pounding of his heart and the ringing in his ears. The cafeteria seemed louder than before, yet he could drown it out. It was all too loud and all too quiet at the same time. It hurt.

_Who's Richie going to homecoming with?_ He thought, _most likely Emily. They're not really cute together. Actually, nobody is really cute with Richie. Not many people can put up with him besides me. Wait- that means I'd be the only to do that and- no. He'd be happier without me anyways. He's got better people now, right? No! Maybe he really wants me back in his life though? No! He hurt me! He gave me band-aids, and that's all he'll ever give me._

"You okay, Eddie?" Tyler patted Eddie's shoulder.

_Replace the band-aid. Change it. You have to change it now. A new one. Please, please. Replace the band-aid. It hurts._

Eddie blinked a couple times before looking up to Tyler. "Uh sure. I'm gonna use the restroom before heading to gym. I'll meet you back in a few." Eddie's voice was soft, and kind of wobbly. Eddie stood up from the table and before he could walk away, he got a reminder from Stan.

"By the way, gym is closed for the next week. All gym classes are in the teacher's health rooms."

"Thanks, Stanley." Eddie waved him off before leaving the cafeteria.

He dodged through the childish kids who were up and about. He nearly slipped on a slice of half eaten pizza. He also somehow managed to get apple sauce on his shirt. But that's just the high school cafeteria for you.

_It hurts. It itches. It burns. Replace the band-aid. Now now now. Please. Change it. Replace it._

Eddie pushed pasted the cafeteria doors and made his way down the hallway where the health rooms were.

Richie got up and followed him out.

Eddie darted toward the boys restroom as quickly as possible, knowing that teachers where scouting for roaming kids they could write up for their own amusement.

Once inside he went into the farthest stall. He stood there, nervous yet quick fingers unzipping his fanny pack to pull out the mental tin of band-aids (that's right, he upgraded). He pushed his thumb up against the mental lid to pop it open. His other hand slipped out a band-aid. He smiled a little. Just a minute later, he had a fresh band-aid placed over his chest and the old one was flushed down the toilet.

It was an unhealthy and odd coping method he was adopting, but in his mind it worked.

Eddie walked out the stall and to the sink directly across. He pumped soap onto his hands before washing them thoroughly. Always wash your hands even if you're not using the restroom, his mother always told him.

Eddie reached forward to pull out the paper towels from the dispenser and as he looked up into the mirror for the first time he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Richie there.

"Jesus- Fuck!" Eddie yelped, placing a hand over his racing heart. His cheeks burned in embarrassment, but also due to the fact that he was back in the presence of Richie. "Why are you here?"

Richie stepped forward, but that only made Eddie step back. Richie frowned at that. "Look, Eds-"

"Don't call me that."

"Eddie." He corrected himself, "I'm sorry."

"You should apologize to Tyler." Eddie crossed his arms. He chin tilted up and lips pressed in a flat line. Richie found him cute.

Their air was tense, hard, and confused.

"I will, but I want to fix things with you first." Richie stepped forward again, and Eddie took a step back. Eddie's back was pressed into the counter of the sink now. He couldn't really escape without looking like a total asshole. He didn't mind doing that to Richie, in all honesty, just leaving the room.

"Good luck with that." Eddie scoffed quietly and rolled his eyes.

"I'm trying, Eds- Eddie." Richie's eyes danced all over Eddie's face. He really wanted to just cup his cheeks and—

"You're trying huh?" Eddie felt a new fire light inside him. "You- you fucked up! You made the Losers turn on me right after you did! I'm lucky Stan even talks to me!"

"Hold on, little firecracker. I'm apologizing, okay? I was mad and I know I messed up. I realized that." Richie was slowly getting slower to Eddie.

"Don't do this Richie. Don't bullshit me right now! You did this shit at Mary's house too." Eddie's cheeks burned at the thought of their interaction at Mary's.

"Did what?" Richie was standing in front of Eddie. With a haphazard hand, he placed it upon Eddie's hip. "What did I do, Eds?" Richie did that evil thing where he made his voice real soft. He also did that stupid thing where he looked Eddie real deep into his eyes with a wide look of innocence. Eddie remembered it was his fault and he had no reason to act like the victim.

"You and this bullshit act! You're manipulating me, right now!" Eddie felt the band-aid on his chest burning. His skin felt red and hot. He could feel as if the outline was becoming unstick-y and peeling away. His skin felt raw and exposed, despite being under the band-aid. _No no no_.

Richie brought his hand up to Eddie's cheek and held him there to look into his eyes. Brown never looked so pretty. "I'm sorry. I'm going to fix this, okay?" Richie's thumb caressed his cheek and the action was all too tender. He was being too soft.

Even if they were friends, friends don't do this.

"Stop being so-!"

Richie glanced down to Eddie's lips. Eddie's voice caught in his throat. Richie grinned a little. Richie, standing several inches taller than Eddie, dropped his head slightly. "Please, Eddie, I want to."

"Richie!" Eddie squeaked out. His heart racinjg wildly in his chest. "Y-you can't, Richie. I can't just forgive you. It's not that easy. You hurt my friend." Eddie shoved Richie off of him and gripped the straps of his backpack. "You hurt my _best_ friend."

There was the sharp pain in Richie's heart. Those were the words to make him snap. "Really, Eds?" Richie stepped back and bit down onto his lip. "You know what? You- _you_ hurt me." Richie's voice held pain and pointed to himself during his final words.

"You hurt me too."

Eddie left the restroom with the urge to replace the band-aid, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise we'll have good and happy reddie content soon !!


	12. Homecoming

Sweaty palms ran down the wool fabric of the oversized suit. The material thick, and brown. It looked heavy on his shoulders. It even feigned broadness in his shoulders. The suit hadn't been worn in years and could pass as brand new despite being slightly out of date. The clammy hands captured every wave in the material to mat them down; however, they didn't need any assistance, or aid, in looking better. It was the anxious feeling that swelled in his throat that made him constantly crave the best outcome for the night ahead and that started with looking presentable. Looking presentable was something Richie never cared to pay attention to. He wore whatever he grabbed first from his messy bedroom floor, and that made him content. Although on this night, this night he had to show someone what they were missing out on. Maybe the future was irrational. Perhaps irrational brought attention.

Sweaty palms ran down the wool fabric of the oversized suit. Richie's eyes were wide through his glasses. He blanked slowly at himself through Emily's mirror. He had been standing there for ten minutes, waiting for Emily to finish her hair in her bathroom so she would come out and scold him on how he needed to touch up his hair or adjust his tie. He needed some sort of attention because staring at himself was starting to get scary. He was never one to eat at his own appearance, _liar_ , or at least that's what he liked to tell himself. He knew very much of his insecurities. He hid them in the shadows of his jokes, voices, and characters. If he had one talent it was being someone else.

Emily finally emerged from the bathroom with her hair curled and makeup done. She wore a bright smile on her face. That is until her eyes landed on Richie.

"Richard, I thought we agreed you wouldn't wear your glasses tonight?" She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you have any idea how many pictures we'll be taking tonight? Your glasses will cause a glare and it'll ruin everything. Weren't you supposed to ask your dad for contacts? And I could've sworn you said..."

Richie continued to blink at himself in the mirror. Emily's voice started to fade out after a while anyways. Did his eyes always look this big and dorky? At least his teeth were somewhat starting to straighten out, right? Does his hair need more gel? The curls are starting to come in again.

Richie jumped slightly and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of him nose. He glanced down to the small and manicured hand that was placed on his shoulder. French tips. Very 'Emily' of her.

"Are you even listening to me?" Emily's face was dumbfounded. "And-" Her face cringed. Her nose wrinkled up and lips went tight. "Dude, go to my parents room and into their bathroom. My dad's deodorant is by the sink and next to his toothbrush stand thing." Emily pushed him along and pointed out her door to their room.

"My scent is too manly for ya, ol'belle?" Richie did what he did best, and he spoke in a thick western accent.

"Have you ever met a shower before? Jeez, kid." She remarked, now looking at herself in the mirror and twirling her finger through a curl by her face.

Richie managed a smile. This was the kind of banter that he would hold between Eddie and himself. And oh how he wished it was Eddie instead of Emily.

Richie returned just a couple minutes later to Emily's room. He ran into Emily's father, Clarence, who gave him deodorant and a spritz of his favorite cologne. Richie was feeling better already under the musky, deep scent of man.

"Smells good, but does he look up to par?" Emily said with a grin. Her hand making the motions as if she were rubbing a beard in thought. Richie actually laughed at that.

"How about I go ask your mom! She'd know for sure." Richie winked.

"Gross." Emily rolled her eyes and walked up to Richie. She picked up a brush from her bedside table and ran it through his hair to tame it down. "A little better." She glanced over his face a little more before taking his glasses off with a delicate hand. She tucked them into his front coat pocket in the suit. "Now we have a looker!"

"I can't see shit, Emily."

"If only we could tape that mouth..." She joked before grabbing his hand and pulling him out the room. "Picture time!" Her voice sung.

"Fuck my life."

Once at the bottom of the stairs, Emily's mom was already there and snapping photos. The bright flash blurred Richie's vision even more so than it already was. His eyes squinted and face scrunched. By instinct, he brought his hand up to guard his eyes from the flashes.

"Awe, Richard, common and give us a big smile! Will you, sweetheart?"

Emily had her arm around his waist and pinched his lower side to get him to cooperate.

Richie flinched and bumped his hip into her, causing her to stumble slightly. She held onto the banister to hold herself up.

"If I didn't know you two I'd think you were siblings with how you're acting." Clarence laughed as he descended the stairway, making his way around the clumsy and annoyed teens. "Mary isn't even this difficult."

"That's debatable." Laura, Emily's mother, chimed in with a smile. "Mary has her moments."

"Where is Mary?"

"She's next door with her friends. Her date, Mike, and the Tyler boy and that other one, ah what's his name again, Emily?"

"Oh, Eddie!" She smiled brightly. "Yeah, Eddie... such a shame they didn't get ready over here with us. They're awfully cute, especially Eddie. Right, Richie?"

Richie's brows furrowed in confusion as he looked at Emily. "Uh..."

"Yes, Eddie! We hear so much about that boy." Laura smiled down at her camera in hand, erasing the photos of Richie where his eyes were closed or squinted.

"Mom! More pictures and less talking, please!"

Laura mumbled her apologies and returned to taking pictures of the two. They took pictures by the stairway, on their back patio, front porch, and out by the gardens. It felt like an entire year went by for Richie.

"Where did you get the suit, son?" Clarence wrapped an arm around Richie's shoulders, giving him a squeeze. "Looks awfully stiff on you."

"He looks fine, honey, leave him alone!" Laura came by to stand next to her husband.

"It's my dad's." Richie bit down onto his lip.

"Well isn't that lovely, Clarence? A father handing down a fine suit to his son." Laura cooed, "How sweet." She wrapped her arms around her husband with a warm smile.

"Yeah." Was all Richie would mutter out. It wasn't like he was going to admit that he was afraid to ask his mother to go out and buy him a new suit. Afraid that he would have to communicate with a woman he struggled to have a relationship with. Afraid that he would never have the bond that Emily does with her parents. _No_... he continued to lie to himself. He portrayed he was fine, him and his parents. There was no fixing whatever he missed out on now. He knew that getting close with his parents would only mean it would hurt more when they forgot him.

"I wish they could've made it for pictures. I'm sure they'd want to see their handsome son before his dance."

Richie forced a smile onto his face. "They're busy." It wasn't a lie. "I'll be sure to show them pictures though." That was probably a lie.

The sound of Emily getting into her car then slamming her door shut snapped Richie back into the scene.

"Thanks for dinner, pictures, and letting me get ready here." Richie mumbled out rather quickly before getting into Emily's car.

Emily was looking past Richie and out the passenger side window.

"Something on my face?" Without the glasses on Richie couldn't really tell if she was looking at him or not. "I tried to eat in the least sloppiest way possible."

"No, no... just... Mary and Mike look cute together." She said softly and watched as the group of kids walked out of the William's home. Mike had his arm wrapped around Mary's waist. Tyler followed after them. Then finally Eddie. "Super cute." Her eyes trained on a specific boy.

Richie turned his head to look out the window but his vision was far too blurry to make anything out besides Mike's truck parked in the long concrete driveway.

"I hope the punch is spiked." Richie leaned back into his seat with a sigh.

Derry High School is packed when they arrive.

The parking lot is flooded with teens either parking or being dropped off by their parents. There's a long line out the front of the building where teachers and chaperones guard the building making sure every student coming in had a ticket. There's a rule where once you're in, there's not coming back in after leaving. Tickets have a single entry policy apparently. Trying to keep students safe and all that shit.

Mike parked his truck in his usual parking spot. It's closer towards the football field which is useful for him considering he practices there nearly half of the school year.

Mary was sat up front and going on and on about how they better play _Come on Eileen_ and _Girls Just Want to Have Fun_ or else she'll personally attack the DJ. Mike laughed with her.

"Any songs you want to hear?" Tyler looked over to Eddie with a small smile. His voice soft.

" _Africa_ by Toto." Eddie shrugged with a small grin. "It's always been a favorite of mine."

"Good song. I think my favorite is _Heroes_ by the all mighty Bowie." Tyler undid his seatbelt to the sound of the couple up front doing so.

"I like that one too. It's one of Bill's favorites for sure. Where are they anyways? I told Bill we'd meet up with everyone."

Mike perked up to the sound of Bill's name. "They said they'd meet us here by my truck."

"Who?" Mary turned around to face Eddie.

"Ah- the Losers' Club and the new kid's collide." Eddie grinned. "Ben and Beverly, next there's Stan and Patricia ("Oh I love her! She's in my chorus class!"), then Bill and Audra."

"Wait- what about Richi-" Mary was cut off.

And as if on a queue, there was a knock on Mike's truck window. Though it was getting dark outside, they could all make out Beverly's fiery red hair.

"Look who it is!" Mike beamed with a beautiful smile as he opened his door.

Beverly laughed and did a bow, "It is I, everyone's favorite gal!"

The group found themselves in a fit of laughter. It was a beautiful sound that echoed through the large parking lot.

"Everyone have their tickets?" Stan spoke up. He wanted to double check that everyone was prepared. This night was one that he hoped to go smoothly. There was a string of 'yes and yeahs' throughout the group. With that, they made their way towards the school and into the long line.

Soon they all walked inside the crowded gymnasium to the loud sound of _We Built This City_. Excited and wide eyes stole quick glances around the large room. A large banner hung in the front of the gym, in their schools colors, read '1990 Derry's HoCo!'. Throughout the gym were lights hung around, as well as strings and balloons. All of the usual homecoming decorations you'd imagine. There were tables filled with juices, waters, and snacks galore! It was actually decent. For one night, even in the high school's gym of all places, you'd forget that Derry wasn't such a bad place.

Due to everyone just now showing up, it was mainly just awkward teens standing around with their friend groups and chatting amongst themselves.

Mary crossed her arms over her purple dress. "First homecoming and it's already boring."

"We just got here." Tyler giggled and gave her a playful shove. "Just wait until everyone's piled it and it'll be fun. Hopefully."

The tense air of uncomfortable teens soon broke. The blaring song of _I Wanna Dance With Somebody_ came on and Mary's eyes literally lit up. A smile grew upon her lips.

"Oh my God! This is perfect timing and everything!" Mary gasped, "We have to be the ones to start dancing! Now, please!" Mary grabbed Mike's hand and Patricia's hand. "Let's gooo!"

Patricia held onto Stan's hand and dragged him along. "Dear Jesus, please save me." Stan said as he was dragged away with Patricia, Mary, and Mike.

Beverly laughed as she, and the rest, watched the group from afar. They made their way to the middle of the gym and under the large, spinning disco ball. Beverly could see Mary's encouragement for the group to dance. "Awe she's great, isn't she? You hid these cute little buggers from us, Eddie?"

Eddie glanced to Tyler and shrugged with a small smile. "Eh, they're alright." Tyler laughed and grabbed Eddie's hand.

"Let's join them."

Beverly smiled widely and took Ben's hand in her own. "You heard the tiny boy. Let's go!"

And with that, everyone in their group made their way to the middle of the room and danced their heart out. Soon enough, more and more joined in. Teens broke out of their shells and were dancing along side their friends and partners. Mary was more than proud of herself.

Tyler wasn't the best dancer, but Eddie helped him out the best her could. Luckily the song playing was very upbeat and you could act out however you pleased. The two boys wore bright smiles and bounced together to the music.

Eddie bumped into Bill and stopped his bouncing and silly movements for a moment. He had to catch his breath anyways. "Sorry, Bill." Eddie wheezed, still smiling nonetheless.

Bill stopped dancing and returned the smile for Eddie. It was like the world stopped for just a split second. "N-no worries, Eddie. Yo-you look c-cute tonight." _Cute._ Probably not the best choice of words, but it fits Eddie.

Eddie's cheeks warmed with blush. He playfully landed a punch to Bill's shoulder. "You don't look so bad yourself, William."

"No suh-suit?" Bill furthered the conversation, hoping the rise of warmth in his face wasn't noticeable.

"I had a vest over top this button up. My mom made me wear it. I got pictures in it, but took it off afterward because it was kind of ugly. And I felt too hot. Couldn't really breathe." Eddie said through a faint giggle. Bill smiled all throughout Eddie's little ramble.

There was a tug at Eddie's shirt and he looked back to see a cautious looking Stan. "You've got eyes on you from the corner."

Eddie glanced from the left corner and saw nothing. He turned around to look to his right and there he saw Richie, looking right back at him. Well, more like squinting right back at him. _Why isn't this nerd wearing his glasses?_ Eddie thought.

Richie gulped as he made eye contact with Eddie from across the room. His heart hammered in his chest and his palms went clammy. His throat was dry, and- he needed a drink. Yeah.

Richie turned back to Emily and her friends but saw she was in some deep gossip-y conversation with them. Hell, she won't care if he went off anyways. She just wanted a date. So, he walked off to the tables of foods and drinks. Richie had to make sure he was careful because he was still partially blind. When he made it over he quickly gulped down two cups of juice before taking a cupcake, then a couple cookies, and maybe a handful of pretzels but who cares! He couldn't help but hum along to coincidental song of _Jessie's Girl_ either.

"You h-hungry?"

Richie didn't look up from his handful of food. "You flirting with Eddie?" He scoffed.

"What?" Bill laughed a little as he reached for a cup of water.

"Never mind." Richie huffed and rolled his eyes. "It's whatever I guess. Everyone except me, huh?" Richie was more so talking to himself at that point.

"You're al-allowed to c-come join us. You know?" Bill offered, pointing to his group of friends dancing around. They all looked so happy. It pained him knowing they'd still find happiness without him.

Richie _really_ wanted to go over there and join his friends. Join Eddie. But Richie being Richie only made situations more complicated, especially for himself. "No. I have a date and I'll spend my time with her."

"W-we're your friends, Richie."

"So is she, Big Bill." Richie mumbled as he walked back over to Emily and her friends.

"Hey, we're going to the party soon. Only staying here for about an hour." Emily turned back to her obviously drunk friend.

"Did you get your pre-game on, baby boy!" Screamed the obnoxious bleach blonde girl who pinched at his cheeks. He smacked her hands away.

"Bill was right." He muttered and glanced over to the group who happily laughed and danced around to . Mary in particular was having the time on her life.

His eyes kept moving and he saw Eddie dancing hand-in-hand with Tyler. A pang of pain shot through his chest. Jealousy rushed through his veins because damn he wished that were him.

Richie grabbed Emily's hand, a little too hard, and dragged her through the crowd of people. He ignored her complaints of leaving her friends behind and not wanting to get in between sweaty teens. As they elbowed their way through the crowd and closer to the middle, _Time After Time_ began to play.

"You made me your date. Dance with me." Richie demanded and placed his hands on her hips.

Emily complied and rested her hands upon his shoulders. "Lucky you're a tall kid so this works out."

"Yeah yeah." He muttered, not really sure what to do with his body. He tripped over his own feet and kept stepping on Emily's.

"Dance much?" She laughed.

"Only with your mom."

"Real mature." She somehow managed to maintain a decent slow dance with Richie, but her eyes weren't really on him. They were focused behind him.

Subtly, Richie danced in a motion that made them turn around, slowly. He was able to now see what Emily was looking at. It was his group of friends. He looked at all of them. Coupled up and happy. He allowed his eyes to linger on Eddie and Tyler slow dancing together.

Eddie must've said something good because Tyler was giggling as he rested his head on Eddie's shoulder. Eddie wore that stupid, cute smile. This really did it for Richie.

Richie looked back to Emily. And this is where the irrationality settles in.

"So I was thinking-"

Richie cut her off. His jealous impulses acted before his thoughts could even process any of his actions. He gripped her waist tighter and tugged her close. Clumsily, his lips planted onto hers. It was sticky from lip gloss and tasted like cherry. Richie hated cherry. He didn't really move his lips, much less actually _kiss_ the girl. His lips were just sort of slammed there. Although it didn't even last.

Emily squealed and pushed the teen off of her. "Whu- really!?" She whisper- yelled. She turned around from him and (basically) stomped away, returning to her group of friends.

Richie was shocked at himself and her reaction. An embarrassing blush took over his features. He turned around to his friends. They all had their own unique reactions. Secondhand embarrassment, surprise, shock, and disappointment.

Eddie made eye contact with Richie and that's, _that's_ what hurt the most. It was like he could read everything Eddie was broadcasting to him, yet at the same time not know a single thing.

"Look-"

"Y-you should probably get bah-back to her." Bill stepped in, looking Richie directly in the eyes. Good thing he was close enough for Richie to see.

"This isn't your place to step in, Bill."

"I'm your friend! I can s-step in." He challenged.

"Denbrough, can you just hop off my dick!" Richie took another step forward.

"Guys, you're being over dramatic." Ben added in, placing a hand on Bill's chest to push him back.

Bill pushed Ben's hand away. "S-s-stop making s-stupid decisions and expecting everything to work out h-how you want it to."

"Oh fuck you, Stuttering Bill. You don't know shit about my decisions or what I'm doing right and wrong."

"Hey!" Tyler shoved past Eddie and Mike, standing behind Bill. "Just cut it out. You're both being stupid."

"W-well we would know i-if you-"

Again, Richie's brain shouted at him, good thing Bill was close enough for him to see. Because if not, Richie's punch would've been an embarrassing miss and Bill wouldn't have collided into Tyler or met with the floor.

("Holy shit! Bucky Beaver knocked out the Stutter and Gay Boy!") A voice hollered in the crowd. A chain of reactions from laughs to gasps were all heard.

"Holy shit." Richie repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the fuK richard !


	13. Black

It all went kind of black. It started with his vision. He could see his friend on the floor, holding his nose that was then gushing blood. Then he saw the other one, not someone he considered a friend, yet he had been making good friends with his old ( _not old, still_ ) best friend; an acquaintance if he really needed a label. Looking up from the mess he made so quickly, he locked eyes with a boy he wouldn't ever want to hurt. He did. He hurt himself too. That's when his vision went black. He saw nothing but his own mistakes replaying over and over. He saw black. He knew that fucking up would get him nowhere but empty. He felt empty, and if empty were a color it would be black. He felt black. He didn't feel the sting in his knuckles, no. He could, however, feel the silence. It was loud and black. It rang through his ears in a pitch nobody would ever want to hear. Almost like a never ending, roaring white noise. He couldn't get it to leave him alone though. It was almost haunting him. Sight and sound, the two most important senses, just gone. Black.

It all went kind of black. Yet Richie's face went white with fear of his own actions. He honestly didn't remember doing it. It was almost as if it didn't happen. Due to the looks on the faces of everyone around him, it did. It happened. Richie fucked up. Again.

The room fell silent quickly, apart from the music playing out amongst the room. Everyone around them was staring with mouths gaping open. Nobody had words for the sight before them.

Eddie was the first to do something. He leaned down to help his two friends up. Eddie wore a scowl on his face. His nose was scrunched, brows furrowed, and lips tight in a line. He was angry, although that's nothing new. He always managed to handle a lot of rage in his 5'3 body. He always looked real cute when he was angry. That's why Richie really liked to pick on him. This wasn't the right moment for those circumstances though. This was tense.

There was a yank on Richie's arm, pulling him away from the scene before him. _Fuck_ , his mind said. He turned to see the tall and upset man.

"Principle Rooney, I-"

"I'm not going to hear it, Mr. Tozier. I've dealt with you too many times to stand here for an excuse. Let's go. You're done here."

◦

"Great job out there, Richie." Emily huffed as she slammed her car door shut. She didn't dare look over to the boy in the passenger seat. She yanked her seat belt on to buckle it. Her car was switched on with the key, before her hands could have the death grip on her steering wheel. "You're so embarrassing, do you know that?" Then she did dare to look over at him. Her face was straight and somehow that made her look scarier. She was the kind of girl to look scarier when you couldn't read her.

Richie remained silent. He couldn't look her in the face very long because he was already chewing himself out. The guilt of it all was eating fast. He squeezed his eyes shut as if it would all disappear and like it had never happened. For a moment he wished all he saw was black again.

"First- oh my god! First you have the audacity to kiss me! You damn dared yourself to press your lips to mine right in front of all my friends and _him_ -"

"It wasn't a problem at your party!" Richie spoke up, his voice loud. He wasn't sure where all of his anger was coming from, but it was there and he could feel it all. It pulsed through his veins. Warm, and angry.

"It was for a stupid game at my party! I was nearly drunk when it happened too!" Richie didn't realize it, but she unbuckled her seat belt. Emily was facing him fully now. "It happened once!" She threw her hand up, pointer finger standing up in his face. "For a game. I was drunk. I wanted to cause a reaction, okay?!" She was throwing her hands around now. Her words becoming more animated along her voice growing louder. Richie never really saw her angry. She was generally a chipper girl. This confirmed the fact that he did not like seeing her angry. "It meant nothing, Richie. It was nothing."

Richie's face fell. He knew their kiss didn't really mean anything, but part of him wanted at least hers too. He was staring down at his lap again. His fingers lining the edges of his brown suit jacket. His thumbs padded down the wool material. He was just trying to distract himself through the painful, real words of Emily. _It was nothing_.

He played out what she said in his head over a couple times before responding to her.

"Why would you use me for a reaction?" His eyes remained down and to himself. One: because he could barely see Emily if he were to look at her anyways. Two: he didn't want to even try and make out her features knowing he'd be more disappointed (she'd only be mad). "I thought you liked me." He didn't really know what he was saying, but he said it. His mouth always worked faster than his brain did.

Emily laughed. She fucking laughed. It was a dry, cold laugh. One that's sarcastic. It hurt Richie to hear.

"You thought I liked you? Because I kissed you one time during a game at a party? Wow, Richard. I thought you were smarter." She shook her head slowly as her low laughter drew out.

"You dragged me around with you. Sat with me at lunch. Drove me home from school. Let me hang out with your friends..."

She leaned back into her seat. Feeling bad for the kid, she sympathized. Her voice became softer. "I like you as a friend, kind of. You're cool to have around because you're good company, you keep conversation going, and you just talk a lot. You talk a lot about Eddie."

"What's Eddie have to do with anything here?" The name caught Richie's attention. He sat up straighter and looked Emily in the eyes the best he could despite the bad vision.

"The reaction, Richie. He was the reaction we wanted... I thought it was obvious?" Emily had a short, nervous laugh. Her eyes glanced around the car. Richie stared at her with a blank expression and for once he decided to be silent. She continued, "I thought we established that? I call him cute all the time. You talk about him constantly and tell me all about him..." She was trailing off, hoping that the raven haired boy next to her would catch on and continue the conversation.

"You... like Eddie?" Was all he could say.

"I saw him at the party and couldn't stop thinking about him. He's the cutest boy I've ever seen. And how he was so flustered to sit next to me during truth or dare? Wow. I was hoping to kiss him, but realizing he was your best friend I thought I could have a little more fun, ya know? Make him jealous because the hot senior girl was taking his best friend. He'd get jealous and start to try and win me or something...?" She did that nervous small giggle again. One of her brows was slightly raised, waiting on Richie's words to work with hers.

"Emily, what the hell, no!" Richie was getting loud again. He watched her face fall. "That's not how this was supposed to work out at all! You were using me to get to my best friend." Richie spoke the last part to himself. His thoughts slowly adding things together.

"I thought that's what we were doing the whole time! You constantly talk about the kid so I assumed you were just getting me ready to date him or something!" Her face was pure shock now. Everything had been wrong wrong wrong.

"No! I just- fuck- I talk about him because he's my best fucking friend!"

"Okay, well uhm..." Emily's face was red with embarrassment. "I can still try and date him at least. Now you know the idea of things so we can work it out from here and- oh shit, this must be even weirder because you like me!"

Richie's face scrunched in disgust. "What the fuck! No! I don't like you. I just thought you liked me!"

"Oh thank God! This will be much easier now-"

"But you still can't date Eddie." Richie cut Emily off and her face became confused. Her lips formed a small pout and eyes squinted.

It was quiet for a moment.

"Excuse me? Why not?"

"Because he's mine." Richie's voice was quiet this time around. It almost broke. It's almost like he didn't trust the truth of his own words.

"I understand he's your friend, but it's not like I'm going to hurt him or anything." Emily was honest. She didn't want to hurt Eddie, even if she did take his best friend away. She just wanted Eddie to notice her.

"No, I..." He couldn't find the right thing to say. It was on the tip of his tongue, yet somehow lost at the same time.

Emily kept staring at Richie, unknowing of what he was trying to get out. This only made Richie feel pressured to find the right thing to say. It made him struggle more.

"He's just really special." Richie bit down onto his lip after saying it. It wasn't wrong, what he said, but it's not exactly the words he wanted to get out either.

"I know that." Emily watched Richie carefully. "I wouldn't like him if he wasn't."

"Eddie's different too." Richie continued, his mind still searching for the words.

"And..."

"And I don't think that..." Richie's eyes fell shut and so did his mouth. He bit down onto his lip, hard. His eyes squeezed shut, hard. Why was this all so fucking hard?

He's not quite sure what happened, but it all went black again.

It was quiet. It was dark. It was empty. It was black. He wasn't alone though. He felt something. It was light, and it was gentle. It was a presence of someone who was always with him. It was Eddie. It was always Eddie. Even through the dark times, the black times. Whether it be the back of his mind, or preferably at his side, Eddie was always there.

So maybe being in the black wasn't always so bad. Maybe being in the black helped him realize the final detail. Maybe the black was just what he needed to see things right, wrong, but nowhere in between.

Richie felt a hand place over top of his. It was soft and held onto his. His eyes blinked back open and he saw Emily's hand there with his. He grabbed hers back and gave it a soft squeeze.

Richie didn't even realize he was crying.

He looked up at Emily. His hand gripped hers a little harder. "I don't think I'd ever be able to live with Eddie liking someone who isn't me. I like Eddie. I like Eddie more than a best friend. You can't have him because he's mine. He's mine and he'll always be mine. Eds, he's mine. I'm his. It's the best damn thing I'll ever be."

Emily's hand slipped from Richie's grip and found its way to his cheek. She brushed away the thick tears. She watched him with a small smile. "Richie..."

"Yeah?" He sniffled.

"Get the hell out of my car." She drew her hand back, and she slapped him. A loud sound echoed from skin meeting skin in the quick second. Their skin stung and tinted pink.

"What the hell, Emily!" Richie let another tear fall before cupped his own cheek, staring at the girl in disbelief.

"You're going to try and act now, huh? Put a show and lie to my face?!" Emily unlocked her car doors. "Can't believe you right now..."

"I'm not kidding! I- I really like Eddie!"

"You're not a faggot, Richie. Neither is Eddie. Derry would literally murder you if you were, if not then me."

Richie learned to hate that word. He bit his tongue, but he did not hold it. "Fuck you, Emily."

She looked back at him. That straight and neutral face she wore when they first got into the car was there again. Scary. "No, Richard, fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid loser friends. Fuck you and your useless parents. Fuck you and your trashmouth. Fuck everything! Get the hell out of my car or I swear I'll have the whole football on your ass about you being a faggot!"

Richie threw open the passenger side door. He stepped out and flipped the blond girl off. "I'll be glad to suck their dicks too, Emily. Right after Eddie's!" He slammed the car door shut. He could hear Emily scream from inside her car, right before she drove away.

Richie looked up and saw where he was. An empty parking lot outside the grocery store and just a couple miles from the school. It was lonely. It was dark. It was black.

Although it was all black, he found something there. He really liked Eddie. So he was going to go get him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was some shit,, sorry   
> BUT we finally get good and happy reddie content v soon !!


	14. Bloody Knuckles

It was a long walk home. The Derry October night air wasn't forgiving for Richie. It was cold and all he could ask for was more layers. His thin fingers were shaking when he grasped onto the brown wool of his suit jacket; he pulled it in close to him as best as he could. He only had his dress shirt and tie underneath. It wasn't enough, but then again he didn't expect to be thrown out of a car at 10pm. The air whipped his face and stung his cheeks, burning them bitter, dry, and crisp red. One cheek redder than the other for a slap he endured not long ago. The night was dead. The only sound that he heard was the sound that came from his own feet. Quick feet against the pavement, rushing to get home and away from the brisk night air. Most teens were out; either still at the homecoming dance, parties, or just at home. His mind wanted to wonder off and ponder of what his friends could be doing in this moment. Mike and Ben were most definitely invited to a party through their football buddies. Wherever Mike and Ben were, Mary and Bev were too. Stan and Bill, _fucking Bill_ , they're both probably still there. Unless he managed to do some real work to Big Bill and he went home early. Eddie... he could only hope that Eddie doesn't stay the night with Tyler. His eyes remained squinted through the dark until he dumbly remembered that he had kept his glasses tucked in the front pocket of his jacket. He questioned whether it was worth it to remove his hand from its tight hold on the thick material that was somewhat protecting him from the cold. He reasoned with himself that being able to see his way back home was better, however. He quickly removed his hands and dug one into the wide front pocket, retrieving his thick framed glasses. He slid them on. Although he still had shit vision, the street lights were clearer and everything else came into view. He was able to recognize his surroundings much better, too. He arrived home much faster than he expected.

It was a long walk home. However, he made it back faster than he thought he would. It wasn't the treehouse, though. It was his house. The very Tozier residence. The place he was supposed to refer to as home, yet struggled when putting the two terms together. He hadn't been there much this past year. It was his own fault though.

Standing at the end of his driveway, he stared up at the two story house. It was rather nice, actually. It was stable and welcoming from the outside. The inside too, yet Richie couldn't help the broken and empty feeling that consumed him when he walked inside. He couldn't breathe quite right in there. He choked on the uneasiness. He heaved through the disconnect. It wasn't their fault though.

Richie rushed towards the front door and walked right on in. It was unlocked. A bad habit of his mother's, but a part of him believed she did it on purpose for when his father came home late from work. She wanted to make it easier on Wentworth. Wentworth was a hard working man. A tired man. Perhaps that's why he couldn't always find the time for his son. He wanted to be there for Richie; he really did. He tried; it's not his fault though.

Richie quietly shut the door behind him as he walked in. _Don't be loud. Don't be loud. Don't be loud_. He stepped in the dark of his living room, it was quiet. Although it was quiet, he knew his mother would be up. He walked as best as he could in the silence of the emptiness. His foot pressed into the first step of the staircase, eliciting a low creek.

"Wentworth? Are you home?" Maggie's, Richie's mother, voice spoke up. Her words sounded groggy, but not too slurred.

Richie squeezed his eyes shut as the light of the hallway and living room came to life.

"Richie?"

Richie turned around and gave his mother a small smile. "Hi, Ma..."

"Honey, it's late why are you up? Did you just get back?" Maggie was confused. She slowly stepped forward and towards her son. She placed her cold hand upon his red cheek. "What happened here?"

Richie could smell the wine in her breath. She was lonely. She always drank a little too much when his father wasn't around. She used alcohol to fill the empty void.

"Homecoming didn't go as planned I guess..." Richie breathed out a short, dry laugh. He kept his eyes away from his mothers. There was no point in searching in them if he'd find nothing there.

Maggie looked down at her son's attire. She cooed. "That was today, wasn't it?" Her cold thumb rubbed over the apple of Richie's cheek. "You look so handsome, Richie. Went would be so proud to see you dressed in his suit and all." Her voice was soft and broken, but still honest. She was trying her best and it's not her fault.

"I'll be sure you and dad get all the pictures, Ma." Richie's voice became soft too.

"Thank you, Rich." She hugged him, but it didn't feel right. She was only doing this because she was sad, drunk, and lonely. Normally Richie would've ran to his room by now, but part of him really needed to feel his mothers embrace.

 _She's trying her best_. Richie always held that reminder in the back of his mind.

"You gonna tell me what happened?" Maggie pulled back and stared down at her son. Her eyes rimmed in red. They searched for something in Richie. She wasn't going to find what she wanted though. She didn't even know what it was she wanted.

"Got slapped. Honesty sure doesn't have great timing I guess." Richie tried to make light of the moment. His mother didn't laugh and she didn't understand what the boy was trying to get at. "I realize everything at the wrong time, Ma." He concluded.

"What's that mean, hon?" She reached beside her to pick up the wine glass on the nearby table. Richie hadn't noticed her put it there. She took a sip and her chapped lips tinted red again.

 _She probably won't remember. Just tell her_.

"You know, uh, Eds- Eddie?" He bit down on his lip.

"Your best friend? Of course. Haven't seen him in a while, though." She made short, circle motions with her hand. The wine in her glass spun around in a red dance.

Richie cracked a grin and looked back down to the floor. "Yeah. I- I uh... I think I really-"

"Oh no, Richie..." Maggie's voice began to waver.

"What, Ma?" Richie looked up at her. This time his eyes were wide and searching. His lips were parted, unknowing of what his response would be to whatever she had coming.

"You're not gay, are you? Do you know how that will make your father feel, Rich? He works too hard for you to come home and throw that at him- at us! This town," she paused and swallowed hard. "This town can not handle those sort of people."

Richie doesn't know what hit him, but it hit him like a ton of bricks. His eyes began to burn, to sting, as he starred at his mother. She was more concerned about his father than him.

"I'm not gay, Ma." His voice almost cracked, but he held it together. His throat held a hollow feeling like he had just been shot there and all there was, was empty now. His heart hammered in his chest too. It was an angry hum that buzzed through him. He felt like he lied to his mother. However, he didn't lie. Because he's not gay. He likes girls, but he also just really likes Eddie. What's so fucking wrong with that?

Maggie smiled lazily. "Thank you, Richie. There's too much trouble in being gay. You've got yourself enough of that. Now, what were you gonna say about Eddie?" She placed her drink-free hand on his shoulder.

Richie bit down so hard he was afraid his own jaw would lock. His teeth grit together. "Nothing. Just know I'm spending the night with him."

"Okay, Rich. Thank you for letting me know this time. I never know what you're up to these days, and I'd really like to." Maggie knew that Richie knew something was off between them. It was tense and disconnected. They all knew. They were trying. They didn't try well enough, but that was okay. It was nobody's fault.

Richie allowed all the feelings inside of him bubble up. He felt it all growing. It was burning his veins. It made his fists clench. It made his palms sweaty. It made him nervous. In this moment, pure emotion was ready to explode out of him. He was capable of doing so much. He was going to do something. Something irrational for one last time. He couldn't continue to enable the profound emotions to hide away and build. There's only so much someone can take; he was aware of that now.

Richie changed out of his fathers suit and into his regular clothes. He slid on his heavy jacket and glanced at himself through the mirror that was leaning against his bedroom wall. He remembered sitting on Eddie's front porch when Eddie walked back home from the pharmacy wearing his jacket. He remembered how damn cute Eddie looked in it too. He smiled a little, but it quickly faded. Everything can go wrong and so fast. All he could do is hope that it doesn't tonight though. With that thought, Richie grabbed his new pack of cigarettes and made his way out his house.

Richie took the long way to Eddie's house. It was a mistake. He chain smoked three cigarettes. It started to rain. And, he was left alone with his thoughts and overflowing emotions.

 _"You're not gay, are you?"_ Something about that question continued to echo in his head. It screamed in his ears despite her voice being quiet and scared when she asked. She was scared. Scared of her own son liking boys and how it would affect her husband. It was as if Richie didn't even matter, but he knew he mattered to her. She just couldn't properly express it. She never could, and most likely never will.

"Just wanted someone to fucking care." Richie's voice was a broken whisper in the cold, midnight air. He stopped in his tracks. He tugged his jacket closer to him, a hand tightly wrapped around his pack of cigs inside his coat pocket. He restrained himself from having another. "Great, now I'm talking to myself." He muttered. He still hadn't moved. He only stared down at his beat up black converse. _Just wanted someone to fucking care_. He thought of his friends who were doing just fine without him. He thought of Emily who used him. He thought of his parents who were selfish. He thought of Eddie and- he thought of the note Eddie left for him inside the empty pack of Marlboros. He thought of how Eddie signed his own name was fucking "Eds". He thought of how Eddie wore his jacket that entire day. He thought of how he left Eddie the night he asked to stay over. He thought of how Eddie let him hold his damn hand in the movie theater. He thought of how he got high at a party and left Eddie when he promised he'd always be there for him. He thought of holding Eddie in his arms on that August Thursday night in their treehouse. He thought of how badly Eddie must care for him.

"—Fuck!" Richie's hands were clenched to a fist, achingly. His eyes were squeezed shut, tightly. His breathe was held, deeply. His heart was pounding, heavily. He broke. He broke because he fucked up the one thing he had consistently going in his life. His vision becomes a blur and at first he supposed the rain got into his eyes, but it wasn't the rain. It was too warm, too salty to be the rain. It was tears. "I fucked up, and I'm so sorry." His sob choked. He fell to the ground on his knees. He punched the pavement below him. Over and over and over. He didn't see black this time, though. He saw red red red. The rain could've washed it away, but he kept going.

The punches were being blown right into the road. Over and over. Fist meeting pavement. Over and over. Blood mixing with dirt. Over and over. Knuckles scraping the pavement. Skin becoming broken and ripped away. Blood pouring from his pale and boney digits. They were fast at first. It was all anger. He was allowed to be angry because being angry meant he could be sad and strong at the same time. But the anger died down as he began to feel fatigue. His arms grew tired and his knuckles were abused. They were weak now. Slow and frail. He was truly beating himself up.

"Pathetic." He slowly stood up and stared down at his damaged fists. He didn't feel it at first. In the moment he only felt red and angry. He was fast and strong. But now, now it ached. The rain became heavier and slammed against the raw, open skin. It stung. He winced. "Fucking- Shit!" He tried to clench his fist back so he could tuck them into the safety of his jacket pockets. It hurt too much. He still managed to pull out another cigarette and light it though.

◦

There was a quick tap against Eddie's bedroom window. Eddie had two thoughts: someone is planning on breaking in and murdering him and his family, or it was Richie. Richie was the only one to pull bedroom window stunts like this and especially late at night. Oddly enough, Eddie reasoned with the first option because why the hell would Richie have the audacity to come now.

Eddie slowly slipped out of his bed and crept down to the floor. It took him a minute to gain the courage to peep up and out his window.

"So he does have the audacity to show up."

Eddie groaned quietly and rolled his eyes. He stayed below the window. He only raised his hand and gave Richie his middle finger. The tapping continued, then became something more.

_Thunk! Thunk!_

"This bastard is throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night!" Part of Eddie was annoyed, but another part of him felt his heart flutter. Eddie slowly sat up from the floor. His fingers danced along the edges of his windowsill until he felt the locks. He flicked his thumbs and slowly slid up his window. "Richie, I swear to God–"

"Eddie, I'm so sorry." The voice was nearly gone. Quiet, begging. It was absolutely defeated.

Eddie opened his eyes and he felt every piece of his heart shatter. He was looking down at his best friend. Deep brown eyes were brimmed red, and slightly puffy. His cheeks were flush from tears and the bitter cold. He had a cheek redder than the other, too. His clothes were soaking wet. His hair damp and sticking to his face. Then Eddie's eyes met Richie's hands. His hands were abused, bloody, dirty, and just awful.

"Rich..."

"Eds–" Richie bit down onto his lip and shut his eyes once more. "Eddie, I'm so sorry. Please."

Eddie didn't know what Richie was asking for. Richie's wrecked voice told him something else somehow. Eddie raised his window and motioned for Richie to climb up. Richie struggled, but he managed.

Not much was said over the next ten minutes. Eddie let him inside and forced Richie change into better clothes. While Richie changed, Eddie hurried off to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen to retrieve a first aid kit and all the supplies he felt necessary. Eddie came back and sat besides Richie on his bed. It should've been awkward, but it wasn't.

Eddie hesitated at first, glancing from Richie's pained eyes to his destroyed hands. Richie nodded slowly, encouraging Eddie to do what he could. Eddie reached out and held Richie's hands. The familiar skin was warm to touch. Comforting, even.

Eddie takes the bloodied and abused hand into the palm of his own. He's holding the large, pale hand, delicately. It's almost as if he's scared that he might hold it wrong and cause more damage. Eddie looks up to Richie who is already looking back at him. Eddie's cheeks burn and he looks back down. He doesn't begin cleaning the cuts right away though. He instead dips his thumbs into the pools of Richie's palms. The smaller boys digits rub circles into the rough, cold skin. It's soothing for Richie. Richie, at first, didn't know why Eddie was being so gentle with him, but as his muscles began to relax he knew Eddie was working into his hands so he wouldn't be so tense. It worked. Eddie's kind hands were providing warmth and care, although he hadn't even touched the medical kit yet.

"Thank you."

"I haven't even done anything." Eddie smiled but kept it hidden as his face was tilted down at Richie's hands.

"You've already done more than I could ask for."

Eddie didn't know what to do with Richie in this situation. It was all so unexpected and unfeigned. He should be confused and mad. He figured he'd save it for another day because Richie needed assistance and not a lecture.

The touches we slow and soft. Burning and tingly. Comforting and like a place called home.

Eddie eventually did get into the medical supplies. He worked Richie's hands in silence. Richie did his best not to wince when Eddie dabbed the cleansing wipe over his raw skin. Eddie cleaned away the dried blood that the rain hadn't quite gotten rid of. Eddie applied creams and ointments to the cuts. Eddie wrapped Richie's right hand in a gauze-like bandage because that hand had seen a worse day than the other. Richie's left hand became littered in band-aids. There was something about the band-aids Eddie was far more careful with.

"Did your parents hit you?" Eddie spoke up. His thumbs pressed down onto the edges of the band-aids. He glanced up to see a confused Richie. "Your cheek. You were hit."

"No. My parents aren't perfect, but they don't hit me." Richie chuckled quietly. "It was Emily, actually."

Eddie felt something light up inside him. "Bitch. Did you hit her back?"

"I can't hit a girl, Eddie."

"She hit you. Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she can hit you and you can't hit her." Eddie stared down at Richie's hands. He wondered what had happened that made them get so hurt in the first place. "I would've." He whispered.

Richie cracked a smile and laughed again, quietly. "You're something else, Eds– Eddie." Richie corrected himself.

Eddie looked up to Richie and he frowned a little. "I- I don't hate it when you call me Eds." Eddie's big down eyes were hit by the moonlight that casted down through the window. They sparkled and Richie found it to be so fucking gay, but Eddie was so damn pretty. Eddie didn't shy away this time, he kept staring up at Richie.

Richie didn't smile. His insides were electrified and his whole being lit to life. He had Eddie right next to him and Eddie wasn't mad at him. Eddie was just staring at him and utterly captivated. Eddie was still holding his hands, too. "You don't?"

Eddie slowly shook his head. His lips parted as he was going to speak but he closed it again. Eddie's warm eyes glanced all over. He saw the emptiness of Richie's eyes. The hollows in his cheeks. The tear stained eyes. The chapped lips. He saw it all. "Part of me always liked it." He whispered. Feeling brave and knowing it was just Eddie&Richie, he said, "always liked you."

It was a short and simple sentence. All pure and honest. It was too good to be true. Richie felt as if all his systems were shutting down and he couldn't quite handle what was actually happening. All he felt was the smile on his lips, and the fucking tear that escaped his eye. "I've always liked you too, Eds."

Unknowing with what to do, they sat there. Hand in hand. Staring at each other like they were the fucking world. It was just them. Them them them. There they are just drinking each other in.

Richie looked like shit and smelt like cigarettes, and Eddie still managed to confuse him with being the most damaged and beautiful boy he'd ever seen.

Richie shifts so he's facing Eddie better. Eddie feels the space between his hands go empty and cold. They're bare now. He feels something else now. A warm feeling coming from his hip. It's Richie's hand and it's gripped real firm. Richie tugged the smaller boy a little closer. Eddie gasped. He looked up from the empty hand to Richie's magnified eyes.

Richie is just _quiet_ and drinking him in. Richie's fingers press into his hip. Fingers ghosting under Eddie's shirt and brushing the soft skin. Eddie shivers. Richie stopped though. He stopped and allowed his eyes to wonder over the prettiest boy he'd ever seen and probably ever will see. Eyes, freckles, nose, lips, all of it. Eddie Eddie Eddie. _Eds_.

Here they were. Ignoring all the faults they've created between each other. Pushing past all the stupid teenage drama. Stepping around every track that made from tip toeing around one another. Here they were wanting each other and nothing more. The want is all that's occupied in the air. _Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me!_

Richie's got one hand grasped on Eddie's hip and the other cupping his cheek now. Eddie leaned in just as Richie did. The medical kit slipped and fell off the bed with a small _thud_ but they're too wrapped up in each other to care. Eddie's lips part and his eyes become hooded. Richie dips down and he's yearning to have more of Eddie. Richie presses his lips to Eddie's cheek, dangerously close to his lips. Eddie turned his head slightly and pressed his lips to Richie's bandaged hand that cupped his face. They're soft. Soft, gentle, careful and all for each other. They watch each other like they're the only two in the whole damn world. It's just them.

They're both slow and nervous, but they cover it up with the fact that they _want_ this. Gives them to excuse to take their time and be as gentle as hell.

They're so close. So damn close. They're breathing each other in. Eddie can practically taste the nicotine on his own tongue. Richie is sure Eddie had been snacking on candy, or something, because all his senses were consuming was something so sweet. They both felt dizzy in each other and nothing hadn't even been quite shared yet. There's such a small gap between them. All they have to do is go the tiniest bit closer and–

"Are you gonna kiss me or what, trashmouth?" Eddie's breath fanned over Richie's lips. Richie's mouth curled up into a little small. He didn't respond. He did something much better, and long awaited.

With eyes closed, Richie surged forward and parted his lips. They brushed past Eddie's. Just ghosting over one another's, yet lighting a flame inside their stomachs. It's slow. It's so _slow_ and so _soft_. It's so _good_. They're so unaware of what the hell this is actually happening right now, but it is and it feels like a dream. The best dream they could ever ask for.

Hearts are skipping beats. Abdomens are aching like they normally do whenever they shared gentle touches or lingering looks, but more more _more_. It's feeling lightheaded and a good kind of dizzy. It's having a staggered and weary breath because you're so breathless with the reality of it all.

The first one is just a brush of the lips. Short and chaste. They pull back, but still touching. They meet again and linger there just a little longer. They've both had their share of kisses, but Richie had slightly more experience (still not saying much) and he takes the lead. He presses closed to Eddie. His hand pulling the boy's body flush against his, holding him close. Eddie wrapped his arms loosely around Richie's neck. They're _kissing_. It's clumsy and new. It's nervous, but kind. It's a kiss.

Richie guides Eddie's body so that they're laying down. They're wrapped up in each other and they're just connected. They're together. They're content.

Richie rubbed gentle circles into the small of Eddie's back. Eddie's hands played with the curls at the nape of Richie's neck. Once they're somewhat comfortable with the act of kissing, Richie really gets things going. His kisses become faster and shorter. Eddie wants to take his time and be slow, but then again it is Richie. Eddie finds out that Richie kisses like he talks. Fast without much cohesion.

When Eddie makes a small, high breathless sound this encourages Richie to kiss him _more_ and _deeper_. Richie tilted his head and Eddie did the same. It gets a little messy. Tongues try to play in. Swipe over ones bottom lip and past another. Tongues meet and more soft sounds are heard. The room becomes hot and passionate. But they just two teenage boys. They're in the heat of the moment of their first real kiss. They're basking in it.

Eventually, Eddie pulls away because his lungs are on fire and he's truly breathless. Richie replaces his lips back to Eddie's just a second after. Eddie giggles against his lips and pushes him back by his shoulders.

"Can't breathe, asshole." Eddie wheezed slightly, but manages to catch his breath. Richie rested his forehead against Eddie's. He was yet to open his eyes and look back at Eddie. He was scared that if he did he would wake up and it would have all been a dream. He was lucky it wasn't a dream, so he looked down at Eddie.

Richie thought that Eddie was beautiful before, but after kissing him... Eddie was the best thing he could ever lay eyes on. Richie would buy him every star in the sky if they weren't already in his eyes. He would just about do anything to experience a kiss like that again and again for as long as he lives.

Richie's body remains over top of Eddie's, and he's supporting himself by keeping his arms on either side of Eddie. Richie smiled down at him. "Not how I imagined today to go at all, but I'm more than happy with how it turned out."

"Don't get me wrong, we're still talking about your stunt at homecoming." Eddie grinned up at him. He leaned up and quickly pressed a kiss to Richie's lips, just a peck though. "We'll talk about it later."

And so that's what it was. They found a promise between the capture of each other's lips. They met again and again. They held onto one another like it'd be the only time they'd get the chance to. They're wrapped up. Legs against legs. Arms against arms. Bodies flush. Warm and welcoming to touch. Lips meeting lips then teeth and tongue. Clumsy to comfortable. It was the best damn feeling. They spent the whole night sharing kisses. Kisses until they were breathless, tired, and it was sleeps turn to captivate them.

No matter what the morning would bring them, maybe a kiss goodnight and your best friend to hold was all you needed to mean _I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked it!! this is my fav at least


	15. Halfway Honesty

They woke up the same way they fell asleep. Two boys engulfed in one another. Their legs entwined and arms secure around each another. Sleeping side by side was common in their relationship, but this was far more intimate as they fell asleep knowing there was more between them then they ever could've imagined. It was late Sunday morning now and the sun woke Richie as it peered in through Eddie's wide window. Richie didn't even feel the smile on his lips until his cheeks began to burn. Richie felt like an idiot for the amount of happiness that fulfilled him, but at the same time he couldn't care. Eddie was right there and held tight in his arms. His head was on Richie's bare shoulder and Richie ignored the fact that there was a small pool of drool. He ignored it because it was just Eddie. _Eddie Eddie Eddie_. Eddie's hair sprawled out in wisps of curls. His skin still holding onto the tan that the summer's sun gave him. Eddie's freckles were beginning to fade as fall settled in and winter was soon to come. Eddie's dark lashes thick and prettier than any girl's Richie had ever seen. Richie stared down at him as if he won the world. Maybe he did. He just had to make sure he doesn't lose it. Richie then pulled Eddie on top of him and winced at the pain in his hand, holding onto Eddie's hip. Pushing past the memories of bad part of the night behind, he placed a chaste kiss to Eddie's lips.

They woke up the same way they fell asleep. However, it wasn't as soft and sweet like the idea of it all was. Dreams always hold an underlying sense of reality; there's more beneath the surface. Together they'd wake up and hold onto the moment of togetherness before pulling apart and bringing up the past to uncover where they went wrong. Forgiveness doesn't come easy, no. It's not as simple as a kiss or cleaning up bloody knuckles. Forgiveness takes time, conversation, and honesty. Although, this is Eddie and Richie. So when it comes to these two boys, nothing is simple even if it's the easiest thing to come by. They were going to hold onto this good moment and wait out the bad part, the honest part.

"Why are you kissing me when you have morning breath." Eddie's voice was still tired. He hadn't been doing much talking due to the fact that Richie couldn't even keep his lips off of his. Part of Eddie didn't mind it at all, though.

Richie grinned and held Eddie's waist, keeping him pressed against himself. "I thought it would be a fun way to wake you up." Richie leaned up and peppered several kisses onto Eddie's face; Eddie giggled. Richie was living for this moment. It was small, and maybe not too memorable, but it's the happiest he's felt in a long time.

"Cute, but it's still gross." Eddie tried to pry out of Richie's grip. He was able to pull himself away because Richie's hands were still beat up and hurt, so he couldn't hold on very long. Besides, it's hard to find strength in something so damaged.

"You only got away because my hands are bruised to shit." Richie grinned, pressing a big, wet kiss to Eddie's cheek.

"Dude, gross! What the hell, Richie." Eddie blushed nonetheless and wiped the slobber from his cheek. "You're like a damn dog." Eddie tried to sound angry but ended up laughing a little.

"You're telling me! You got your drool on my shoulder." Richie laughed while Eddie seemed distracted.

Eddie looked down at Richie's bandaged hands and bit onto the inside of his cheek. He wanted to ask Richie why he had come over at 1 am with hands beat to shit. Actually, he honestly had a lot of questions for Richie. Why did Richie punch Bill. Why did Emily smack Richie? Was Richie crying before he came here? Was Richie sorry for the past two months? Maybe it was himself who should apologize; he wasn't sure.

Richie noticed the brunette staring down at his hands. He clenched his fists slightly, but the sensation burned and he grimaced at the feeling.

Eddie slapped his arm. "Stop, dumbass. You'll split your knuckles back open if you do that."

"Sorry, sorry..." Richie chuckled and sat up on his elbows. Eddie slipped off of him and sat down next to the boy. "Just wanted to see if- ah I don't know... Gotta make sure I can still finger your mom later tonight."

Eddie slapped him again. Richie laughed.

"Common, Eds! Jealous that I have more than one Kaspbrak?" Richie laughed louder and slipped his hands up Eddie's large sleep shirt.

Eddie's face flushed a deep red for two reasons: Richie was being so intimate with him and the fact that Richie could raise his hand a little too high and brush his fingers over a band-aid planted upon his chest. Despite the want to, Eddie couldn't slap or push Richie's hands away. Richie would know Eddie's hiding something and the obvious fact that Richie's hands were damaged as all hell and don't need to be harmed any further.

"Richie!" Eddie squealed out a high giggle and gently, as best he could, shoved Richie's hands down and out of his shirt. "Your hands are freezing cold!" Which wasn't a lie.

"But you're warm and soft! It'll balance out, Eds." Richie tried to go under Eddie's shirt again, but Eddie's didn't allow it.

"No! And stop calling me, Eds!"

"We all know you don't mind it, Spaghetti Man! You said so yourself at 1:14 AM this morning."

Eddie's cheeks went red and turned over in the twin sized bed so he was facing the wall. "Oh hush. Go brush your teeth or something, trashmouth."

Richie, being Richie, wrapped his arms tightly around Eddie's waist and pressed himself into the boys back. "One more kiss, Eds. It'll ease up Richie Jr." Richie pushed his hips into Eddie.

"Fucking hell, Richie! You've got a boner! Are you fucking serious right now?!" Eddie nearly shrieked and moved away from the other male. Eddie was pushed against his wall, scowling at the other boy. 

"I'm a teenage boy that joke woke up! And next to a super cute boy, mind you. Can you blame me?" Richie laughed loudly, throwing his head back against the pillows.

"Whatever, Trashmouth. Go brush your teeth already." Eddie shoved his red face into his pillow.

"It's only fair that you do the same considering your breath isn't minty fresh at 10 AM either..." Richie slid out of the bed.

Eddie groaned dramatically and rolled over onto his stomach. "I hate you."

"Let's go my good fello!" Richie said in an obnoxious British accent, motioning for Eddie to get up as well.

In this moment, Eddie stared up at Richie and wondered why the hell he even let this boy into his room and kiss him.

◦

"So do you think our kids will have freckles too?"

Richie choked on his juice. He leaned forward and coughed for what felt like a minute straight. He was sure some of it came out of his nose as well when he felt a stinging sensation in his nostrils and something wet dripping from his nose. He turned his head and wiped his face against his shoulder. After clearing his throat, he spoke. "What the fuck was that, Eddie?" He managed out, setting the cup of apple juice aside him on the roof.

Eddie leaned back against the wall of his house. His fingers brushing over the roof tiles as he stared at Richie's dumb, pretty face. "Well you have freckles and I have freckles so our kids will have them too, right? Isn't that like super cute."

Richie's face went red and he looked away from Eddie. He wasn't sure where to look, so his eyes glanced all around in uncertainty. "Uh-uhm, yeah totally! It's all genetic crap that I'm sure we went over in my AP Bio class." _Was Eddie talking about having kids with me? Is that even possible? What- No!? Of course not!_ Richie was thinking too much about it. It was just a silly question.

"I hope I have a daughter one day. I want to name her something sweet like- like Delilah." Eddie didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but he was talking out of his ass and that's for sure. Even if they weren't going to talk about the real stuff like the truth of whatever's going on between them, he might as well talk about his dreams he supposed.

"Delilah Kaspbrak?"

"I guess that'd be her name, yeah." Eddie's cheeks tinted pink but Richie acted as if he didn't notice it.

_What else would her last name be? Tozier? Delilah Tozier? How about Delilah Kaspbrak-Tozier?_

"I really like that actually." Richie found himself grinning out at nothing. His eyes staring aimlessly out at the town of Derry. "It's really pretty, Eds." Richie wasn't going to admit that Delilah Kaspbrak-Tozier sounded better though. He would keep that part to himself.

"You like any names, Rich?"

"Haven't really put much thought into any of that stuff." Richie shrugged. "Delilah does sound nice though..." Richie glanced over to Eddie and fuck did he look like his eyes could light up an entire town. "Maybe I'll name my next Street Fighter winning record Delilah."

"Anddd he's back." Eddie laughed and leaned his head against his house. Eddie still looked over at Richie even if Richie wasn't looking back at him. He admired Richie like this. Richie in the soft glow of the fall afternoon.

"You're lucky your mom is busy on Sundays because if she knew you were out here on the roof, you'd be dead." Richie pulled his knees to his chest and crossed his ankles. He stole another glance at Eddie and his heart stopped for a second. _He really looks at me like that_.

"Want to know what would make her even madder?"

Richie turned and faced Eddie this time, careful not to slip off the roof. "Adventurous and mischievous Eddie? I'm listening." Richie cocked an eyebrow and his lips turned up into a grin.

"We can make out on the roof." Eddie's eyes lit up and his smile was wide. "My neighbors might see and get real pissed off."

Okay, so Richie thought his heart paused earlier, but it definitely stopped working just now. He couldn't even find the words to reply. They just got caught in his throat and- did Eddie really say that?

Richie's reaction must've been good because Eddie surged forward and cupped Richie's face, pulling him in close to capture his lips in his own.

Richie's eyes fluttered to a close and he wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him into his lap. Eddie's legs wrapped around Richie's waist and they sat like that for what felt like forever. Wrapped close together with their lips never leaving each other's. It was a comfortable addiction and Richie would take this over cigarettes any day.

Eddie's lips were wet and molding into Richie's. Richies lips were chapped in the cold air, but Eddie helped with that. Brushing lips with lips in a playful, teasing way. Eddie smiled into their gentle kiss, laughing softly against Richie's lips. Richie smiled widely and his crooked teeth were on display; Eddie knew he was beautiful despite gaining the nickname Bucky Beaver at school. Eddie connected their lips again and kissed him a little harder and he held him a little tighter.

Richie pulled back for a moment and mumbled, "Can't believe I didn't kiss you sooner."

Eddie blushed, "you wanted to?"

"Always, Eds."

"We can make up for the lost time." Eddie pressed forward and they kissed.

They kissed and kissed until it was getting dark out again. The sun was falling from the sky and Eddie's lungs were tired from the lack of air. Richie hadn't craved a single cigarette and he truly thought Eddie to be a miracle.

When Eddie shivered and snuggled himself closer into Richie's embrace, Richie asked him if he wanted to go back inside.

"Common, Eds, we've been out here all afternoon. You'll get sick if you're here any longer."

"I know." Eddie pouted and rested his head onto Richie's shoulder. Richie pulled his large jacket around Eddie as best as he could to provide the smaller boy more warmth. "Are you going to go back home tonight?" Eddie asked quietly, looking up at him.

Richie leaned his head onto Eddie's and he looked out at the dim light of the sun as he thought. "I don't want to leave you just yet. Maybe we could go somewhere tonight."

Eddie raised his brow and laughed a small bit. "Where? My mom will be home any minute now." He pressed a kiss to Richie's shoulder and Richie smiled at that.

"I've got somewhere in mind, but it would be a surprise."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure if I trust you and surprises."

"It'll be fun. I promise." Richie carefully lifted Eddie out of his lap and down beside him. "Let's get inside. Have a snack. Then get ready to leave."

"I still have to deal with my mom, Rich." Eddie mumbled as he moved toward the window to lift it open.

"Lie to her. You do it all time. Just tell her you're going to hang out with Ben or something."

Eddie slipped in through his window and automatically moved to his bed to get under the covers and inside warmth. He sighed loudly. "Finneee. I guess I'll go and escape into the night with you."

Richie slipped in through the window but fell onto his face.

Eddie burst into a fit of laughter, shoving his face inside the pillow beneath him. "Haha! Holy shit you're a real dumbass, Rich!"

Richie got back up and closed the window behind him. His face was red in embarrassment, but he laughed a little too. "Yeah whatever, Eds. Anything to make you laugh is fine with me." Richie walked over and sat down next to Eddie on the bed. "You have to get up." Richie chuckled and brushed his fingers against Eddie's cheek. Eddie smiled and dug himself further into the blankets.

"I know, but we can warm up right here for just a little while longer."

Richie couldn't deny that he wanted to cuddle with Eddie. He got into the bed and under the covers with the brunette boy. He wrapped his arms around him and the other did the same. They shared a short kiss.

"Hey Richie..." Eddie spoke up, his big eyes searching all over Richie's face. "Can you be honest with me for just a second."

Richie swallowed but nodded slowly. "Of course."

"Why did you come here with your hands beat to shit? Was it because of what happened with Emily?" Eddie's voice was small and almost afraid. Afraid not of Richie, but maybe of what Richie might tell him due to the uncertainty. Eddie's fingers mindlessly grasped Richie's shirt and clutched the material.

"I told Emily I liked you. She uh, she had a crush on you too, Eds." Richie's laugh was uneasy. "I don't blame her of course because you're undoubtedly the cutest boy in our school..."

Eddie blushed and shushed the compliment away. "She had a crush on _me_?"

"Yeah. She thought I liked her, but it makes sense because I gave her mixed signals and was a mess." Richie ran a hand through his hair. "She didn't believe that you and I could like boys in a town like Derry. She just hit me. It was unexpected and... yeah." Richie stared up at Eddie's bedroom ceiling. One arm tucked around Eddie and the other caught in his own curls. "That's not why I got mad though. I didn't punch the ground because of her."

"You punched the ground?!" Eddie turned so his body was facing Richie completely. "What the hell, Rich!" Concerned and shocked, he stared at Richie in disbelief. "That's—"

"Then I went home and talked to my mom. I didn't even have to say much. I mentioned your name and it must've been something about my face because she asked me if i was gay. She asked me and I knew that it pained her to even have to ask." Richie looked down and over to Eddie. "Eddie, I don't ever want to have to disappoint anyone. Especially not my parents. I told her I wasn't gay and she was fucking _relieved_. It hurt a whole lot because she was- she was so much more comfortable with me being straight and she was so concerned about what my dad would think and–" Richie sighed then bit down onto his lip.

"But you kissed me..." Eddie's voice was quiet and he felt a little lost. If Richie's not gay, then why would he kiss him?

"I did and I love it. I could kiss you forever, Eds."

"But you're not gay?"

"Well I'm like half gay, I guess? Girls are cool, but so are guys."

"You're bisexual, Richie."

"Yeah! I'm bisexual. That's the word." Richie smiled as he nodded and bit down onto his lip. "Still not as easy as being straight."

"You're telling me." Eddie sighed and closed his eyes for a second. "I thought I was only one and then I met Tyler. Tyler's gay and I didn't feel so alone."

Richie didn't like Tyler being mentioned, but what did it matter since he had Eddie right here and all to himself. "I got angry when I left home." He continued. "I was mad at my mom for not accepting something that I'm not even sure about. Weird right?" He laughed a little. "That really got me to, but I was mostly mad at myself. Mad because I screwed everything up and I really wanted you, Eddie. Always have. I just kept messing things up and then Tyler and Emily... it all just got to me."

"Then you punched the ground?"

Richie nodded slowly with a low chuckle. "Yeah, Eds, and then I punched the ground." He pressed his lips to Eddie's temple. "Now you wouldn't keep anything from me, right?"

Eddie glanced to the bed then back to Richie. _Band-Aids aren't that much of a lie or a secret. It's not like he'll find out. It wouldn't matter_. "Never." He lied. Was it a lie? Maybe somewhere caught between halfway a lie and nothing more.

"Cool. Anyways, we've got a date to go on." Richie grinned widely.

"So its a date?" Eddie sat up, grinning at Richie.

"To me, hell yes. It's a date." Richie reached his hand out to Eddie. "If you'd be so kind to join me."

"I can't deny a boy who'd punch the ground for me." Eddie said in a southern accent, fluttering his eyes with a soft smile. He held back the laugh that wanted to break out of his own joke.

"M'lady, let's take on the world. You and I against the world." Richie grinned, copying the others accent. This made Eddie's smile grow.

"It's not too far is it? We've got school tomorrow, Rich." Eddie smile faded as he broke the character and looked into Richie's eyes.

"Well I have to borrow Mike's truck—"

"Richie you can't drive! Are you insane?"

"A little bit, but you've gotta trust me on this." Richie nodded and cupped Eddie's cheek in the palm of his hand. "Please, Eds. I- I punched the ground for you."

Eddie rolled his eyes and turned his cheek to pressed a kiss into the palm of Richie's hand. "I trust you, Trashmouth. But if we get into any trouble, I'm saying you kidnapped me."

"Fine by me, babe." Richie smiled and placed a kiss onto Eddie's nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there are any errors,, im tired and will edit more sometime idk when  
> thanks for reading btw ! it makes my heart so very happy !!


	16. Sunday Drive-In Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cute stuff n a first date !

It didn't feel foreign, but it wasn't familiar either. The smooth leather of the steering wheel was kind to Richie's callused and bruised palms. Although his right hand was still heavily bandaged up, he managed to wrap it around the wheel and hold it firmly. The stretch burned at first, but he did his best not to mind it. This was _their_ night; nothing like a little pain would get in his way. Through squinted eyes, he could see the faint blur of a red light come into his vision. He lifted his right foot from right pedal in the floor and shifted it over to the left pedal, easing into it. Mike's truck came to a slow stop, and it was a little early, but they'd both blame it on the lack of driving experience. It was new, and he'd only ever driven in parking lots with his dad. That only happened a handful of times, too. Their late night date and adventure was extremely dangerous, yes, yet their nativity and sense of _living in the moment_ didn't seem to care about the consequences. He looked over to the other boy and smiled faintly. _This_ though, liking Eddie, wasn't foreign and was very familiar.

It didn't feel foreign, but it wasn't familiar either. The two had went from attached to the hip, to separated and afraid, to reconnecting. The presence of one another was far from foreign because it could often be mistaken for home. Familiar? Somewhat. It was mostly faint from the distance they had put between each other. Maybe patching up where they left off wasn't going to be easy, but it was worth a shot; they had to start somewhere if they were going to get what they wanted, and they wanted to be together. Deep down they both hoped it would be—just as everyone said—hard, but worth it in the end.

Eddie couldn't help the stolen and nervous glances he made toward Richie. He was paranoid that they'd die or get caught and end up in jail. His mother would surely ground him—kill him even!— if she were to find out what he's up to. However, at the same time, he sort of wanted his mother to know. He wanted her to be aware of the fact that he was running off to go on a date with Richie. He wanted it to eat her alive that her son was with a boy and happier than ever. Maybe this wasn't the right time to fall for someone, at such a young age, because things were scarier and far more dangerous, as a kid. And— holy shit! He didn't think any of this through! What would the Losers think of this? Stan was already onto him, but did Stan ever imagine either of them to step up to the plate and actually swing?

"You look like you're sweating bullets over there, Eds." Richie made small and quick glances over towards him. He tried to stifle a laugh, but he had the deep rooting feeling of nervousness as well. Anxiety was something Richie always handled internally; throwing Eddie into the situation wasn't his best plan. He wished he had thought this out more. But then where would the fun be in that?

"I'm just scared, and thinking too much," Eddie mumbled honestly. He played with his hands in his lap to distract himself but it wasn't working out that well. He chewed on his lip for a second before glancing back to Richie. He watched his face then his eyes wandered over to the abused hands on the steering wheel. He liked Richie's hands. They were big and his fingers were long and thin. It was like grasping comfort and safety when he could touch them, hold them. He wanted their palms to be together, always. He sucked in a breath, "I want to hold you hand." He sounded like a child. _Really, Eddie? You're like a lost boy scared to lose his mother in the grocery store_.

"As much as I would love to hold your hand, Eddie Baby," Eddie's heart pounded a couple times at the nickname, "I'm afraid that I need both to drive."

Eddie nodded sheepishly, despite Richie not being able to see it, and breathed out a hushed, "okay."

"I would kiss you right now if I could," Richie smiled with his eyes still trained on the road, "but your safety comes first."

Eddie's whole body was flushed with warmth at Richie's stupid and honey sweet words.

Eddie remained silent for a while and allowed Richie to drive in solitude. It was probably the best way for him to drive, anyways. Richie, of all people, needed the concentration.

Mike's truck's radio hummed out the low tune of _Everybody Wants to Rule the World_ while Eddie rested his head against the window. He closed his eyes for a second not realizing that he'd fall into a nap. Richie looked over to Eddie as a smile began to rest gently on his lips; he was going to keep Eddie safe, and that was a promise.

◦

"What kind of pop do you want?" Richie and Eddie stood in line at the small box of a concession stand. Richie was studying the menus that hung on sides of the blue, wooden shack. There was a chalkboard stand at the side with a list of snacks and their prices as well. Richie tighten his grip around Eddie's waist and pulled the smaller boy in a little tighter, "Eds?"

Eddie's face was flushed in a light blush. He smiled a little and his attention was taken away from everything happening around them, "what was it you asked?" The atmosphere was busy; people were bustling around everywhere: families, couples, and friends. It was getting louder as well as more and more people were pulling into the drive-in. It made Eddie nervous. He was in public with Richie and they were _so close_. What would people think of them? What would they do? What would they say?

"Flavor of pop? Unless you want to get a slushie because I'm kind of in the mood for one of those..." Richie began to ramble on about the plenty options they had before them. All Eddie could do was stare up at the taller boy. Richie seemed so comfortable, so brave. He had driven a car for the first time and drove a notable distance at that. He was willing to risk his life over a silly and last minute date. He would hold him close in front of all these people. He would look at him like he was the world for everyone to take note of. He did it for _him_ , but why? Eddie admired the spontaneity of Richie; he laced their fingers together and held his hand.

"We can share a blue raspberry slushie, Rich." Eddie have Richie a grin. Richie's cheeks burned as the simple gesture and gave Eddie's hand a small squeeze.

Richie started to lean down so he could give Eddie a kiss, but Eddie turned his cheek and tugged him closer towards the stand. Richie coughed awkwardly, "I- uh."

"We're up next." Was all that Eddie said. His eyes remained trained on the middle aged woman working through the window of the concessions shack.

He felt bad for turning away Richie's kiss, but a part of him wasn't ready to kiss Richie in public. Sure a couple hours ago he said he would kiss Richie on his rooftop for all of Derry to see, but in reality he was terrified.

Deep down Richie knew, too. He was scared, but he wanted to be brave for Eddie. His mothers words echoed in his head, ' _There's too much trouble in being gay_ ', and ' _This town cannot handle those sort of people_ '. He, too, understood the fear of public affection. So maybe they had to be a little more subtle about things. Richie allowed his hand to slip from Eddie's grip and unhooked his arm from around him.

Confusion and hurt overcame Eddie's features, but they softened because he knew why. He watched Richie's face with lips parted and eyes sad. He looked down to the ground and held back tears; he tried to ignore the pain in his chest that ached for a new band-aid.

"Good evening," Richie smiled to the bored, blonde woman in the booth, "can we get a medium bag of popcorn, a blue raspberry slushee, and a box of M&M's!" Richie was already digging through his jean pockets to pull out whatever wad of dollar bills and loose change he could.

Eddie was too spaced out to notice that Richie had already paid and was struggling to hold all of the snacks in his arms. He looked up to watch Richie struggle and giggled to himself before taking he bag of popcorn from his hands, "you got it?"

"With the help of you? Yeah," Richie chuckled softly, "I've got everything I could ever ask for."

Eddie blushed but turned on his heel to lead the way back to Mike's truck.

Their set up had to be one of the cutest things Eddie ever was to witness. Richie had packed thick blankets, along with plenty of pillows, to lay on in the back of Mike's truck. It was cozy and soft. Eddie almost forgot they were in the back of a truck because it was as good as a couch (not exactly a bed, but a couch). Plus, with them being tucked under the security of the back of truck, they could be somewhat hidden from everyone around them. Eddie blushed at the thought of being able to kiss Richie again and again. In public too! Hidden, but still public which means baby steps.

"You really thought this one out, Richie?"

"Of course I did!" Richie grinned, dumping the box of M&M's into the popcorn bag, "I've always wanted this kind of date. Cute as hell, right?" He shot Eddie a wink as he began to mix the bag around so the little chocolates could be distributed throughout the popcorn.

"Cute as hell, Rich." Eddie's mouth watered, ready to stuff his face with the sweets.

They sat back against the many pillows and began to eat away. They shared hushed jokes and laughs. Every now and then Eddie would toss a M&M or piece of popcorn into Richie's mouth so he could catch it. Eddie was better at catching than him, but it was very amusing to watch the other boy try and fail.

The large screen in front of them was yet to show the film. It just kept playing previews and commercials.

Eddie sighed softly and rested his head against Richie's shoulder while Richie ate his slushee. "Hey, Rich?"

Richie's mouth was blue and continued to shuffle the flavored ice into his mouth, "mhm," he hummed in response.

"What are we?" Eddie didn't look at Richie when he asked. His face was burning red and pulled the thick blanket up to his chin as if he was ready to hide his face away.

Richie choked on the blue and flavored ice before coughing a bit, "ehem... what?" He looked down at Eddie.

"I- uh- what are we seeing tonight?" Eddie stammered at first but saved himself. "Like what film if you know."

"Oh... well I'm actually not sure. Some film about runaway teens and falling in love. Cheesy shit like that I guess. Fucked society and social norms." Richie shrugged and offered some of the slushie to Eddie. Eddie nodded then had some of it and his lips were quick to stain blue.

The film began and they laid in the back of Mike's truck, cuddled together and watching the movie.

It was only half an hour into the film and Eddie was already bored of it. He turned so he was laying on his side. He had his arms wrapped around Richie's waist and his head rested onto the raven haired boy's chest, listening to the soft pound of his heartbeat. Meanwhile Richie lazily watched the film; he was more interested in Eddie. His long, pale finger traced lightly over Eddie's arm. It was the small touches that always seemed to feel the most.

Eddie closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in the scent of Richie. He didn't smell so much like cigarettes because he's been too busy with Eddie to smoke one; Eddie didn't mind. He rested his chin on the others chest and looked up at him. Richie quickly looked back at him.

"You doing okay, babe?"

Eddie hoped his blush would go unnoticed, "yeah." His voice was small. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Richie's blue lips. They smiled against one another then shared a couple more.

Eddie laid back this time so he wasn't on top of the other boy. His back was pressed flat against the layered blankets in the back of the truck. His head was supported by several pillows as he looked up into the night sky. It was full of stars.

Richie looked down to Eddie with a smile before lowering himself so he could lay back as well. They didn't say much. They just laid there in each other's presence and stared at the sky of stars. 

"Rich."

"Eds."

"What will our future be like?"

"That's a vague question, Spaghetti Man. We could be anything. Anywhere. Anyone. Our possibilities are endless."

"Would you want to stay here?"

"Hell no. Absolutely not," Richie's laugh was quiet, "I'm getting out of here the second I can. California is calling my name!" He nudged Eddie's arm with his elbow playfully.

Eddie wanted to smile back but found himself forcing it, "that's nice... I'm not sure what I'll be able to do."

"Well you'll be at my side, right, Eds?" He pressed a kiss to Eddie's cheek.

Eddie glanced from the stars to the large movie screen where it displayed the two teens hot wiring a car to escape some city in Nevada. "I hope to be."

Richie nodded slowly with a soft sigh and laid himself back, "I hope so too."

"I kind of like New York City though." Eddie had his soft voice again. His unsure and unknowing voice. "Not too far from here, so if my mom is screaming at me to come home then—"

"Eds, no place like Derry is home," he turned on his side to face Eddie, "and your mom won't mean shit once you're 18. You want to get away from her and you will one day. I promise."

"Sometimes I wish I could just runaway now. Never look back." Eddie was watching the stars again even though he sounded like the dumb teens from the movie.

"Me too, but it's not that easy. We're too young."

"We're?"

"Yeah?" Richie raised a brow.

Eddie smiled, "you said 'we're'. Like you'd want to runaway _with_ me."

"Well who else would you want to see the world with, Eddie?" Eddie didn't say anything; he only smiled at Richie more. "And that's exactly why you'll be at my side." Richie's arm snakes around Eddie's waist and he hugged him close, securing him with a kiss.

Richie got up a couple minutes later to use the restroom. As he was making his way back to the rest of the parked cars he was stopped by an officer.

Richie was met with a bright flashlight in his face. _As if I'm not blind enough already!_ Richie thought to himself with a frown.

"Sorry, boy, I'm not used to seeing young faces walk around on their own." The officer clicked the light away and extended his hand for Richie to shake.

Richie shook his hand, "no problem, officer. I'm just headed back to my uh-"

"Girlfriend is it?" The old man laughed a little. His smile made the toothpick in his mouth shift upwards.

"Boy, actually. My uh best friend who is a boy and..." Richie felt himself flush. He didn't know the right thing to say. Officers around there had no sympathy for the gays.

Except this one.

"It's alright, son." The man walked around Richie and patted his back a little too hard causing Richie to lurch forward a bit. Richie laughed a little but it was clearly uncomfortable. "I'm no homophobe."

Richie, still bashful and embarrassed, didn't think his words through, "No! It's really not like that, Sir. We're just friends."

"Alrighty now you be safe then and..." the voice faded out in Eddie's mind.

Eddie stood a several feet behind in the dark of the night. He heard it all and as much as he didn't want it to affect him, it did. This was the reality of them. They'd have to hide. The world wasn't ready for people like them. They could be happy together in the shadows, but Eddie still wished they could be happy in the light too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boop boop... if ur reading this ily <3  
> also this wasn't fully edited; im sorry !!


	17. He's Not Here

The day after Richie and Eddie's first date wasn't right. It started off fine, yes, but there was an odd presence that resonated with Eddie the second he woke up. It wasn't warm and fuzzy, like how he normally felt with Richie, either. It was empty and cold; he kept getting chills that would creep up his spine and leave him covered in unwanted goosebumps. He felt this the entire morning while getting ready for school. He took the bus to school, too. He met up with Tyler outside the front of the school building, like usual. His heart faltered. _Tyler_. Oh, Tyler. How would he react to Richie and him being together, or whatever it is they were now? Would Richie still dislike Tyler? Is Tyler going to leave his side? Eddie felt even more empty than before, but he forced a small smile as he greeted his friend good morning.

The day after Richie and Eddie's first date wasn't right. Although Eddie was with Tyler he knew there was something—someone—missing. How was he to go spending an entire day with Richie just to suddenly not see him at all? Eddie couldn't do that. He had to find Richie, had to see him, had to kiss him even! But then the bad feeling he woke up with came back and something—that thing—sat in the back of his mind telling him he wouldn't be able to. At least not today.

Eddie goes through the beginning of the day and there wasn't a sign of Richie. His heart hurt a whole lot. He changed the band-aid on his chest after second period.

Eddie met up with Stan and Mike in the hallway before third period and asked them where Richie was and if they had seen him at all that day. Both of the boys replied with the same response: no, and, we haven't seen him.

Eddie began to worry because, where was he? Had he done something wrong? Did their date not go the way Richie wanted it to go? Did Richie realize that Eddie wasn't the one for him? What if Richie got pulled over on the drive home after dropping him off? No, no! That can't be it because Mike drove his truck to school this morning. Did Richie get in trouble for getting home really late? Had his parents caught him and grounded him?

Eddie's chest felt constricted and his eyes burned with salty tears. _Do not let them spill. Do not let them spill_. He closed his eyes and rested his elbows onto the table while he held his head in his hands. He took in a slow deep breath and kept it there in his lungs for a couple solid seconds. His exhale was just was slow, but more shaky.

A hand was placed on his shoulder and he perked up a bit. He turned his head and he was hoping to be met with deep brown eyes and dark, unruly hair. However he only came face to face with Ben. Eddie managed to give Ben a small smile.

"You okay?" Ben asked him, sitting down next to Eddie's left. Beverly followed Ben and sat by his side. She didn't say anything, but she watched the two.

"Had a long weekend," Eddie mumbled. He didn't notice Tyler sit down to his right.

"You c-can suh-say that again!" Then there was Bill. Bill placed his lunch tray on the table then sat down in front of Eddie. Eddie looked up to Bill who had a bandage over his nose and a bruise under his left eye.

Tyler spoke up to Bill, "He really got you, huh?"

Bill laughed a little as he opened his cup of apple sauce, "Yeah. H-He got me."

"Where is he, anyways?" Beverly questioned the exact thought that was stuck in Eddie's head. "Richie never misses school."

Tyler lowered his eyes to the table and sunk down into himself. He remained quiet and tried to hide himself as the others, the Losers, looked around to each other in confusion.

"Haven't seen him all day," Stan murmured, taking a bite of his bagel.

"He'll be back tomorrow for sure!" Beverly tried to lighten the mood and make up for the lack of chatter at their lunch table. She glanced around to her sulking friends.

"H-hope he doe-doesn't try to cause mo-more drama or fights."

"He's sorry, Bill." Eddie snapped.

Heads turned toward the small boy, but nothing was really said. A snappy Eddie is a feisty Eddie and nobody really wanted to have to handle him.

It was a quiet day for lunch.

◦

Eddie waited by Tyler's locker after last period. When the smaller boy approached to replace his binders for textbooks and folders, he didn't say much. Normally Tyler would begin to ramble away about how his day went or their plans for after school.

_Why was today different?_

"You doing okay, Ty?"

"No," he said in a hushed voice, almost like it was a defeated secret that wasn't meant to come out, but had to in desperation, "I'm sorry." His voice uttered and head shook slowly; he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.

Eddie was confused and took one of the large textbooks from Tyler's hold, as he was struggling to handle more than one at a time. "Why are you sorry?" Eddie's chest began to itch.

"I-I..." _I can't tell you. Not yet at least. It's not my place_. Tyler's cheeks went pink and he looked down to the tiled school floor only to bite down onto his bottom lip.

"Can I come over after school?" Eddie planned on checking up on Richie, but he figured that maybe Tyler needed him too.

"No," Tyler said all too fast, "My dad... he's really stressed out because of work right now. I don't want to..." Tyler shook his head, taking the textbook back from Eddie. "Not today, Eddie. I'm really sorry." Tyler's voice went shaky and kept his head hung low as he pushed past Eddie, bumping into his shoulder even.

Tyler had never been like this toward Eddie; his chest began to ache all the more.

Eddie swallowed the growing lump in his throat and adjusted his backpack before heading to the closest bathroom. He quickly walked toward the last stall and locked the door. His backpack was shrugged off and hit the floor with a _thud_. He unzipped his fanny pack and pulled out his small tin of band-aids. A voice in his head taunted him, ' _you can't keep putting on a band-aid every time you get a little hurt_ '. He pushed it away. Back and back to the deep and dark part of his mind where all suppressed and unwanted thoughts were meant to hide.

He didn't even notice his breathing pick up pace. He barely recognized the hitch in his own throat as he pulled off the old band-aid. He couldn't hear the air leaving his lungs and not returning back as he tried to inhale. His hands were shaking as he tried to peel off the thin, paper wrapping of the bandage. It took him far too long to place a new one over his heart, but it didn't help much. His thoughts came to an ease, yet his breath was still jagged and uneven.

It was so loud in Eddie's head that he didn't hear the bathroom door open. His thoughts were racing again and his chest was heaving. He felt like he could throw up or pass out at any second. This only made him freak out more.

"Ed- Eddie? Is that you?" The voice was familiar but too far away from Eddie's full consciousness. Eddie felt like he was going to drop.

A banging on Eddie's stall door caused him to jerk back and a little bit of air to come his way as he gasped.

"Eds!" The door slammed, but did not open. Eddie watched as the handle shook and clattered; he couldn't move. "Y-you gotta open the door!"

Eddie with his words caught in his throat and tears brimming his eyes, forced his body forward to unhook the latch on the bathroom door.

A tall body came stumbling inside to wrap the small panicked boy into a hug. The taller figured was speaking too rushed and Eddie couldn't make out his words. Eddie couldn't even breath. Eddie was able to stare up at him in awe though, _always the saving grace, huh? Leader of the pack and hero of the day_.

An aspirator met Eddie's lips and the puff of the sterilized steroid landed onto his tongue. He breathed in as much as he could before the other allowed him another puff.

The hand was rubbing circles into his back and voice mumbling words of encouragement helped him find ease.

It was about minutes later that Eddie seemed to be back as his (somewhat) stable self.

"Thank you, Bill."

Bill smiled at the boy and wrapped his arm around Eddie's smaller frame, "No pruh-problem, Eddie. Wa-wanna head back to my h-house?" He offered, guessing that Eddie should have someone with him in case things got bad again. He was used to Eddie's panic attacks, or whatever you'd call them—Sonia's effect—Bill liked to imagine it as.

Eddie stared up at Bill's bruised face and bandaged nose. He felt bad for him and what happened at homecoming not even two days before.

He nodded slowly and gathered his backpack from the floor, "Sure."

◦

Eddie sat there on Bill's bed with his back pressed to the headboard. Bill was on the end of the bed, almost like he wanted a distance between them. Eddie didn't mind it, but it felt weird considering they were childhood best friends and things were different now.

"Why did he hit you?" Eddie spoke up, looking down at his history homework in his lap.

Bill shrugged even though the boy wasn't looking, "he was al-already muh-mad at me. He s-said I was fl-flirting with you." Bill's cheeks heated up at the memory. He did call Eddie cute that night.

"Were you?" Eddie glanced up quickly to the auburn haired boy.

Bill shook his head, "then I gu-guess he ju-just let his anger o-out on me. Ro-rough night."

Eddie scoffed under his breath and rolled his eyes, "you can say that again."

Bill gave him a questioning look.

"I shouldn't really get into it. Richie did have a rough night though. He's going through a lot and I wish he was more open about it."

Bill slowly moved closer to Eddie, listening.

"I thought he recovered from it though... homecoming night. He came to my house in the middle of the night and-" Eddie smiled to himself down at his homework, "maybe it wasn't such a rough night after all."

"Y-you had sex w-with, Richie?!"

Eddie looked up to Bill with a panicked and flustered look in his eyes, "what the hell, Bill?! Of course I didn't! That's fucking disgusting." His cheeks burned in a deep blush, "...we kissed."

"Really?" Bill's eyebrows furrowed and Eddie couldn't really describe his features or guess the feeling that Bill was holding internally.

"Yeah, and we went on a date yesterday. Like a real date." Eddie twirled his pencil in his fingers, grinning softly to himself. "He drove Mike's car to the drive-in. He kept me safe and he used his own money that he earned from doing extra chores. It was really sweet, Bill." Eddie's voice was soft.

"That suh-sounds really n-nice, Eddie." Bill's voice was gentle, too.

"It just doesn't make sense as to how Richie wouldn't come to school today. It's made me feel like I had done something wrong, all day."

Bill frowned at that and moved so he was sitting next to Eddie. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him in a little closer. He smiled to the boy, "You're gr-great, Eds. I'm su-sure that nothing went wrong. Muh-maybe he just got sick." Bill ended in a suggestion.

Eddie nodded slowly and leaned his head against Bill's shoulder, "he did eat a lot of junk last night." Eddie giggled a little, and it made Bill smile wider. "I hope that's the case, anyways."

Bill was staring down at Eddie. He didn't really know what else to say, so he said nothing.

"Do you know what's up with Tyler?" Eddie asked aloud.

Bill shook his head again while his lips fell pressed into a flat line, "Nope. He's y-your friend an-and n-not mine. Duh-don't talk to h-him much."

"Sorry for asking." Eddie sighed, "He just wasn't himself today."

"Just l-like R-richie... maybe he ju-just has something g-going on."

"We've all got something going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do ppl even read this story? probably not, but im determined to finish it


	18. It's Just A Cold

Eddie was more worried than he was angry. Sure he sometimes felt that he really wanted to be mad at him—at Richie, but at the end of the day he truly couldn't stay upset at him. Having a ping of pain was only temporary, and he knew that. So what if Richie wasn't at school, right? Bill could be right—Bill was almost _always_ right—and Richie could just have something going on. He contradicted himself by still having a fiery feeling in his stomach that wanted a reason why Richie went MIA so suddenly, yet was it his business? _I deserve to know everything. That's valid, isn't it? I mean- we kissed for god sake! That practically makes us boyfriends and that means we don't keep secrets, right?_ Eddie is one to know about secrets, though. So maybe we can have some secrets. He was eating himself away at the pondering back and forth question on whether he has a right to be upset or not. It was stupid, all-in-all.

Eddie was more worried than he was angry. He had ate a quick breakfast of bacon and eggs that his mother cooked before claiming he was leaving early and walking to school so he could catch up with his English teacher on an upcoming paper. Sonia offered to give her son a ride, but Eddie turned down the offer and said he could use the exercise. Sonia then placed a kiss to her son's forehead as a goodbye and even made him take two puffs of his inhaler before taking off.

Eddie had shared a lie with his mother though. He wasn't leaving for school early. In fact, he wasn't planning on going to school at all! He wanted to run off to the Tozier house and confront Richie on his absence. And that's exactly what he did.

Eddie stuffed his glove clad hands into his jacket and sped up his pace as he walked down the sidewalk. He passed by kids who were already waiting at their bus stops and other people who were already out in the morning Derry air. Some walked their dogs while others went on jogs. He kept his head rather low, however. He didn't want to draw attention from other kids who would recognize him and possibly mention something to one of the Losers ("Oh yeah! I saw him this morning walking by. Odd how he didn't come to school,"). Yeah, Eddie didn't need any of that.

Walking up to Richie's house was nerve wracking in the slightest. He knew Richie would be home because the busses hadn't come by yet and Richie wasn't at the bus stop, nor did Richie come by his own house to walk him to school (he used to do that, anyhow). Furthermore, Wentworth'd and Maggie's cars were missing from the driveway. So it's just Richie. Eddie's just gotta hope that Richie is, in fact, actually home.

Eddie didn't bother knocking. He tried for the doorknob right away and, to no surprise, it's unlocked. So the smaller boy walked inside the home to be met with a clean and quiet living room. The lights were out and nothing else seemed to be turned on. He dropped his backpack to the floor besides the door after shutting and locking it. He shed off his heavy coat, gloves, and shoes next. His heart began to hammer.

"Common, Kaspbrak..." he mumbled to himself, "it's just Richie. Same old, dumb Richie." He continued to convince himself that the situation was fine, and he had nothing to worry about. He pushed back the thought of the itching band-aid on his chest.

Eddie pushed up the sleeves of his red pullover and walked around the quiet first floor of the house. Quiet and dark. Unsettling. He continued to walk around and he noticed that Wentworth's office door was cracked open. That was something that was never seen. It had always been closed when Eddie came over. Curious, Eddie couldn't help but steal a look inside. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Just an office with a desk, a type writer, and an old computer. Those things and some boxes. Okay, so a good amount of boxes but Eddie would assume that he never unfinished packing the office considering there wasn't much to the room.

The sound of a door being shut caused Eddie to jump from his skin. The sound was followed by a flush of a toilet and he was able to breath out a sigh of relief. _Morning piss_. The door opened and Eddie assumed that Richie went back to his room. _The idiot didn't even wash his hands after. Gross._

Eddie carefully walked up the stairs and—once again he didn't bother knocking—he pushed Richie's bedroom door right open. Richie screamed and sat up so fast in his messy bed that he probably gave himself whiplash.

"Holy shit, Eds! What the hell are you doing in my house?!" Richie's eyes were wide behind his glasses. Eddie noticed the bags under them and how he looked a little paler than usual, if that were to be possible, "I could've been rubbing one out, you know. You could've had to walk in on that. That's why it's important to knock before—"

"Cut the shit, Richie," Eddie crossed his arms over his chest and tried to stand tall, even with the slight blush that warmed his cheeks from Richie's comment. He still looked small and cute to Richie, but Richie wasn't going to make that statement just yet, "why the hell aren't you at school?"

"Why aren't you at school?" Richie copied Eddie and crossed his arms.

"Stop playing games, dumbass! You never miss school, and I," Eddie closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he looked to the ground with a small scowl on his face accompanied by a pout, "I missed you. We had a good time on Sunday—at the drive-in movie—and when I didn't see you Monday I was worried. I thought that maybe I did something wrong and you had a realization or something and..." Eddie didn't notice that Richie had gotten up and was standing in front of him with open arms.

"Come on, Spaghetti Man," he motioned the smaller boy in, "bring it in."

Eddie stood by the entrance of the door with his arms crossed over his chest. The pout didn't leave his lips, "oh fuck off. I'm not hugging you, asshole."

Richie wrapped the boy in his arms and pulled him in close, squeezing him tightly to his chest. Eddie couldn't just stand there and not hug him back, so he sighed as he caved into Richie to hug the tall boy back. "I knew you couldn't resist me, Eds."

"I never can," Eddie had his eyes closed for a second, rubbing his face into Richie's chest. Richie was looking down at him with a faint smile. Richie pressed a small kiss to the top of Eddie's hair and Eddie smiled at that. "Anyways," he pulled away from the taller boy who seemed to withstand from the separation, "are you going to tell me why you're suddenly playing hooky?"

Richie stepped back until he was back at his messily made bed. He sat down held his head in his hands, forcing out a dry cough, "haven't been feeling to swell my dear Eddie Bear." Eddie rolled his eyes at that, "I swear! It's just a cold and I got way better over night. Yesterday I was yacking up the grossest shit, so you're all lucky that I wasn't at school. My mom gave me another day to get back into my regular health ol' self."

Eddie nodded slowly, knowing that it was all bullshit. "Uh huh, so you should let me take your temperature."

"Oh, Eds! If you want an excuse to put something into my mouth you don't have to use that one," Richie laughed at his own joke. Eddie walked over just to smack his shoulder.

"I can't believe I actually shared saliva with you."

"Wanna do it again?"

"Sorry, I can't. You're sick."

"Hey hey! I've been getting better," Richie made grabby hands in Eddie's direction, motioning him to come closer.

Eddie deep down couldn't resist the trashmouth, so he opened his arms and Richie pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Eddie giggled quietly against Richie's neck as Richie tugged him into his lap.

"We could play doctor today. What do ya say, Eds? Doctor K gonna fix me up and bring me to my fullest health possible?" Richie pressed a fat, wet kiss to Eddie's cheek with a big toothy smile. Eddie's cheeks burned in a small blush; he nodded slowly anyways.

"I mean I am here, so I might as well do that." Eddie returned a kiss to Richie's cheek, "ya know all the Losers missed you yesterday. You really had us all worried when you weren't there." Eddie slipped out of Richie's lap to face him better on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Eds. I just wasn't feeling well enough to go, honestly." Richie's eyes looked sad and sincere, so Eddie believed him.

"As long as you're back tomorrow I think we'll be able to forgive you. The gangs all together now, too! Ya know... because you and I got our shit together," Eddie breathed out a small, nervous laugh. _Have we got it together now? Are we together?_

"Even little ol' Tyler is with the crew?" Richie smiled somewhat, but Eddie could see right through him and how it wanted to fall.

"Yeah... even little ol' Tyler is there. I'm afraid that Bill is the one you have to keep an eye on still, though." Eddie elbowed him lightly, "I'm gonna make you some oatmeal or something. Might get an early start one some homemade soup too!" Eddie shot up from the bed.

"You're too kind my dear, Eds!" Richie flopped himself back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling dreamily with his hands placed over his heart, "a true lover. People across the nation are envious of the man that I have!" Richie called out as Eddie giggled, making his way down the stairs.

"Clean your room or you won't get fed!"

"Okay, Mom!"

◦

That's what they did. They tiptoed around each other even though they were well aware that there was a deeper, more serious issue at hand. Richie was hiding something, but Eddie was afraid to ask—afraid to push Richie too far and lose him again.

Eddie pampered Richie throughout the morning. He made him an oatmeal breakfast with a side of fruit. They watched cartoons all morning and shared lazy kisses during the commercials. He played with Richie's curls and pressed kisses to his cheek. He tried to ignore the sad smile Richie held whenever he touched him.

Around noon Eddie made soup for the two of them. Richie complained and begged Eddie to just order a pizza instead, but of course Eddie wasn't having any of that.

"You said you were sick, so I'm bringing you back to health. This will help."

"Pizza can do the same! It lifts my mood by like 30% and if I'm in a better mood then I'll be a better person. What do ya say, Eds?" Richie grinned wide, raising a brow.

Eddie pushed the bowl of soup toward Richie, "no."

That's how that went, in a summary.

With warm and full bellies they sat in the living room. Eddie on the floor, in between Richie's long legs as the raven haired boy sat on the couch.

Richie was playing some video game were people fight—Mortal Kombat, but Eddie didn't know what was really going on, so he just stared at the screen and tried to act interested.

As Richie finished up a fight, he spoke, "so your birthday is right around the corner, Eds."

"Yeah..." Eddie wasn't the biggest fan of birthdays. His mother always found a way to make them... well not the best.

"Got any plans or ideas?"

"No, not really... I'm not even sure what I want for my birthday," Eddie bit down at his lip, watching Richie scroll around for a new character to play as.

Richie breathed out a low sigh, "wish I could do more..."

Eddie turned his head back with parted lips to look at Richie questionably, "huh?"

Richie glanced down to Eddie and gave him a quick smile, "no worries, spaghetti man. I'll gather the crew together to figure something out." He changed his demeanor in seconds.

Eddie smiled back as best as he could, "okay."

Eddie didn't know why, but his chest began to itch and ache. He quickly got up and excused himself to the bathroom, only to change the band-aid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if anyone reads this still :/ oh well lol this has been written for a long while but i forgot to update. will I finish it? who knows


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